Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I got poison ivy while cutting wood last weekend at our deer camp.

If you've never had it, let me fill you in on how bad poison ivy sucks.

Imagine a mosquito bite. Now multiply the itch by about a thousand and spread that mosquito bite over both of your forearms. Did I mention that NOTHING out there stops the itch?

Then those mosquito bites turn into oozing, crusty, ulcerating blisters. On top of that, you spend a two or three day period breaking out in new blisters as your body starts to react, so I'm still unsure how bad my exposure was.

It could be worse... my dad got it too. And, like I said, mine's limited to both of my forearms. My dad got it on his face and on his junk. I can't begin to describe the primal horror and distress the thought of getting this filth on Doctor Zombie's "little zombie" stirs within me. (shudder/)

So I sit here, feeling as though insects are squirming and twisting beneath the skin of my forearms. I sit here with my arms covered in a smelly, pink (and I suspect, ineffectual) smear of calamine lotion and Benedryl. And I sit here in a foul black mood BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THE FUCKING ITCHING!

I swear to the dark gods, if one more person tells me that it can't be that bad, that the medicine should make the itch stop; I am going to punch said person in the larynx and stand over their convulsing and prone body, listening in satisfaction as they gurgle and try to breath. I'll stand there and twitch with satisfaction, but only partly. The majority of my twitching will be because I CAN'T SCRATCH!

Groan. Please... make... the...itching...STOP!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Sleep Deprived

I’ve been really busy at work and I'm currently running on pure will and evil malice right now, but I found some awesome links that have been piling up and I needed to get a posting up this week before I left to go bow hunting for the weekend.

I’ll be back next week with a movie review of (shudder) Uwe Boll’s BloodRayne.

I’m going to pick this book up. It’s reminiscent of "Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide". How’d this one get past me?!? Here I am busily planning my take over of the world through a zombie Armageddon, and I find out the fucking robots are planning their own invasion! Dammit! Sure, they get the cool Cylon vibe, and sure, they get to wear vat grown flesh over a titanium endoskeleton. Sure, they even get the sexy weapons, like a phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range… but when all is said and done, us zombies got feelings – ya’ know? Screw those robots!

At the risk of getting my balls busted for wanting a murse, or a manbag, I have to admit that I’ve been looking for a new bag for when I go downtown for school. I just want something kind of trendy, but utilitarian for all the crap I’ve got to carry on a daily basis. I saw these and I am REALLY, REALLY tempted to pick one up. A bit pricy, but *damn* is it nice. And you can call it a man purse all you want, but I bet YOUR purse doesn’t have the capability of carrying an H&K USP .45 semi-automatic pistol with two or three back up magazines of ammunition!!! I’ve lately been thinking in terms of survival, and the concept of a Bug Out Bag (or BOB). These are bags that you would have with you in today’s uncertain world of terrorism and impending zombie or otherwise Armageddon. They would have basic survival supplies that would enable you to fight your way back home, or to a safe place in the event your home is overrun by ravenous cannibal hordes. This would suit that purpose AND carry the daily stuff I need (like my oscillating death ray). The only drawback is that it’s not big enough to carry my school notebooks. That being said, I still think it would probably look GREAT with my Utilikilt. Whaddya think?

I have to admit, Doctor Zombie LOVES him some ass kicking. Especially in my movies. I’ve been known to judge a movie on some very simplistic merits. For a movie to be good, it must have one or more of the following things: A) Gore, B) Monsters, C) Guns, D) Someone getting Kung fu kicked in the face, and E) boobs. What can I say; I’m a simple man with simple tastes. That said, I found this list (on a pretty cool site) of the greatest martial arts movies of all time, and I can find nothing wrong with their choices. I know that top ten lists are a dime a dozen on the internet, but it’s a rare list that I agree with almost entirely. Check it out…

Here’s a link to the new internet obsession – transhumanism. No, not transhumanism as it pertains to man’s quest to improve himself physiologically through science and/or technology. That’s how we run into trouble with the cyborgs (see today’s FIRST post!). I’m talking about the incredible amount of photo-shopping and airbrushing that professional models, actors, and actresses need in order to look like the preternaturally inhuman works of beauty that we see on magazines and on billboards. This is an especially telling example of this. Crap! This makes me think that I, in all of my grotesquely ugly glory, could be a friggin’ model. It’s funny how our perceptions of beauty and our perceptions of perfection are so manipulated by the media, advertising companies, and PR flacks. I find this fascinating - - it’s like Glamour Shots for the rich and famous.

And on the “Doctor Z. wishes he had some money to just invest in pieces of horror history” front - - this real estate agent has listed the house where the mutant rednecks immortalized in Truman Capote’s “In Cold Blood” murdered them a whole family. This is right up there with buying the house from the Amityville Horror, or the Spahn ranch (where Smilin’ Charlie Manson murdered Sharon Tate), or even Boleskine Castle in Scotland (Aleister Crowley’s mansion). How cool would it be to buy this place?!?

That’s all for now, dear reader. I’ve been working from about 5:30pm to 5:30 am for the last three nights at work. I’ve another class to train tonight until 11ish, and then I’m going to crawl off to my coffin for some much needed rest. I’ve found that, when I have a total of less than 5 or so hours sleep - over a three day period, people end up getting murdered. It just happens, and I (sometimes) feel a little remorseful that it has to happen; but they should probably stay clear of a sleep deprived, evil, undead Doctor if they know what’s best for them. I’m just sayin’…

Monday, November 06, 2006


Make sure you get out and vote tomorrow (or today if you're reading this on 11/14!). Normally, this'd be the point that I'd go off in some liberal rage at the blunderings of the current administration and its Republican lackeys, but I've actually found someone a little bit more articulate than myself.

I received this in an email from Ken Kish from Cinema Wasteland and it is absolutely beautiful! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Are YOU personally better off than you were just six years ago? Sick of being
called “un-American” by middle aged gay bashing closet homos and Republican
pedophile politicians looking to sex up your teenage son? Sick and tired of
the same old lies and three word slogans designed tocon inbred red staters and those too stupid to breath if it weren't an involuntary function rather than actual leadership in this Country? Is it getting to the point that you feel America is just one big collective spit-dribbling retard and the best thing that could happen is to have the sun explode? Remember that you have the right to vote the worthless bums out on November 6th. Sadly, In Ohio our vote no longer counts (and I just go through the motions so I have the right to bitch) so PLEASE get out and vote before your vote doesn’t matter either... PLEASE!"
Please take some time to go over to Cinema Wasteland and spend some drachmas on some of their stuff. Besides Ken's awesome civic-mindedness, they're doing some great stuff for the whole horror genre!

I command you my evil undead minions! Show them some love and support! AND VOTE!!!!