Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm Back, Bitches!

... with some links sure to whet your darkest hunger!

They're wacky, they're bizarre, and they're a sign that I most likely need serious, serious psychiatric help.

First on our cavalcade of oddness is this great article I found on the middle name of Wayne. It's from over at News of the Weird. The owner of that site noticed an oddity that seems too common to be mere coincidence. Apparently, there are literally hundreds of murderers out there - - all with the middle name of Wayne. Weird, huh? I mean we all know the famous ones... like John Wayne Gacy or Elmer Wayne Henley. But - seriously - there are many more. A disturbing amount more. Now, I've heard it argued before that the press has a weird fascination with using the middle name of serial killers (I even believe the X-Files had an episode where one of the Lone Gunmen waxed philosophical about it). I imagine it's done to differentiate the killers from normal people with the name and, hopefully, spare them some of the shame and infamy they're namesakes might have had. I mean, could you imagine how bad it would suck if your mom, Mrs. Dahmer, really like the name Jeff? And that's probably one of the reasons for the whole Henry Lee Lucas, John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald thing. Or is it? Anyway... I'm just bringing this to your attention in case you actually know someone with the middle name Wayne. If you do, I'd keep an eye on that fucker. I bet he's - right now - thinking about killing you, raping your corpse, and eating your liver. I'm just saying...

I will be the first to admit I love Goth music and wearing all black. So much so that Mrs. Zombie tends to get pissed off when she sees my t-shirt drawer. "Dammit, Doctor Z!" says she, "would it kill you to get a blue or green shirt? If you buy one more black shirt I'm going to scream!" That being said, I'm old school enough to say that I went through the black eyeliner, long black hair, and all back clothes phase sometime in the early 90's (I blame Brandon Lee and The film adaptation of J. O'Barr's The Crow"). That being said, I was always aware of the limitations of my fashion choices. Believe it or not, Northern Ohio, in the summer, is beastly hot and humid. Unbearably so. So I've never been adverse to wearing shorts and dressing for comfort. This site, on the other hand, makes fun of Goths who just won't let their emo, Marilyn Manson obsession go. It's called Goths In Hot Weather. The site's funny, snarky, and makes me laugh because I get it and have been there. Check it out.

In line with my never ending fascination with cannibalism in all of its forms... as well as my goal to climb a mountain in the next year... this is a great article about how best to survive an emergency where it becomes necessary to eat your fellow travelers or plane crash victims. Useful information to be found here. Sure Bear Grylls will drink his pee and squeeze water from elephant poo... but does he mention tips for how to eat someone when you're trapped above the death zone on a 14000meter peak? I don't think so. (And I totally think Les Stroud is more likely to eat a brother than old Bear. Bear's badass, but Les is a god!)

Michael Jackson. Yeah. He died. And I'm commenting on it. You have no idea how much I hate myself for having to do this. Anyway... I get the mass hysteria his death produced. I will (grudgingly) admit that I had a copy of Thriller and spent an entire Boy Scout troop meeting sometime back in the 80's trying to moonwalk. I think the single Thriller and the subsequent video continues to be a masterpiece of Halloween goodness. And I do respect him as a musician. In today's soulless, over produced wasteland that is pop music, there will never be a performer of his caliber. All of these things I will concede. But am I the only one who thinks his whole legacy was tainted by the fact that he did inappropriate things with little boys?!? I get that he was probably mentally ill and that it was a direct result of his douchebag father, Joe Jackson -- but it still doesn't sit right. All the adulation seems odd to me. But, that aside, the reason I'm writing this is because I knew he was obsessed with Peter Pan. There are some that argue that was his whole goal with the skin bleaching and cosmetic surgery. This article, though, sheds some light on another of Jacko's obsessions and fascinations. Apparently, he wanted to do a movie based on the life of Edgar Allen Poe. He identified with the brilliant but tortured writer. Kind of gives it a different spin, huh? I can't say that I would have seen a movie about Poe as played by Michael Jackson... but I'd be there opening night if it was a Tim Burton film starring Johnny Depp. Totally.

This video is fucking brilliant! If Doctor Z hadn't mangled his beanbag with a vasectomy... this would totally make me buy condoms again! Found via and

This just pisses me off! Am I the only evil genius who dreams of a wondrous world full of Dr. Moreau-like chimeras and manimals!?! Fucking Congress and their stupid laws about "scientific responsibility". If it passes, by the way, I'm not going to do anything about the cooler full of human/animal embryos I have in a corner of my lab beneath the Midnight Theater of Terror. They can have my test tubes when thy pry them from my cold, undead hand! (When they make genetic god-like monster creation criminal, only criminals will have genetic god-like monster creation labs!)

Fascinating site I'll be adding to the blogroll. Some great pictures in here... check it out!

That's all for now, dear readers... I'll be back for more cannibalism, degeneracy, and various, nefarious shenanigans soon!!!