Thursday, November 24, 2005

Christmas Foolishness

I found this link over on SEB (That’s Stupid Evil Bastard – he’s in my list of links. Go check him out!) This is what happens when tech geeks have too much eggnog! The creator of the WMV file synced Xmas lights to Trans Siberian Orchestra's Wizards of Winter. This is absolutely breathtaking and not doctored in any way!

I found this link off of MSNBC. It’s an article on a blog about the current weaponry used in Iraq. Gun Porn. Just a great read about what’s working and what’s not.

For my part, I’ll be – once again – incommunicado. I have to go freeze my nuts off in an attempt to kill a trophy buck again. They’re predicting 2+ feet of snow over the next two days. This can’t bode well for the good Doctor…

Happy Turkey Carcass Day.

-The Doctor-

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Quick update...

Some random thoughts:

1. There are two ways to do things; the right way, and the wrong way. Then there's my way, which is like the wrong way...only faster.

2. I probably hate you.

I crave warm human flesh. Goodnight for now.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Fundie Baiting

I've been wanting to get one of those anti-fish stickers. You know what I'm talking about - those fish stickers that Christians put on the back of their cars to proudly proclaim that they are true believers? Right next to their 'W. in 2004' Stickers? The origin of the fish symbol in Christianty goes back to when Christians where unable to worship. So, they took the fish (whose named in greek - icthius(sp?) - was a synonym for Jesus, Son of god, and saviour) and drew it's likeness somewhere to let other Christians know who their allies in flogging were. Now, the Christians put silver fish stickers on the backs of their Buicks and Chevys.

You've seen 'em, right? Those stickers that undeniably state that the driver is a) born again and willing to pass judgement on those poor, heathen souls that aren't, or b) a member of the Christian right who, in a recent poll said that they felt that 'Christianity was under attack.' Funny that - considering that the Christian right (as represented by the current Republican majority in Congress, the POTUS, and soon, the Supreme Court of the US) controls the government right now!!! Anyway, I digress...

So, being who I am, (an undead, liberal, atheistic, and socialist misanthrope), I can't really let the Fundies be. So I want to get one of those anti-fish stickers. I'm torn though. They have the obvious choice of the Darwin Fish with the name of Darwin in the middle and two cute little feet proudly marching towards dry land, evolution, and the eventual formation of opposable thumbs. Apropos when one considers the current raging debate over Creationism..ooops...I mean Intelligent Design. "ID is NOT Creationism. No sirree! Uh-uh," sez the Christian right, in an attempt to blatantly deny they're trying to bring Creationism through the backstage door in a costume. It's like when Bugs Bunny dressed up as a cute girl bunny. Like Elmer Fudd, the Fundies hope we'll fall for it. The problem is, Elmer Fudd was retarded. The rest of us who can, at the least, tie our shoes and read beyond a second grade level, aren't so dumb.

So we have the Darwin fish which proclaims my love of and devotion to the mistress and wonder that is science, and then there's my second choice. A Chthulhu Fish. For those who don't know Chthulhu is a creation of HP Lovecraft, an early 20th century writer of wierd tales who is my favorite author. For the good Doctor, many a high school night was spent reading Lovecraft, or role playing to the Chaosium RPG Call of Cthulhu. The geek in me is drawn to this almost more than the Darwin fish. There's something about being in the parking lot and having a perturbed, yet confused, Christian ask me what the heck my Jesus fish parody with wings and a tentacled face means. The conversation would go something like this...

Christian (squinting and looking predictably irritated at the sticker, and then me): What's Cu..Cut..Chth...What's that sticker mean?

Doctor Zombie: The word's Cthuhlu.

Christian: What's it mean?

Doctor Zombie: Cthulhu is a mad Elder God who sleeps in the ancient sunken city of Rhlyeh. He slumbers and awaits the day when he rises up and calls upon his servants; Nyarlothotep, the Black Goat with a Thousand Young; Dagon; and the myriad evil and loathsome Deep Ones! He will lay waste to cities, burn the sky, and devour all of humanity. Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Phtagn!

Christian: Come children. Get in the SUV. Now! Don't look at the scary man!

Doctor Zombie (as they pull out with a squeal): Remember: Jesus saves, and so does Cthulhu... but that's probably because he wants to leave a a few of us to eat as a late night snack!

Hmmm... I'll have to make a choice. But it's sooo hard...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

More Hunting Thoughts...

Quick update on my weekend trip.

So I went bow hunting this last weekend. It was all right. I shot at a nice 6 point and hit it high. My arrow went through and through, but it didn’t look like a fatal shot. Or maybe it was, I don’t know. I wound up tracking the deer for 5-6 hours, but the blood trail dried up. Makes me sad. I hate the idea of losing a deer like that. Bow hunting really sucks in that regard. If I had shot it with my .12 gauge, I’d be deciding whether to do a full mount or a western mount on his dead carcass. It always feels bad to lose a deer. It’s part of being a responsible sportsman and ethical hunter. Crap. I’m really bummed.

In terms of the job, I didn’t hear anything last week, but then got a call from the hiring manager today , only to have him say they wanted to do one more, final, final round . So, still waiting. Damn it. The bonus is that I know the manager really well, so I hope I do OK. God I hate this stress.

Had a thought while I was sitting for hours on end in my tree stand. There is a thing called the Grand Slam of North American big game hunting. It involves hunting and killing all 29 or 30 species of big game in North America (the number fluctuates.) I began thinking it would be cool to try to do this, but I can’t afford it. Crap - - the average person couldn’t afford one or two of some of the big game hunts out there. But that got me thinking (as I’m wont to when left alone too long), what if you could do it, on a budget. I then thought it would make a great book – sort of a how to for the everyman. I did a preliminary internet search and could not, for the life of me, find a list of the animals on the list. I think I might want to look into this more. Here’s a list of what, I think, MUST be on the list. (Some internet searching was done, this is a best guess. I’ve excluded a few larger animals that would surely fit the bill, but are protected or prohibitively expensive/rare – like the muskox or the tule elk). I’ve also added turkeys to the list. They may not be considered big game, but GODS how I love turkey hunting…

Deer or Other Ruminants
1) Mule Deer
2) Whitetail
3) Rocky Mountain Elk
4) Manitoba Elk
5) Roosevelt Elk
6) Moose
7) Caribou
8) Prong Horn Antelope
9) Coues Deer
10) Bison

11) Grizzly
12) Black
13) Polar
14 )Brown

15) Cougar
16) Mountain Lion
17) Bobcat

18) Dall
19) Desert Bighorn
20) Stone or Fannin
21) Rocky Mountain or California Big Horn

22) Razorback Hog
23) Boar
24) Wolf

Not sure if they’re considered big game, but they round out the numbers
25) Osceola Turkey
26) Eastern Turkey
27) Rio Grande Turkey
28) Merriam’s Turkey

Wow. That’s an impressive list. I imagine one could spend a lifetime trying to bag all of those animals. And probably a lot of money… gobs of money... obscene, unholy amounts of money. Hmmm… More thought will have to be given to this. Maybe I could pare the list down, bearing in mind the efforts to remain frugal. Hmmm…

More updates later…

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Deer Hunting & Wind Storms

So, a quick, and very late update as it’s been a few days since I’ve posted…

I’m leaving tomorrow to go bow hunting, so I’ll be incommunicado until probably Monday of next week. The worst part is I’m supposed to hear about the new job this week. That means I’ll be checking my voicemail all week – from the top of a friggin’ mountain. Sigh. I just wish they’d call me and tell me yes or no. The stress and suspense is killing me. The stress has actually made my face break out. And, I haven’t worked out or eaten right in a week and a half. All I want is some word. Just tell me - - yes or no. Please.

Over on the official Spiderman site I found a picture of Thomas Hayden Church’s character in the new Spidey movie. To be honest I was hoping that he would be playing Venom, but now that I’ve seen this, I gotta say I’m pleased it wasn’t. He fits perfectly as Flint Marko. I’m going to be very excited to see this. And, for those that don’t know, Spiderman is my favorite superhero. In fact, at my mom and dad’s, I have a box filled with Spiderman comic books. And I mean incredible Spidey comics. Like #1 - #40, and then intermittent editions up to #150 or so. My father gave them to me when I was about 12, and they’ll go to my son when he’s old enough. Add into that mix the fact that I collected through most of the 80’s and…and…and I just realized that I may very well be rich and never have to worry about money again. Eep. Maybe I could…naw. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t sell them.

Just bought and re-watched Episode III. Goddamn! I love this movie! Very awesome! George Lucas was on my shit list for a long time, but he redeemed himself with this one. My seven year old and I have watched it 4 times in the last 3 days. I’m so glad I broke down and took him to see this in the movie theater. I had my doubts, what with the whole “PG-13, killing younglings, Anakin catching on frickin’ fire!” vibe, but I’m glad he’ll be able to say his old man took him to see at least one of the Star Wars movies in a theater. That’s what being a dad’s about…And I’m so proud that he makes a point of correcting his five year old sister on minutia from all the flicks. He’s a little geek in training! A regular chip off the old block!

Oh, and I totally forgot! We had a bunch of storms come through on Sunday. High winds and rain. It was the same storm system that killed 22 people in that trailer park in Indiana. Anyway, we went out shopping in my wife’s jeep and came home to find a mammoth branch lying beside my Jeep and my entire HOOD CAVED IN! I am not happy. Don’t mess with my Jeep. So, I dropped it off at the body shop today and got my rental, a crappy Chevy Malibu. And me on my way to go hunting this week. Do you think my damage waiver will cover deer blood in the rental? I am struck inarticulate in anger about this. NOT HAPPY!
Anyway, that’s all for now. The Doctor must go and slay woodland creatures.

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Negotiator

I saw this on MSNBC the other day and it made me sad. Katrina Pets. Doctor Zombie may be an evil, sociopathic bastard, but god how I love dogs. The article made my heart hurt. I’ve since been driving Mrs. Zombie crazy with talk of adopting another dog. (There are a couple shelters here in Northeastern Ohio that have Katrina rescues. Her response was “No more dogs, no more kid, and certainly no more husbands.” Unfortunately for her, and our domestic tranquility, I’ll probably push the point and push the point, and then just come home with a dog. You see we've already got two dogs - Charlie, a fat assed, lazy beagle; and Nicky, a cranky, yappy Rat Terrier we rescued. Both dogs are a handful. Add to that mix two kids (three if you count me, the Doctor, as Mrs. Zombie is wont to say), and a smallish century home - and Mrs. Zombie is already at her wits end.

The thing is, those poor puppies are sad. That should count for something, right? So, I continue to push my luck...

The problem is, I’ve been pushing my luck a little too much lately with the missus. You see, I recently paid off my Kawasaki Vulcan 500. The Vulcan was a compromise purchase that was cheap. I wanted a motorcycle, and I bugged Mrs. Zombie to the point of giving in, provided it was cheap. So I went out and bought the first, cheap cruiser I could find. Sadly, I should have held out and bought what I wanted – a Harley. So, now that the Vulcan’s paid off, I’ve actively begun the campaign. I’ve even found two Harleys at my local HD shop – a 2004 Sportster Custom 1200, and a 1998 FXD that are within what I consider a reasonable price range. The FXD is what I would prefer as it has the 1450 Twin Cam 88 V-Twin in it and is not a ‘starter’ Harley. It has a gorgeous Harley Paint Shop Custom color (Real Teal) and is chromed out with some great Screaming Eagle accessories. The Sporty is nice also, and is customized as well with a gorgeous black and gold paints scheme and lots of chrome. They’re about the same price. The Good Doctor gets goose bumps thinking about rolling down the road with the rumble of a Harley beneath him. The ONLY thing I don’t like about either ride is that they are not black. The teal is not as masculine or spooky a color as I’d like, and as befits one of my brooding and gloomy temperament. The Sporty’s closer, but still not quite dark enough. Of course, If I buy this Harley, I’ll no doubt have it for years to come and will invariably repaint it later. So it’s a good trade-off.

Anyway, I’ve begun actively campaigning to trade the Vulcan in on a Harley, and the little missus has actively begun beating me. The funny part is that both of my kids have begun giving her a hard time, saying Daddy Zombie should get a Harley. I swear, upon their lives, I did not put them up to this… not that Mrs. Zombie believes that for a minute. For my part, I’ll keep pushing it, but I’m not sure if she’ll give in this time. I may have a better chance with the Katrina rescued dog… I’ll keep you posted.

On other fronts, I’ve applied for a new job here where I work. As I’ve mentioned, I’m a corporate trainer for a Fortune 50 company. Whereas I love training, my goal is to become an Instructional Designer. (Lots more money and a job where I’m actively writing, how could I go wrong?) In the last 2 weeks I’ve done 1 phone screen, 4 face to face interviews, and a final phone screen today with a manager from our Austin office. I’m holding my breath that I get this job. This is what I really want to do. I should know within a week whether I get it or not. I hope so because I would hate to think that I got all the way through the process and then didn’t make it because of some stupid reason. I’ll be calling on the Dark Pagan Gods and various other unnatural and unholy magics to influence the hiring manager, so keep me in your dark prayers, dear readers…

Besides, if I get the job, maybe Mrs. Zombie will let me get the Harley…

Later (8:22pm)
I saw this article and can only say… “NOOOOOOO!” I love Vanilla Coke and this just plain sucks. Thank god they still have Cherry Coke. (Or, Virgin Coke as my friends and I have called it since high school…) Now I'm stuck with the sickeningly sweet Vanilla Pepsi. Doctor Zombie is not happy. I expect I will be tracking down some Coke executives and turning them into mindless zombie minions.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

What I want to be when I grow up...

So, I decided that today I was going to post about my plans for this blog, among other things. My ultimate goal is to start my own multimedia company. I want to work primarily on an online zine, a print magazine, and eventually, possibly filming some independent films I’ve written. And that, by the way, is the order in which I’m planning on getting shit done. This blog is mostly an effort to organize my thoughts and a reason to get my lazy ass actually writing on a daily basis.

As far as the online zine (the first priority), my brother Curt is helping me set up the necessary web stuff to get my print and online zine up and going. I hate having to ask for help, but I did it for multiple reasons. The first is that I just don’t have the time or resources to devote to learning HTML, setting up a site, and all the other headaches involved with doing it myself. I will say that I recently picked up a Dummies Book for HTML, but I haven’t cracked it as it fills me with dread. You see, I’m a simple writer (and soon to be editor). I think my energy and time should – properly – be devoted to that and towards getting down the logistics of starting a small publishing company. Also, there’s something to be said for outsourcing the tech jobs. The other reason I’m relying on some other guy is because I, truthfully, am not right-brained enough for the whole computer thing. Sure, I get along fine on a daily basis. I spend 8-10 hours a day on computers and teach people how to point and click. The thing is; once you get beyond the basic usage stuff, I kind of glaze over. Start talking gigabytes, and RAM, and Java Script, and Linux, and I start to kind of drift. I’m like that kid from junior high school who had to take Ritalin because he couldn’t stop yelling like he had Touret’s. More than a minute or two of geeky tech talk makes me zone out like I’ve just taken my daily Ritalin dose from the school nurse. You remember her, right? The with the bad breath and oddly shaped breasts?

So I’m outsourcing. Big fucking deal. At least I didn’t outsource several hundred thousand jobs like that incompetent retard that failed upwards and lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. By way of Crawford, Texas. And Florida vote tampering.

Anyway, I digress. What was I saying? Oh yeah…big plans…fame and glory…a quest to rise above mediocrity. You get the picture.

Other random thoughts:
I just came into possession of a new Glock 23 .40 caliber pistol. Actually, I reacquired it. The tale behind my loss of, and subsequent reaquisition of said firearm is, at the very least, a series of ironic idiocies and immense personal irritation to the Doctor. I won't go into it, but suffice it to say I'm not happy with one of my oldest chums as a result of it. Anyway...I originally got rid of the pistol because I a) didn't like the way it shot. I felt accuracy was an issue and I didn't like how the active safety made my finger hurt, b) I had buyer's remorse about the .40 caliber round and decided afterwards that I should have went for the .45, and c) I had the opportunity to buy a Heckler & Koch USP .45 full size and needed the money. Sooo, off went the Glock.

Now, though, having had the opportunity to reacquire the gun, I'm reavaluating my perhaps too hasty decision.

I took it out a few weeks ago and fired a box of rounds through it and, I have to admit, I've fallen in love with the gun. I'm at a loss to explain why I didn't like it in the first place. I found it scary accurate and a pleasure to shoot in comparison to my USP. I'd initially planned on turning around and dumping it, but now find myself reconsidering. The biggest argument for keeping it is concealed carry. It is a light, easily concealable package with mucho aftermarket accessories and a big ass bullet. I can't say the same about the USP. I love the USP, but honestly, its an impractical weapon. The aftermarket support is abyssmally small and inordinately expensive. It's monstrous and hard to conceal. I'm now thinking about dumping the H&K. Gods know I can get a few new toys on trade in. Which leads me to:

Doctor Zombie's armament wish list for the eventual Zombie Armaggedon!
(In no particular order, these are arms I want to round out my collection)
A) Something tactical for TEOTWAWKI
- Mossberg Special Purpose 500 - with a tactical stock, and at least an 8 shot magazine. Why? Because it's cheap, easily modified, and nothing beats 00 buck at 15 feet!
- AK47 - The all purpose military weapon of choice of every bad guy and commie in the world. It's the most popular gun in the world for a reason. Besides, who wouldn't have fun rocking and rolling semi-automatically with a 30 round magazine of 7.62?
- Ruger Mini-14 - Although the .223 is really just a squirrel round on steroids, this is still a fun gun for plinking. A bit spendy, but still heavily accessorizable.
- H&K MP5 - Hey, it's a wish list, right? Why not wish for a full auto, mondo expensive tactical gun? Bah - - I'd probably never use it. And it probably wouldn't be as funas the others...
B) Practical for hunting
- Remington 760 - chambered in 30.06. In my opinion, the best deal out there for a reliable, accurate weapon. It comes with a synthetic stock, optics, and a bolt design patterned after Remington's incomparable model 700 action. All for under $350.
- Winchester Model 14 .357 carbine. In lever action. My dad's best friend has one of these and this is just a balls out fun plinking gun. And the .357 is a helluva round. I covet this gun.
C) Handguns (Because woman buy lots of shoes, men should be allowed to buy lots of guns!)
- Springfield XD-9. I love this gun. Everything about it appeals to me. I'll get one someday.
- Springfield Ultracompact 1911 - Because I'm beginning to think that every man should own at least one variant of this time tested pistol design.
- H&K P2000 - The answer to my too big USP .45. This gun makes me drool...

Anyway, I plan on testing the Glock some more. I'll post more about it later...

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

On the doorstep to winter...

So, I’m back from the Halloween break. It was a loooonnng weekend. We had a clambake at the house on Saturday, and then a party for the kids on Sunday. There were about 25-30 kids running around our very small century home for about 4 hours. Which, by the way, is about 3 hours past my tolerance level for children hopped up on Hawaiian punch, cookies, cupcakes, and candy. And, of course, last night was Halloween. I sat on my front porch with my buddy Phil and drank large amounts of Guinness. Much fun was had!

Driving in to work today reaffirmed how much I absolutely love autumn. We’ve reached the peak for fall foliage, and the trees are beautiful. It’s unfortunate that fall is the shortest season. I imagine I’m not the first old school goth to wish that everyday was Halloween.

Found a cool link that applies as both a Halloween link and also a Dr. Zombie related link. The people over at How Stuff Works came up with this awesome explanation of Zombies. Check it out.

I also picked up the new Depeche Mode CD over the weekend. I’ve got to say that I’m impressed. You see, I’m the sort of music fan who doesn’t like my bands to mature, or change their sound. Call me what you will, but I like a band for their sound, and if you change your sound in some stupid quest to “evolve” or “grow as a band”, you’re going to piss the good Doctor off. Don’t fuck with a good thing. The new ‘Schmode, though, this is a great album. Instrumentally, it has the sound of Music for the Masses, or Enjoy the Silence. And it’s dark like Music for the Masses or, even better, A Broken Frame. The boys have gone back to the depressing, synthesized music that made me first fall in love with them. Their last two albums have been too much guitar, and too much of an attempt to compete with the 90’s alternative music. They’ve gone back to what they do best and I adore them for it. My only gripe: As they’ve done on more recent albums, too much Dave Gahan and not nearly enough Martin L. Gore. But, beggars can’t be choosers, eh?

Gods! There’ve been some great DVD’s come out in the last few days. Romero’s Land of the Dead and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith primarily. And, I just read that there will be an unrated director’s cut of Zombie’s The Devil’s Reject’s coming at the end of November. Thankfully both x-mas and my birthday will be along soon and I can ask for them then, because god knows Mrs. Zombie won’t let me buy DVD’s right now. You see, November’s a tough month for me to ask to spend household money. That’s because I go hunting twice within a two week period (bow hunting on Veteran’s Day, and shotgun season the first weekend after Thanksgiving.) Both weekends cost a hundred or so bucks – before gas. Add on top of that the fact that I need to buy a deer tag and that I also, somehow, talked the Mrs. into letting me buy a new bumper for my Jeep, The Blue Zombie. Either way, I need to be on my best behavior.

That’s enough for today. Goodnight, dear reader.