Friday, April 20, 2007

Dr. Z's Conveyance of Doom II

So the weather finally broke and I spent some time washing and waxing the Harley.

Behold! Doctor Zombie's Conveyance of Doom. Tremble in fear! Wallow in your jealousy!

Now I'm a bald, sexy, motorcycle-riding badass!

Now scram, you! Begone before someone drops a house on you!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Obligatory Virginia Tech Posting

So I was watching the Today show yesterday. They had a graduate student from Virginia Tech on. The reason they were interviewing her was because she went to high school at Columbine.

Yep. That's right. She was there at Columbine and she was there at the Virginia Tech shooting. Talk about having the worst damned luck in the world.

She was actually in the cafeteria when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were going from table to table, extermininating all of the kids who had ever done them wrong. And now, years later, she's got to live through this shit again.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't stand next to this chick during a lightning storm...

All in all, this whole thing in Virginia sucks. The thing is, every time something like this happens, I can't help but sympathize with these poor guys who freak the fuck out and start shooting people. I was one of those kids who wore dark clothes in high school. I was one of those kids who got picked on by the beautiful people. My friends and I were a little too smart, a little too weird, a little too nihilistic and misanthropic.

I understand. Not that I went that way, but I understand.

I have two concerns with this whole mess. First, that it will give the Democrats in Washington an excuse to institute additional gun bans. I'm a liberal. I'm REALLY liberal. But I also grew up in a family of sportsmen who hunted. Also, my father was a cop. I grew up around guns and I differ from many of my liberal counterparts in that I feel the Second Amendment is inviolable and sacred. And, if the liberal pussies at most American universities (Virginia Tech included) would allow licensed concealed carry holders to carry their weapons on college campuses, 33 people might not be dead right now. We don't need more gun laws, we need common sense loosening of the current laws. Guns - in the hands of licensed citizens - are the first line of defense. Cops can't be everywhere and can only respond to situations like this after people begin dying. So where does that leave those who are there, defenseless and facing the psychotic gaze of a mentally unbalanced nutjob?

My second concern is that this tragedy will allow the anti-gun agitists to push their agenda and, in so doing, bury the deeper issues that should be at the forefront of any rational evaluation of this tragedy. Namely, that there are kids out there who need help. Kids who are walking timebombs that have all the signs. To extend the metaphor, they are ticking so loudly that anybody with a reasonable ability to interpret such things should hear it. Generation Y, the current generation of kids born after 1980, have lived their whole lives with the belief that they are the center of the universe. They are the "Baby On Board" generation who have been told that they can be anything they want and do anything that they set their minds to...all while being catered to and pampered by overindulgent parents. This manifests itself in increased rudeness, a sense of entitlement, and a need for continued attention. And when they don't get it - - some of them end up like this guy Cho. Or Eric Harris. Or Dylan Klebold. And that's where the focus should be...

Enough for today. I know return you to your regularly scheduled mental breakdown...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Jumping Everybody Else's Train...

Just in case you weren't aware.... Bush lost the war.

Pass it along.

Tell the world.

This is what happens when big-eared, c-average, underachieving grotesqueries steal elections and the White House; lie to us; and use 9/11 as an impetus to fuck around where we don't belong.

Americans are dead.

And George W. Bush will surely try to pass the blame when we have to slink away from Iraq like diseased rats. Don't let him lie yet again and try to blame everybody but himself and his bloodthirty thralls. Because he most assuredly will, and he and his rabid, boot-licking lackeys will question OUR patriotism. This above all things I understand least. How does my opposition to a war equate to a lack of patriotism? And how does my "lack of patriotism" cause a civil war in Iraq and Afghanistan? Has my vociferous opposition to an illegal occupation CAUSED American soldiers to die? Doesn't seem likely, does it? And yet the Ann Coulters and Rush Limbaughs and Dick "Shoot-a-poor-fucker-in-the-face" Cheneys will question my love for my country?

Excuse me while I snort in derision. (Snort!)

The reason American's are dying every day is because of Article II, Section 2 of the US Constitution.

And don't let anybody else tell you otherwise.

Pass it on...

Friday, April 06, 2007

So why does JC get a pass when he rises from the dead...

... and I get angry villagers with torches and pitchforks!?!?

So – in lieu of the approaching Easter weekend, I’ve attached an email I got from my kid sister. It’s a nice little tribute to the upcoming holiday!

It’s been edited some, for appearance and clarity…

By the way, my sis – the ex-Becki Zombie (she got married this last summer and dropped our time honored and terror inducing surname) – feels much the way I do about organized religion. This makes me giggle!

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Top Ten Signs You're a Christian
You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt
8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god
7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!
6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.
4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".
3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.
2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian

An Open letter to Dr. Laura, or GWB, or Pat Robertson, or any other closeminded Conservative douchebag

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend homosexuality, for example, I will simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other laws in Leviticus and Exodus and how to best follow them. To wit:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as stated in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how can I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Leviticus 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Canadians, but not Mexicans. Can you clarify?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine says that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Leviticus 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.