I'm sneaking out of work in a half hour to go see Rob Zombie's Halloween. Woot!
I watched John Carpenter's original last night, and that helped reassure me that I always have the classic in case Rob totally fucks up.
Please, dear dark, pagan gods! Don't let this suck!
Watch for a review later tonight!!!
Taking over the world... one undead soul at a time.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Dr. Z's Conveyance of Doom III
I wanted to post a couple of new pictures of my Harley. I just finally swapped out the drag bars for some 12 inch ape hangers (that, plus a 6 inch riser puts the apes at about 18 inches. They sit nice at about shoulder height.)
I also fixed the shifter that I broke about two and a half weeks ago. There were some problems with the new shifter rod fitting the old forward controls, but my friend Chris took the forward control into work and lathed it out to fit the new shifter rod. That, by the way, was a perfect example of my tax dollars at work. He works for NASA, and only charged me $750,000 to fix it. Compared to most government spending, I think I got off pretty cheap!
So I finally rode it and I'm really, really happy with the feel and look of it. 
The apes fit perfectly and I'm already noticing the difference. You see, besides the fact that apehangers just look bad ass, I was starting to get some wrist pain from the old drag bars. The apes have completely eliminated that and, oddly enough, the apes make the bike just feel bigger.
The apes fit perfectly and I'm already noticing the difference. You see, besides the fact that apehangers just look bad ass, I was starting to get some wrist pain from the old drag bars. The apes have completely eliminated that and, oddly enough, the apes make the bike just feel bigger.So - now I'm rolling in style. The only other upgrade I really need/want is a solo seat. Besides giving the Harley an old school bobber look, it'll keep me out of trouble with Mrs. Zombie. If I have a solo seat, the likelihood and possibility of some scooter tramp trying to get a ride is significantly reduced. No sense tempting the gods, or running the risk of pissing off Mrs. Zombie because some skanky barfly hops on for a ride. It also eliminates my having to be a dick and telling the skanks that they're not welcome on Dr. Zombie's Conveyance of Doom.
Enough for now, dear readers. I'm off to go for a ride to my favorite cemetary for a little grave robbing.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Dr. Z's Library of Terror!
Often – this blog focuses so much on the visual sort of horror. Movies, and such. One thing to bear in mind is that I am also a writer and, in order to be a good wirter, a writer needs to read. And I read a lot. I often have four or five books going at any time. In fact, Mrs. Zombie honestly considered not marrying me because she was concerned about the inordinate amount of money I spent on books. Fortunately, I wooed her enough to get her to see past any misgivings, and I also got much more sneaky about my book buying behavior (Halfprice books is Doctor Zombie’s friend and book addiction enabler!).
I love movie horror, but – just as much – I love horror writing also.
So, I decided to put together a couple lists of things that I’m currently reading, and current authors I’ve been especially fond of and that I consider great additions to any horror fans personal library. I need to qualify that... my literary tastes change and fluctuate so frequently that this list, unfortunately, has a shelf life of about two or three months. I've tried, however, to include some additions that have staying power, but no promises.
Also, these lists are in no way complete, but they’re a good start…
Essential Authors
HP Lovecraft – The father of modern horror. Lovecraft’s 1920’s and 1930’s pulp horror is absolutely breathtaking in its scope and language. Any horror writer alive today would most likely list Providence RI’s dark son of horror as an influence. Lovecraft encapsulated the paranoia of a world on the cusp of scientific exploration, and melded it with old world horror. He was the first writer to scare the hell out his readers with the idea that there may be Others out there – Others who don’t care about us or our meaningless lives - as well as older, more ancient evils; evils that predate humanity and have haunted our nightmares since our first hairy and barely bipedal forebearers crouched in terror in their caves, trembling at the darkness outside.
Stephen King – I love old Stephen King, before he became a parody of himself. And there are snobs out there who don’t consider what King does literature. (I know. I’ve argued with college English professors about this.) The fact of the matter is, regardless of how many copies he sold, no matter how mainstream is works are, no matter how many movies are made of his work, King is prolific. History will view him as a literary master. He crafts an excellent story and his exposition and dialogue are always tight. His earlier works (Carrie, Cujo, The Shining, The Stand, etc.) are classics of 20th century literature. My first King novel was Salem’s Lot. I was nine or ten when I read it and it scared the ever living crap out of me. Some 25+ years later, I still can’t walk past a window, late at night, without getting a twinge of fear at seeing a small boy floating there with pale skin, sharp canines, and long dirty nails tapping on the panes. “Let me in! Please…let me in.”
Richard Laymon – If you’ve never experienced Laymon, you don’t know what you’re missing. Laymon wrote about thirty books before his death in 2001 from a massive heart attack. What I so love about Laymon is his willingness to show the dark side of humanity. Also, he starts the action of his novels within a page or two of it starting. Unlike King, he just jumps right in and begins the horror show. His mix of wit and terror and raw human sexuality is unique and his death was a loss to the world of horror fiction.
Poppy Z. Brite – Poppy Z. Brite is one of those authors that bends the definition of literary genre. Her early horror works are luscious tales of young gay goth men in the south. Almost like a twisted, pro-gay southern gothic style reminiscent of Tenessee Williams, Poppy populates her stories with vampires, ghosts, and deep southern voodoo. She has a singular vision and is a writer firmly of my own generation that encapsulates the transitional horror of the that liminal period at the end of 20th century. Her horror is visceral, bloody, and always deliciously, decadently sensual.
Chuck Palahniuk – the author of Fight Club has other works out there that are seriously all about the mindfuck. The book that sold me on his genius, though, was Haunted. I bought this because I’d heard – anecdotally – that one of the stories in it had actually caused several people to faint at his readings and signings because it was so ghastly. My first, highly cynical thought was that it was just a ploy by his publisher to sell books. And then I read the story. Called “Guts”, this story was terrifying, creepy, and altogether emotionally disturbing. As I was reading it, I got light-headed and started to get a little dizzy. The rest of the novel is a rollercoaster of chilling vignettes. Palahniuk is a genius of going to the edge of sanity and blithely dancing across the line to the deeper, darker recesses of the human mind.
Honorable mentions…
Dean Koontz – I read Koontz and think two things. 1) Sheer genius! and, 2) I so could have written this! (But probably not as well. Dammit.)
Brian Keene – Keene is re-imagining the zombie genre. A bit dark and pessimistic, it’s always a joy to read about some flesh-eating zombie goodness.
Edward Lee – A new writer who’s work focuses on the Mephistopholis – the city that spreads like a throbbing, pulsing, malignant cancerous growth over Hell. Very imaginative and great characters.
Neil Gaiman – Not necessarily horror, but awesome fantasy. Gaiman has a flare for imagining new worlds that live at the very periphery of ours, sort of a tamer version of…
Clive Barker – Man, back in the day Clive was a fucking genius! He hasn’t really done much lately that is truly horrific, but when he does he goes full balls out. Reading Clive is like taking a roadtrip into madness.
Max Brooks – Of course, the author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. Again – a reinvigorating shot in the arm of the zombie genre…
Doctor Zombie’s Current Reading List
Richard Laymon – Among the Missing
- Fantastic. Classic Laymon. I’m slowly working my way through all of Laymon’s books (I just discovered him last year) and have yet to be disappointed.
Dean Koontz – Forever Odd
The second in Dean Koontz’ newest series features a young man named Odd Thomas who speaks to the dead. I should finish this in the next day or so and then begin begging Mrs. Zombie for the money to buy the newest in the series – Brother Odd.
Slavomir Rawicz – The Long Walk
A re-read. I go back to this book every 6 months or so. It’s an incredible story. The book was written because a journalist went to England to interview to an old man who had supposedly seen a yeti in the Himalayas in 1940. It was basically a puff piece. When the journalist asked why the man was in the Himalayas, the funny piece about the Abominable Snowman was dwarfed by Rawicz’ story. Rawicz was a Polish officer captured by the Russians in 1939, he escaped a Siberian gulag and WALKED 4,000 miles to India. He walked OVER the Himalayas. He walked THROUGH the Gobi desert. He transversed the ENTIRE Asian continent. A story of incredible human endurance and perseverence – this book is just inspirational.
Donald Tyson - Necronomicon: The Wanderings of Alhazrad.
A beautifully twisted fictionalized translation of the necronomicon. Tyson fully captures the evil, degenerate evilness of the mad arab, Abdul Alhazrad.
Matthew Reilly – Scarecrow
A guilty pleasure, this is the third in a military action thriller series about a special forces soldier with the code name of Scarecrow. Simplistic, unrealistic, tactically ridiculous, and action-oriented, it’s still a good read and I like the characters.
Now - away with you! I just got a line on a copy of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, bound in human flesh. Some guy named Ash has a copy he's willing to sell for a six pack of beer, some chainsaw bar oil, and a a box of shotgun shells...
I love movie horror, but – just as much – I love horror writing also.
So, I decided to put together a couple lists of things that I’m currently reading, and current authors I’ve been especially fond of and that I consider great additions to any horror fans personal library. I need to qualify that... my literary tastes change and fluctuate so frequently that this list, unfortunately, has a shelf life of about two or three months. I've tried, however, to include some additions that have staying power, but no promises.
Also, these lists are in no way complete, but they’re a good start…
Essential Authors
HP Lovecraft – The father of modern horror. Lovecraft’s 1920’s and 1930’s pulp horror is absolutely breathtaking in its scope and language. Any horror writer alive today would most likely list Providence RI’s dark son of horror as an influence. Lovecraft encapsulated the paranoia of a world on the cusp of scientific exploration, and melded it with old world horror. He was the first writer to scare the hell out his readers with the idea that there may be Others out there – Others who don’t care about us or our meaningless lives - as well as older, more ancient evils; evils that predate humanity and have haunted our nightmares since our first hairy and barely bipedal forebearers crouched in terror in their caves, trembling at the darkness outside.
Stephen King – I love old Stephen King, before he became a parody of himself. And there are snobs out there who don’t consider what King does literature. (I know. I’ve argued with college English professors about this.) The fact of the matter is, regardless of how many copies he sold, no matter how mainstream is works are, no matter how many movies are made of his work, King is prolific. History will view him as a literary master. He crafts an excellent story and his exposition and dialogue are always tight. His earlier works (Carrie, Cujo, The Shining, The Stand, etc.) are classics of 20th century literature. My first King novel was Salem’s Lot. I was nine or ten when I read it and it scared the ever living crap out of me. Some 25+ years later, I still can’t walk past a window, late at night, without getting a twinge of fear at seeing a small boy floating there with pale skin, sharp canines, and long dirty nails tapping on the panes. “Let me in! Please…let me in.”
Richard Laymon – If you’ve never experienced Laymon, you don’t know what you’re missing. Laymon wrote about thirty books before his death in 2001 from a massive heart attack. What I so love about Laymon is his willingness to show the dark side of humanity. Also, he starts the action of his novels within a page or two of it starting. Unlike King, he just jumps right in and begins the horror show. His mix of wit and terror and raw human sexuality is unique and his death was a loss to the world of horror fiction.
Poppy Z. Brite – Poppy Z. Brite is one of those authors that bends the definition of literary genre. Her early horror works are luscious tales of young gay goth men in the south. Almost like a twisted, pro-gay southern gothic style reminiscent of Tenessee Williams, Poppy populates her stories with vampires, ghosts, and deep southern voodoo. She has a singular vision and is a writer firmly of my own generation that encapsulates the transitional horror of the that liminal period at the end of 20th century. Her horror is visceral, bloody, and always deliciously, decadently sensual.
Chuck Palahniuk – the author of Fight Club has other works out there that are seriously all about the mindfuck. The book that sold me on his genius, though, was Haunted. I bought this because I’d heard – anecdotally – that one of the stories in it had actually caused several people to faint at his readings and signings because it was so ghastly. My first, highly cynical thought was that it was just a ploy by his publisher to sell books. And then I read the story. Called “Guts”, this story was terrifying, creepy, and altogether emotionally disturbing. As I was reading it, I got light-headed and started to get a little dizzy. The rest of the novel is a rollercoaster of chilling vignettes. Palahniuk is a genius of going to the edge of sanity and blithely dancing across the line to the deeper, darker recesses of the human mind.
Honorable mentions…
Dean Koontz – I read Koontz and think two things. 1) Sheer genius! and, 2) I so could have written this! (But probably not as well. Dammit.)
Brian Keene – Keene is re-imagining the zombie genre. A bit dark and pessimistic, it’s always a joy to read about some flesh-eating zombie goodness.
Edward Lee – A new writer who’s work focuses on the Mephistopholis – the city that spreads like a throbbing, pulsing, malignant cancerous growth over Hell. Very imaginative and great characters.
Neil Gaiman – Not necessarily horror, but awesome fantasy. Gaiman has a flare for imagining new worlds that live at the very periphery of ours, sort of a tamer version of…
Clive Barker – Man, back in the day Clive was a fucking genius! He hasn’t really done much lately that is truly horrific, but when he does he goes full balls out. Reading Clive is like taking a roadtrip into madness.
Max Brooks – Of course, the author of The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. Again – a reinvigorating shot in the arm of the zombie genre…
Doctor Zombie’s Current Reading List
Richard Laymon – Among the Missing
- Fantastic. Classic Laymon. I’m slowly working my way through all of Laymon’s books (I just discovered him last year) and have yet to be disappointed.
Dean Koontz – Forever Odd
The second in Dean Koontz’ newest series features a young man named Odd Thomas who speaks to the dead. I should finish this in the next day or so and then begin begging Mrs. Zombie for the money to buy the newest in the series – Brother Odd.
Slavomir Rawicz – The Long Walk
A re-read. I go back to this book every 6 months or so. It’s an incredible story. The book was written because a journalist went to England to interview to an old man who had supposedly seen a yeti in the Himalayas in 1940. It was basically a puff piece. When the journalist asked why the man was in the Himalayas, the funny piece about the Abominable Snowman was dwarfed by Rawicz’ story. Rawicz was a Polish officer captured by the Russians in 1939, he escaped a Siberian gulag and WALKED 4,000 miles to India. He walked OVER the Himalayas. He walked THROUGH the Gobi desert. He transversed the ENTIRE Asian continent. A story of incredible human endurance and perseverence – this book is just inspirational.
Donald Tyson - Necronomicon: The Wanderings of Alhazrad.
A beautifully twisted fictionalized translation of the necronomicon. Tyson fully captures the evil, degenerate evilness of the mad arab, Abdul Alhazrad.
Matthew Reilly – Scarecrow
A guilty pleasure, this is the third in a military action thriller series about a special forces soldier with the code name of Scarecrow. Simplistic, unrealistic, tactically ridiculous, and action-oriented, it’s still a good read and I like the characters.
Now - away with you! I just got a line on a copy of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis, bound in human flesh. Some guy named Ash has a copy he's willing to sell for a six pack of beer, some chainsaw bar oil, and a a box of shotgun shells...
Friday, August 17, 2007
My First Crazy Stalker!
So - two days ago I got a crazy comment from an anonymous poster on my Caffeine, Star trek, and Mullets post.
I was intrigued by the poster's apparent paranoid schizophrenia, so I decided not to delete the comment. I figured I'd just relish this rare view into the inner workings of a deranged mind.
The thing is, I'm still intrigued a day later - so I did a little Googling of some of Anon's crazy chatter and it looks like he's been dumping his evil goo all over Blogger, Wordpress, and other assorted blogging sites for months. It's all the same basic rant, just added on to. Apparently I have the latest, most recently updated incarnation. He's apparently been busy writing more of his racist, anti-religious, paranoid, incomprehensible gibberish - at least when he's NOT fighting off the hungry, human-sized lizards that have been hunting him with a marlin spike.
He did leave an email address: odd1906evil@even2006good.com
I am so tempted to write him and ask if he's really as batty as he sounds or if all of this spamming is just some sort of social internet experiment or performance art. Maybe if I get a disposable email I'll do it. I may even pretend to be an adherent to the wisdom he's spreading. Tell him I grok it, I dig it. But not with my regular email. Nuh-uh. No way.
Oooo... but I'm so fascinated with this craziness!
*******************************************************
Later...
All right, so I've broken down and sent him an email. I actually just recently changed my email provider and my old account is still open - but it will be closed in a few weeks (or whenever this months payment runs out...), so I figured, "what the hell, what can it hurt?".
So what if he inundates my inbox with more psychobabble? I'm getting rid of the account anyway. I've put on my tin foil hat and set myself to baiting the loony, stalker.
The thing is, I feel sorry for the pychopaths. There is a poingnant sadness to the incessant ravings, heeding of voices, and visions of crawling bugs and snakes all over one's body. Whereas I am simply an amoral, murderous, sociopath - I at least have full control over my faculties and can live a normal appearing life. I bet this guy lives in mom's basement, makes "meeping" noises in public, unconsciously pulls his ratty, unwashed hair, and has written gibberish equations explaining God's existence all over the walls of his "secure hideout".
Poor, unfortunate nutjob... now he's got the attention of Doctor Zombie. I expect things won't go well for him...
*******************************************************
Even Later Still...
So I held off on actually posting this because I didn't want to scare off Mr. WhackoPants.
Unfortunately, my email was bounced back as "no such email". I guess the mystery ends here, in a dead end...
Too bad that. This guy seemed genuinely and completely monkey shit crazy . Oh well. I'll periodically be checking back on him through Google to see if I can get more information on him as his "manifesto" evolves...
I was intrigued by the poster's apparent paranoid schizophrenia, so I decided not to delete the comment. I figured I'd just relish this rare view into the inner workings of a deranged mind.
The thing is, I'm still intrigued a day later - so I did a little Googling of some of Anon's crazy chatter and it looks like he's been dumping his evil goo all over Blogger, Wordpress, and other assorted blogging sites for months. It's all the same basic rant, just added on to. Apparently I have the latest, most recently updated incarnation. He's apparently been busy writing more of his racist, anti-religious, paranoid, incomprehensible gibberish - at least when he's NOT fighting off the hungry, human-sized lizards that have been hunting him with a marlin spike.
He did leave an email address: odd1906evil@even2006good.com
I am so tempted to write him and ask if he's really as batty as he sounds or if all of this spamming is just some sort of social internet experiment or performance art. Maybe if I get a disposable email I'll do it. I may even pretend to be an adherent to the wisdom he's spreading. Tell him I grok it, I dig it. But not with my regular email. Nuh-uh. No way.
Oooo... but I'm so fascinated with this craziness!
*******************************************************
Later...
All right, so I've broken down and sent him an email. I actually just recently changed my email provider and my old account is still open - but it will be closed in a few weeks (or whenever this months payment runs out...), so I figured, "what the hell, what can it hurt?".
So what if he inundates my inbox with more psychobabble? I'm getting rid of the account anyway. I've put on my tin foil hat and set myself to baiting the loony, stalker.
The thing is, I feel sorry for the pychopaths. There is a poingnant sadness to the incessant ravings, heeding of voices, and visions of crawling bugs and snakes all over one's body. Whereas I am simply an amoral, murderous, sociopath - I at least have full control over my faculties and can live a normal appearing life. I bet this guy lives in mom's basement, makes "meeping" noises in public, unconsciously pulls his ratty, unwashed hair, and has written gibberish equations explaining God's existence all over the walls of his "secure hideout".
Poor, unfortunate nutjob... now he's got the attention of Doctor Zombie. I expect things won't go well for him...
*******************************************************
Even Later Still...
So I held off on actually posting this because I didn't want to scare off Mr. WhackoPants.
Unfortunately, my email was bounced back as "no such email". I guess the mystery ends here, in a dead end...
Too bad that. This guy seemed genuinely and completely monkey shit crazy . Oh well. I'll periodically be checking back on him through Google to see if I can get more information on him as his "manifesto" evolves...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
The Autumn Of The Living Dead!
So - some great flicks coming out soon. The first is, of course Rob Zombie's Halloween on August 31st. I'm leery about a remake of what, in my opinion, is one of the greatest horror movies of all time. The dark gods know that they did a down right shitty job with the sequels - much less a remake. But - it's directed by Rob Zombie, and I think he's got a great artistic vision. I'm biased because he's probably one of my favorite artists in general, but I have high expectations for this. Hope I'm not disappointed.
Also up, and with more of the actual lip-smacking, flesh eating, beating-on-the-doors-because-they-want-your-brains! zombie goodness, we have the latest Resident Evil incarnation coming out on September 21st. Resident Evil: Extinction looks good and, although the zombies take the back seat to the character of Alice, they're still there and I think this series has done a good job of keeping zombies at the forefront of the horror consciousness. The prior two were (in my not so humble opinion) one of the rare instances where a movie surpassed the game it was based on and - unlike any of the bloody abortions that Uwe Boll directs - actually succeeded in the crossover to the silver screen as a successful stand alone story. Let's hope I'm not disappointed. (Although I expect that there will be additional luscious nakedness by Milla Jovovich. I am powerless when faced with the hotness of Milla... dear sweet Milla. Naked Milla is a win all around and will guarantee at least three stars when I review it...) Too bad they never got around to making George Romero's version of Resident Evil...
Speaking of the god that is George Romero - production has wrapped on his fifth living dead film and we're starting to see some leaked photos on the internet. Diary of the Dead is set to make its premiere at the Toronto Film Fest on September 8th and is a throwback to the renegade, independent films that so endeared fans to Romero's original works. No big budget, studio produced, fucked with and watered down zombie flick this. It goes back to what made George the household (or at least MY household) name that he is today. This one's got my cold, undead nether bits twitching in anticipation, dear readers!
Speaking of the Romero's seminal work - the remake of his classic Night of the Living Dead will be available on DVD from Lionsgate films on October 9th. This reworked 3D version (That's right! I said 3D, mother fuckers! Woot!!!) stars Sid "Captain Spaulding" Haig and, truthfully has me really, really intrigued. I'll of course be purchasing a copy on October 10th...
So - I'll be spending a great deal of time this upcoming fall indulging in that which makes me so happy - zombie films! I will of course be watching the flicks and running home to write reviews for the site, so make sure you check back. And, if anybody in Ohio wants to go see some zombie carnage with the good Doctor, drop me an email at doctorzombie-AT-oh-dot-rr-dot-com. (hit the clicky up top and to the right!) I'll be happy to see it with you because that just means I don't need to sneak snacks into the movie. I'll have your brains to munch on!!!
Caffeine, Star Trek, and Mullets!
I’ve got some tasty links for you! I just pulled them off of the barbeque where I was also grilling up a nice piece of college coed. Mmmm… meat….
I’ve admitted before how much of a geek I am. To the eternal dismay of Mrs. Zombie, I’m always going on about Star Trek, Star Wars, vampires, zombies, The Simpsons, roleplaying, or some other thing that would have made her serious doubt the wisdom of marrying me had she known about it beforehand. Well... that and how much I fart. I hid that so well that she is still amazed that I didn’t internally combust at anytime while we were dating. But I digress…
Besides being a geek, I’m unrepentant about it and KNOW that I’m a geek. I have no problem laughing at myself. That’s why I found this link listing Ten Things I Hate About Star Trek so damned funny…
In that same vein, I found this article about a mathemetician and philosopher who’s proved – mathematically – that we may actually be SIM–like denizens of some future human's computers. While it’s not so cool as being Neo and waking up in a vat of pink goo to a world darkened by a human/machine war – it’s still kind of chilling. I actually got goosebumps reading this and have been unable to stop thinking about it all morning.
This dumb chick OD’d on caffeine. This struck me as really, really fucking funny. We often joke that my brother Phil can drive drunk better than he can drive sober – but never, EVER let him have coffee. He doesn’t normally drink caffeine in any form, but the two or three times he has, he’s had accidents. It’s like the caffeine messes with his reflexes and hand eye coordination. Along the same lines, my other brother Aron actually had to go to the hospital when he was in Med School. He was popping No-Doz and had been up for like four days straight. He started to get irregular heart rhythm. That caffeine’s some hardcore shit – and I can’t personally live without it. Addiction’s a terrible thing, man…
Diamond Dave is back! Woot! I think I might go see this show. One of my dirty little secrets is that I love Van Halen. (Excuse me while I wax all Joe Dirt, “None of that Van Hagar shit! They weren’t no Van Halen with that Hagar dude!”). I actually saw David Lee Roth a couple years back. My sister had won tickets and Mrs. Zombie and I went with her and my brother-in-law. It was a small venue (of course!) and it was just pure fried cheese. Dave’s still running around in his spandex jump suit, still doing karate kicks and spinning the mike stand like he’s fighting off the forces of bad rock, and is still convinced that every girl there wants his old, wrinkled, bald ass. He still thinks it’s 1985 and he’s still the greatest rocker alive! What’s really funny is that our seats were off to the side a little bit and we could actually see behind the stage. What Dave’d do is he’d sing a song and then have his guitarist launch into a really, really long guitar solo. Dave, who’d been dancing and swirling like a Geriatric Ninja Turtle, would run back stage where an assistant would be waiting. Dave then would bend over, gasping for air as he downed a beer and smoked a cigarette until his pacemaker got his heart back into a regular rhythm. God – getting old sucks! I’ll still see this show though, and I may try to track down a mullet wig for it. Van Halen Rocks!
Check it out! I found a website for a local guy who’s into making movies and also checking out our local paranormal scene. It's called Creepy Cleveland. I was actually looking into some local haunted areas in preparation for some Halloween shenanigans. (And – it goes without saying – Halloween is Doctor Zombie’s favorite holiday!) when I ran into his site. I’ve added him to my blogroll. Check out his blog and also the site for his movie work. Maybe I can convince him to have a Doctor Zombie cameo in an upcoming project? Probably not, but even undead evil scientists can dream, can’t they?!? Interesting side note, his latest update is about the Franklin Castle. It’s a local haunted castle that’s actually owned by a friend of mine named Michelle. I went to college with her and my brother Richie dated her best friend, Becky, for a little bit. We actually had a great Halloween party there a few years back - before it was set afire by a crazy homeless guy. Very cool, very creepy!
And – finally – another celebrity blog. This time it’s Bear Grylls. I love his show Man vs. Wild, although, as an experienced outdoorsman with some survival training, I would never do half the stuff he does. In a survival situation, one shouldn’t take the chances he does. But, it’s good entertainment and he’s an extreme adventurer. And all this bullshit about his having faked some of the stuff on his shows? I’m really sort of “meh” about it. The guy is hard core and has proven that he’s hard core. He’s summitted Everest, he’s sailed across the Arctic Ocean, he broke his back doing a parachute jump while serving in the British SAS. The guy’s got the credibility. So he may have fudged a little bit in the best interest of entertainment. Who cares. He’s still a bad ass.
Now – back to my grilling of human flesh. Where’d I put that barbeque sauce?
I’ve admitted before how much of a geek I am. To the eternal dismay of Mrs. Zombie, I’m always going on about Star Trek, Star Wars, vampires, zombies, The Simpsons, roleplaying, or some other thing that would have made her serious doubt the wisdom of marrying me had she known about it beforehand. Well... that and how much I fart. I hid that so well that she is still amazed that I didn’t internally combust at anytime while we were dating. But I digress…
Besides being a geek, I’m unrepentant about it and KNOW that I’m a geek. I have no problem laughing at myself. That’s why I found this link listing Ten Things I Hate About Star Trek so damned funny…
In that same vein, I found this article about a mathemetician and philosopher who’s proved – mathematically – that we may actually be SIM–like denizens of some future human's computers. While it’s not so cool as being Neo and waking up in a vat of pink goo to a world darkened by a human/machine war – it’s still kind of chilling. I actually got goosebumps reading this and have been unable to stop thinking about it all morning.
This dumb chick OD’d on caffeine. This struck me as really, really fucking funny. We often joke that my brother Phil can drive drunk better than he can drive sober – but never, EVER let him have coffee. He doesn’t normally drink caffeine in any form, but the two or three times he has, he’s had accidents. It’s like the caffeine messes with his reflexes and hand eye coordination. Along the same lines, my other brother Aron actually had to go to the hospital when he was in Med School. He was popping No-Doz and had been up for like four days straight. He started to get irregular heart rhythm. That caffeine’s some hardcore shit – and I can’t personally live without it. Addiction’s a terrible thing, man…
Diamond Dave is back! Woot! I think I might go see this show. One of my dirty little secrets is that I love Van Halen. (Excuse me while I wax all Joe Dirt, “None of that Van Hagar shit! They weren’t no Van Halen with that Hagar dude!”). I actually saw David Lee Roth a couple years back. My sister had won tickets and Mrs. Zombie and I went with her and my brother-in-law. It was a small venue (of course!) and it was just pure fried cheese. Dave’s still running around in his spandex jump suit, still doing karate kicks and spinning the mike stand like he’s fighting off the forces of bad rock, and is still convinced that every girl there wants his old, wrinkled, bald ass. He still thinks it’s 1985 and he’s still the greatest rocker alive! What’s really funny is that our seats were off to the side a little bit and we could actually see behind the stage. What Dave’d do is he’d sing a song and then have his guitarist launch into a really, really long guitar solo. Dave, who’d been dancing and swirling like a Geriatric Ninja Turtle, would run back stage where an assistant would be waiting. Dave then would bend over, gasping for air as he downed a beer and smoked a cigarette until his pacemaker got his heart back into a regular rhythm. God – getting old sucks! I’ll still see this show though, and I may try to track down a mullet wig for it. Van Halen Rocks!
Check it out! I found a website for a local guy who’s into making movies and also checking out our local paranormal scene. It's called Creepy Cleveland. I was actually looking into some local haunted areas in preparation for some Halloween shenanigans. (And – it goes without saying – Halloween is Doctor Zombie’s favorite holiday!) when I ran into his site. I’ve added him to my blogroll. Check out his blog and also the site for his movie work. Maybe I can convince him to have a Doctor Zombie cameo in an upcoming project? Probably not, but even undead evil scientists can dream, can’t they?!? Interesting side note, his latest update is about the Franklin Castle. It’s a local haunted castle that’s actually owned by a friend of mine named Michelle. I went to college with her and my brother Richie dated her best friend, Becky, for a little bit. We actually had a great Halloween party there a few years back - before it was set afire by a crazy homeless guy. Very cool, very creepy!
And – finally – another celebrity blog. This time it’s Bear Grylls. I love his show Man vs. Wild, although, as an experienced outdoorsman with some survival training, I would never do half the stuff he does. In a survival situation, one shouldn’t take the chances he does. But, it’s good entertainment and he’s an extreme adventurer. And all this bullshit about his having faked some of the stuff on his shows? I’m really sort of “meh” about it. The guy is hard core and has proven that he’s hard core. He’s summitted Everest, he’s sailed across the Arctic Ocean, he broke his back doing a parachute jump while serving in the British SAS. The guy’s got the credibility. So he may have fudged a little bit in the best interest of entertainment. Who cares. He’s still a bad ass.
Now – back to my grilling of human flesh. Where’d I put that barbeque sauce?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Lissen Up, Ya Primitive Screwheads...
what OTHER B-movie Badass would Doctor Zombie be?!?!
Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sometimes, you're Curly...
...and all happy and "nyuk, nyuk, nyuk".
Other days you're like Moe and want to give the world an eye poke.
Today's a Moe day.
So I go to pull out my Harley last night to head over to my buddy Snake's chopper shop. I go to kick my shifter into first gear and - "snap!* - my whole shifter pops off. Turns out the shaft sheared inside the shifter lever. $39.99 to get a new gods-damned one and no riding the Harley until I get a new one. Which I can't frelling afford right now because I just spent about $400 switching the handlebars on the Harley over to frelling ape hangers.
Then, I go to leave for work this morning, and forget my lunch. I'm busy as hell as it is, so it's a colossal pain in my nuts to leave work, drive home, get my lunch, and come back within an hour. But I do it anyway and, don't you know, the Dogs of the Living Dead got into the kitchen, ravaged the wife's tupperware, and feasted upon MY lunch of Chicken Parmesan and salad. Stupid, fat ass dogs. Useless flea bags! Mangy mongrels!
On the way BACK into work, I run out of gas. While I'm there, at the side of the road, cursing my Jeep in the most uncivil and foul language I can use; a Willoughby Hills police officer stops by.
"Problem?" he asks.
"Ran out of gas." I mutter darkly.
"There's a gas station a half mile up Route 6. Make sure you push it to the side of the road." he says, as he pulls away.
"Thanks, fucker," I yell as he disappears into the distance.
So I manage to get the Jeep started up and chug it the half mile up Route 6, coasting into the gas station. As I'm filling it, the cop cames back by, giving me a thumbs up. I glare at him and give him my own thumbs up, but with a different finger.
To protect and serve my undead ass.
I wonder what else the dark, Pagan gods have in store for me today...
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Movie Review - The Descent (2005)
I’d heard good things about this movie from various sources, and had been meaning to see it for a while. So – a month or so ago, I finally got around to renting it.
All I can say is…wow!
This is a movie about a group of extremely athletic female friends who, once a year, get together to do an adventure vacation. The movie starts with them just finishing a rafting trip in Europe. As they leave, the protagonist Sarah (played by Shauna McDonald) gets into a car with her husband and daughter and, as they are driving up a winding mountain road have an accident with a truck. Sarah’s husband and young daughter are killed.
Fast forward to one year later and the girls have gotten together again. This time, one of the other characters, a woman named Juno (played by Natalie Mendoza), has arranged for the girls to go caving in North Carolina. Sarah is regretting coming, as she is still grieving, but has come because Juno has insisted. There is some underlying tension between Sarah and Juno (the reason why being revealed later), but it is largely because they were once so close. Compounding this, Sarah doesn’t so much care for these trips anymore, in her grief having realized that there are more important things. Juno senses this ambivalence and doesn’t quite understand it as she is still very much about adventuring.
So Sarah, Juno, and a group of 6 other girls head into a cave in the backwoods of North Carolina. Tension mounts as a cave-in seals the exit and the girls are forced to go deeper and deeper into the caverns in an attempt to find a way out. After the cave-in, it’s also revealed that Juno, in her continual strive to push things to the extreme, has taken them into an unexplored, unmapped cave. Essentially, they don’t know if there’s an exit – they only know that they are trapped. As if being trapped isn’t enough, they learn that they are definitely not alone in the cave.
They quickly discover that the caverns are inhabited by murderous, blind, mutated, human-like creatures with a taste for X-Games-type hotties.
This was a damn good movie. One of the best horror movies I’ve seen in a while that is pure horror. What works so well is the sense of claustrophobia that Director Neil Marshall maintains throughout the movie. Other movies have tried, but failed miserably, to give the sense of being trapped underground. The Cave, with Cole Hauser, comes to mind. Where The Cave failed, and The Descent excels – is in the tight, coffin-like feel of the passages coupled with the effective use of darkness. Where The Cave relies on beautiful, preternaturally lit grottoes and cavernous underground lakes… The Descent revels in constricting, breathtaking, what-the-fuck-is-that-outside-of-the-flashlight’s-range terror.
For instance, right before the cave-in, one of the characters get stuck in a crevasse and the terror she feels at being trapped under miles of rock is palpable. As a viewer, it is actually squirm inducing. I love when a movie can actually make me empathetically feel the horror of one of the characters. It was reminiscent, but somehow worse, then the buried alive scene from Kill Bill Vol. II.
And Neil Marshall is a great director. He’s responsible for one of my all time favorite werewolf movies, Dog Soldiers. There, as well as here, he manages to get under the viewers skin and dig out chunks of viscera with his unique vision.
The creatures themselves are scary and are good for some well placed and (gratefully) not cheap and gratuitous jump startles. The true hallmark of a good horror movie, and one of the things that Doctor Zombie loves to the depths of his cold, undead heart, is when a movie surprises me and gets my ticker going. A good jump startle should not be telegraphed. As a lover of all things horror, I’ve become inured to many horror movies. If you’ve seen enough of them, you can mentally say to yourself, “Fuck. Here comes the part where the cat jumps out of the closet. Sigh.”
God how I hate that.
This movie, however, doesn’t telegraph the terror and it’s this sort of true sinister filmmaking that so wooed me. There’s a scene where one of the women is looking through a night vision camcorder and we get our first introduction to the CHUDS. This scene, besides being filmed beautifully, actually made the Doctor startle and squeak. That was, of course, quickly followed by a giggle as I was so tickled by being scared. I’ve become numb to many horror flicks and being startled happens so seldom nowadays that it makes me giddy like a schoolgirl when it does happen.
What’s more, the ending is – quite possibly – one of the most beautifully haunting and horrifically memorable endings of a horror movie I’ve seen in quite some time.
At its heart, this movie is about a group of women trying to survive. I’d heard beforehand that it was a cool statement on “Girl Power” and this quite honestly sort of steered me away from it. I thought that it was going to be another unrealistic action flick where the characters rig up air tanks to make flamethrowers and use piton guns to fight off the evil monsters in some heroic, and cringe-worthy Uwe Boll showdown. This movie is – fortunately – so much more than that. In fact, it isn’t like that at all. It is a claustrophobic, deliciously chilling horror movie about a group of girls in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with no fucking way out. On top of that, each character is developed and Neil Marshall gives you a reason to care about their being eaten alive by pasty, inhuman, grotesque, cannibalistic monsters.
Final word? This movie is on the Doctor’s must own list and is highly recommended if you’re looking for a well crafted, emotional, smart horror film. Turn off the lights, cuddle up on the couch, and enjoy! It’s well worth the rental!
Doctor Zombie’s Rating: 5 out of 5 Chomped Brains!!!
Movie Review - Slither (2006)
Let me start off by saying that I absolutely loved this movie.
I wanted to get that out of the way beforehand as I want to make it clear how biased this movie review is going to be. Slither is,without a doubt, one of the best horror movies of 2006.
This movie has it all, friends. It’s got alien invasions. It’s got zombies. It’s got blood, gore, and a partially nude chick in a bath tub. During a crucial love scene, it’s got Air Supply. Air-fucking-Supply! How do you beat that?
The movie tells the story of a small town invaded by an alien one quiet, summer night. The main characters are Bill Pardy (played by Nathan Fillion), Elizabeth Grant (played by the very hot Elizabeth Banks), Grant Grant (played by the incomparable Michael Rooker), Kylie (by the equally hot Tania Saulnier),and an outstanding cast of supporting characters. Bill Pardy’s the sheriff of the small town who’s never quite got over losing the love of his life, Elizabeth, to local rich guy, Grant Grant. Grant, on the other hand, doesn’t realize how good he’s got it. He’s out in the woods, trying to get some extra-marital nookie with local girl Brenda (Brenda James) when he runs into a meteor and its deadly occupant.
Grant is infected by an alien who hops from planet to planet, conquering and eating every living thing on it before moving on to another planet. Cue the madness as Michael Rooker spends the majority of the film chewing up the scenery (and a big chunk of the small town) as he changes into a slimy, octopoid creature. He infects Brenda with his evil, alien seed and she balloons up as big as a house with the wriggling, wormlike progeny of the alien. These little slugs then attack the town, forcefully squishing their way into people's mouths - where they turn their hapless victims into shambling, murderous zombies.
Dear dark gods… can this movie rock anymore?!?
This film excels in so many ways it’s actually hard to pinpoint what makes it so great. The special effects were super. In a world where every gods damned movie you see is nothing but CGI, there was some refreshing mechanical and makeup creature effects. The CGI that there was, was well done and melded seamlessly with the action. The gore effects were a slice of fried gold, friends.
The true winner here, though, was the script. Writer and Director James Gunn showed true genius in crafting a script that, while faithful to the conventions of a horror movie, also maintained a razor-like balance of humor throughout. Gunn hails from a respectable horror heritage that includes work with the Troma company, as well as having written the Dawn of the Dead (2004) script, and you can tell that he loves horror like we all do. He’s a fan, and he’s living the dream. And Slither is, without a doubt, his greatest accomplishment to date.
The best scripts in the world are as only as good as the actors who bring it to life, though. Imagine, for instance, that George Lucas has passed on Sir Alec Guinness as Obi Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy. Say, instead, that he chose Jerry Lewis. Think about that for a minute and send me hate mail later for putting that image in your head. (“Glaa-Aa! I just felt a great disturbance in the Fo-Orce! Lay-ay-dy!”)
That said, I think Gunn made the perfect casting choice with Nathan Fillion. I have to admit that I’m a big fan of Nathan Fillion. He’s the reason I love Firefly and Serenity so much. (Well, him and the character Jane. You gotta love gorram Jane!). I’ve actually been a fan of all of the work I’ve seen him do. From Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place to his turn as the evil preacher in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And the thing that makes me like him so much is that he has a way of delivering a line that imbues levels of humor, believability, and Everyman-ness that appeals to me. And he’s found the perfect vehicle for this in the character of Bill Pardy.
(Over on Phronk’s site – I saw a news posting that Joss Whedon may consider a Serenity II if the special DVD of Serenity I does well at Christmas. Whether this is true - or a ploy to increase DVD sales via Browncoats{Firefly/Serenity fans} - I admit I’m a little giddy at the thought! I love Serenity!)
This movie, besides being a great gore fest, is a laugh riot and has some of the funniest lines ever committed to paper. And Nathan Fillion and Micheal Rooker both breathe so much life and humor into their characters. I’d be remiss in not mentioning another great character who comes close to stealing every scene he’s in. Greg Henry, who’s made a career out of playing slimy, weasel-y, dirt bags outdoes himself with his portrayal of Mayor Jack MacReady. He’s an unapologetic and selfish prick who could care less that his ambition and own self interest outweighs any altruism or sense of public service.
This movie, besides being fun to watch, also gives one the sense that it was a blast to make it. Every actor enjoys their parts and Gunn gave them license to let go and just enjoy the hell out of it.
So, in the final analysis, I’d say that – with no doubt – this is essential horror viewing dear readers. Zombies, aliens, various oozing and exploding body parts, humor, horror all commingled to make this – as I said before – one of the best horror films to come out in years. Go. Go now! Go rent the DVD and revel in the unabashed splatter fest that this movie is.
Doctor Zombie’s Rating: 5 out of 5 Chomped Brains!!!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
A Break From The Daily Grind...
...of inventing evil machines of death, torturing the innocent, eating human flesh, and creating undead minions in an attempt to take over the world.
That's right, dear reader. Everybody's favorite undead evil genius is taking a vacation. I'll be gone for the next week, enjoying the coolth of the Atlantic Ocean whilst burning my sensitive and pasty complexion in the brutal sun of Myrtle Beach SC.
Truth be told - I've needed a break for a while. I've been busting my ass and, although it's paid off (I was just this week permanently moved into the position I've been loaned out to at my day job. I'm writing for a living now AND they gave me a promotion. Woot!), I still need some time on a beach with Mrs. Zombie, Zombie Boy, and Wolf-girl.
Sooo. No computers. No evil oscillating death rays. Not even the cell phone. I am dropping off the face of the planet for the next week.
All right - I take that back. I will most likely bring my laptop, but only to work on my new novel. I won't log in at all. I promise you that!
So. For those readers from South Carolina. Be afraid. Be very afraid. The Doctor's coming to YOUR neighborhood, and I've got my bag of rusty and sharp instruments. If I were you, I wouldn't answer the door late at night for the next week or so. I might be there, standing in the flickering glow of your porch light with a predatory smile and an evil hunger...
That's right, dear reader. Everybody's favorite undead evil genius is taking a vacation. I'll be gone for the next week, enjoying the coolth of the Atlantic Ocean whilst burning my sensitive and pasty complexion in the brutal sun of Myrtle Beach SC.
Truth be told - I've needed a break for a while. I've been busting my ass and, although it's paid off (I was just this week permanently moved into the position I've been loaned out to at my day job. I'm writing for a living now AND they gave me a promotion. Woot!), I still need some time on a beach with Mrs. Zombie, Zombie Boy, and Wolf-girl.
Sooo. No computers. No evil oscillating death rays. Not even the cell phone. I am dropping off the face of the planet for the next week.
All right - I take that back. I will most likely bring my laptop, but only to work on my new novel. I won't log in at all. I promise you that!
So. For those readers from South Carolina. Be afraid. Be very afraid. The Doctor's coming to YOUR neighborhood, and I've got my bag of rusty and sharp instruments. If I were you, I wouldn't answer the door late at night for the next week or so. I might be there, standing in the flickering glow of your porch light with a predatory smile and an evil hunger...
Thursday, July 19, 2007
De doo doo doo, de da da da..
So much stuff rattling around in my undead head…
I can now die happy (erm…I mean die AGAIN)! I went to Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena on Monday and saw the Police Reunion Tour!!! All I can say was – “Fucking Awesome!!!” Mrs. Zombie went with me (largely because I made her go. I wanted to share with her the wonder that is The Police.) And, as she only knew about half of the songs, she has been making fun of me all week because I knew EVERY song.
Now - - all we need is for Sting, Andy, and Stewart to spend some time together on their private Lear Jet writing some new stuff. How unbelievably orgasmic would it be to have a new Police studio album for the first time in 20+ years? I’ve got goosebumps just thinking about it…
So, what else is going on with Doctor Zombie? Well – it’s weird that I seem to be reconnecting with EVERYBODY from my past. Seriously. In the last two or three weeks I’ve gotten in touch with or run into every one of my old college roommates. Three or so weeks ago, I stumbled on my old roommate Jason’s Livejournal account and we’ve started emailing. That’s the first serious communication we’ve had in probably 10 or more years. My close, close friend/brother Dr. Aron had to send me an email from his iPhone(and put that he did so IN THE EMAIL!) because… well, because he’s a dick. All right, he’s not REALLY a dick. He’s actually a great guy and I love him anyway…
Then, at the Police concert, I run into my two OTHER college roommates, Ber and Shelly. You may remember, back when I first mentioned the police were touring, I mentioned two twins who I grew up with. Well, Shelly was one of them. And Ber I met at Bowling Green. Because of the politics and social dynamics of my drama-loving group of friends, Shelly doesen’t particularly care for me much anymore. But, you know what? I don’t care. It was still great to see her and say, “Hi”. The truth of the matter is that her and her sister are two of my oldest friends in the world and I still care for them both a lot.
Ber and I keep reconnecting every couple of years, and then manage to fall out of contact again. It looks like she’s starting her own graphic design company in Chicago, so I figure I’ll try to be better about staying in touch. If she’ll have it. (Like Shelly, there’s history there that is quite drama filled. Meh. Whatever. I’m too old and surly to care about past greivances. All I know is I miss some of my old friends and it’s nice to see them. )
Got some links!
Neat science story explaining things that evolution left behind. If you’re a Fundie, or a Creationism-believing, Intelligent Design adherent (and/or a moron)…you may want to look away. This sort of irrefutable scientific proof tends to overload your poor simple, minds.
This article I found on Wired just seemed really, really cool. It’s about the phenomenon of mileage running. Not that I’d have the time, money, or fortitude to do something like this… but there is a certain appeal in the singleminded determination and will it takes to totally game the system like this. My brother Richie would be ALL over this! He’s always looking for some way to stick it to The Man with The Man’s own rules.
Squeal! Eek! Frelling Farscape! Thank you, oh great dark, science fiction gods! This is the single greatest piece of news I’ve seen in months (besides the whole Police thing. That’s hard to top.) But for chrissake’s! Fucking Farscape is coming back! Can I dare hope, nee dare, nee dream, that they’ll get the whole cast together and maybe do another movie or…eep!...maybe even bring the SHOW ITSELF BACK?!?!
Oooohhh! Edited to add this short movie that uses captures from GoogleEarth. This is so creative, so awesome, so deliciously dark and creepy! Dammit I'm jealous I didn't think of it first! Trust me, wait until the end. The pay off is horrific and chilling and gobs of morbid fun!
And on that note, I must retire to my laboratory hidden deep beneath the Theater of Terror. I have to feed some of my more nightmarish experimental subjects…
Now where did I put my shoggoth prod?
I can now die happy (erm…I mean die AGAIN)! I went to Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena on Monday and saw the Police Reunion Tour!!! All I can say was – “Fucking Awesome!!!” Mrs. Zombie went with me (largely because I made her go. I wanted to share with her the wonder that is The Police.) And, as she only knew about half of the songs, she has been making fun of me all week because I knew EVERY song.
Now - - all we need is for Sting, Andy, and Stewart to spend some time together on their private Lear Jet writing some new stuff. How unbelievably orgasmic would it be to have a new Police studio album for the first time in 20+ years? I’ve got goosebumps just thinking about it…
So, what else is going on with Doctor Zombie? Well – it’s weird that I seem to be reconnecting with EVERYBODY from my past. Seriously. In the last two or three weeks I’ve gotten in touch with or run into every one of my old college roommates. Three or so weeks ago, I stumbled on my old roommate Jason’s Livejournal account and we’ve started emailing. That’s the first serious communication we’ve had in probably 10 or more years. My close, close friend/brother Dr. Aron had to send me an email from his iPhone(and put that he did so IN THE EMAIL!) because… well, because he’s a dick. All right, he’s not REALLY a dick. He’s actually a great guy and I love him anyway…
Then, at the Police concert, I run into my two OTHER college roommates, Ber and Shelly. You may remember, back when I first mentioned the police were touring, I mentioned two twins who I grew up with. Well, Shelly was one of them. And Ber I met at Bowling Green. Because of the politics and social dynamics of my drama-loving group of friends, Shelly doesen’t particularly care for me much anymore. But, you know what? I don’t care. It was still great to see her and say, “Hi”. The truth of the matter is that her and her sister are two of my oldest friends in the world and I still care for them both a lot.
Ber and I keep reconnecting every couple of years, and then manage to fall out of contact again. It looks like she’s starting her own graphic design company in Chicago, so I figure I’ll try to be better about staying in touch. If she’ll have it. (Like Shelly, there’s history there that is quite drama filled. Meh. Whatever. I’m too old and surly to care about past greivances. All I know is I miss some of my old friends and it’s nice to see them. )
Got some links!
Neat science story explaining things that evolution left behind. If you’re a Fundie, or a Creationism-believing, Intelligent Design adherent (and/or a moron)…you may want to look away. This sort of irrefutable scientific proof tends to overload your poor simple, minds.
This article I found on Wired just seemed really, really cool. It’s about the phenomenon of mileage running. Not that I’d have the time, money, or fortitude to do something like this… but there is a certain appeal in the singleminded determination and will it takes to totally game the system like this. My brother Richie would be ALL over this! He’s always looking for some way to stick it to The Man with The Man’s own rules.
Squeal! Eek! Frelling Farscape! Thank you, oh great dark, science fiction gods! This is the single greatest piece of news I’ve seen in months (besides the whole Police thing. That’s hard to top.) But for chrissake’s! Fucking Farscape is coming back! Can I dare hope, nee dare, nee dream, that they’ll get the whole cast together and maybe do another movie or…eep!...maybe even bring the SHOW ITSELF BACK?!?!
Oooohhh! Edited to add this short movie that uses captures from GoogleEarth. This is so creative, so awesome, so deliciously dark and creepy! Dammit I'm jealous I didn't think of it first! Trust me, wait until the end. The pay off is horrific and chilling and gobs of morbid fun!
And on that note, I must retire to my laboratory hidden deep beneath the Theater of Terror. I have to feed some of my more nightmarish experimental subjects…
Now where did I put my shoggoth prod?
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Vox Deus
Feast your eyes upon the baddest man on the planet!!!!!
I could only hope to be this cool...
In fact, this is so cool on so many fucking levels it's mind-boggling. It's so damned cool I had to go out and buy me some Old Spice.
Now Mrs. Zombie, she was against it. She gave me some crap about how her Dad wears Old Spice. She said something like, "Don't you even think about wearing Old Spice to our bed! Do you want to scar me for fucking life?!? Do you NEVER want to have sex with me again?!?"
Whatever.
Dammit! It's a simple equation: Bruce Campbell says "Ahoy!" and "Buy some Old Spice!". So what's a guy to do? Is it right to deny the commands of one's god?
So, I ran out this last weekend to the local Target and picked me up some Old Spice Signature. That's right - you read that right - Old Spice Signature. I splurged and bought the high test, premium Old Spice. Instead of $4, I paid $6 for the top of the line cologne por homme.
So I went out to the car, hosed myself down just like I imagine Bruce would have, and hurried home, my loins a-twitter and itching for some action.
"Don't give me any of your guff!" says I to Mrs. Zombie, "Get your hot, sexy butt upstairs woman! I'm wrapped in the musk of some Old Spice and I'm feeling all...Rrrrooowwwr!"
It didn't work as well as I thought it would. In fact, and in all honesty, Mrs. Zombie beat me unconscious. But I swear I'm going to try again this weekend. If some Old Spice can make me anywhere as cool as Bruce "Evil Dead" Campbell, I'm sure it'll work out for me and my little zombie...
Hungry like the wolf, Bruce. Hungry like the wolf, indeed...
I could only hope to be this cool...
In fact, this is so cool on so many fucking levels it's mind-boggling. It's so damned cool I had to go out and buy me some Old Spice.
Now Mrs. Zombie, she was against it. She gave me some crap about how her Dad wears Old Spice. She said something like, "Don't you even think about wearing Old Spice to our bed! Do you want to scar me for fucking life?!? Do you NEVER want to have sex with me again?!?"
Whatever.
Dammit! It's a simple equation: Bruce Campbell says "Ahoy!" and "Buy some Old Spice!". So what's a guy to do? Is it right to deny the commands of one's god?
So, I ran out this last weekend to the local Target and picked me up some Old Spice Signature. That's right - you read that right - Old Spice Signature. I splurged and bought the high test, premium Old Spice. Instead of $4, I paid $6 for the top of the line cologne por homme.
So I went out to the car, hosed myself down just like I imagine Bruce would have, and hurried home, my loins a-twitter and itching for some action.
"Don't give me any of your guff!" says I to Mrs. Zombie, "Get your hot, sexy butt upstairs woman! I'm wrapped in the musk of some Old Spice and I'm feeling all...Rrrrooowwwr!"
It didn't work as well as I thought it would. In fact, and in all honesty, Mrs. Zombie beat me unconscious. But I swear I'm going to try again this weekend. If some Old Spice can make me anywhere as cool as Bruce "Evil Dead" Campbell, I'm sure it'll work out for me and my little zombie...
Hungry like the wolf, Bruce. Hungry like the wolf, indeed...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Drinking Tips
I don’t really drink much anymore. Of course, I do have a few beers every few weekends, or when I go out to dinner. I also have a few beers and some whiskey every time I go to my Dad’s (we’re Irish, so that means you HAVE to drink. If you’re Irish, you’re genetically predisposed to early cirrhosis.)
Part of the reason I don’t drink is because I had some issues with my liver. If you remember, I had to suffer the extreme suckfest that was a liver biopsy a year or so ago. Although they found that my liver function was just naturally high, Mrs. Zombie still keeps a tight grip on my balls when it comes to the drinking. Too much beer - and squeeze from Mrs. Zombie. Too much Guinness at me Da’s - and squeeze and twist by Mrs. Zombie.
Mrs. Zombie feels very strongly about the benefits of negative reinforcement.
Another barrier to the drinking for me is Ohio’s drunk driving laws. We have this program where, if you get busted driving under the influence, they have an ingenious way to ensure that you are properly punished. In addition to the usual penalties (suspension of license, weekend in jail, name printed in the paper, etc.) here in Ohio, they give you special plates for a time period established by the presiding judge. These plates, which are bright yellow with bright red lettering, proclaim to the whole world that you are a dumbass who chose to foolishly drive drunk. It’s very Nathanial Hawthorne, Hester Prynne, and the Scarlet Letter. And I know people who’ve had what we here in Ohio affectionately call “Party Plates.” People will seriously pull up next to you at lights and point and laugh and call you an asshole. Never mind that, by virtue of having the highly visible plates, any law enforcement officer can pull you over – at any time – to make sure you’re not drunk driving. I know a guy who gets stopped at least once a day. Can you say Probable Cause, baby?!?
Fuck a bunch of that noise.
So what got me thinking about this? Well, my brothers Phil and Richie an I are finally at a point – family-wise - where we can actually get together a little more often. I’ve actually started working days and I’m actively trying to get them join a dart league or something. One can’t let happy hours go to waste, can one?!?
Also, we’re planning on getting some season tickets to or newest minor league hockey team – The Lake Erie Monsters, so we’ll be frequently downtown, drinking Guinness and Labatt’s by the kegful. Noice!
The sad thing is, the three of us were once a formidable force. Unfortunately, our powers have waned some. That doesn’t mean we aren’t above a little binge drinking – what’s a severely damaged liver between friends? – it’s just that I have a bad feeling about this.
So – in honor of my coming debauchery – I thought I’d share some things I’ve learned while drinking over the years. These are rules I live by, guidelines I occasionally follow, and idiotic things that I probably should have learned from but obviously didn’t:
Hmmm… I think I’ll have a few beers tonight…
Part of the reason I don’t drink is because I had some issues with my liver. If you remember, I had to suffer the extreme suckfest that was a liver biopsy a year or so ago. Although they found that my liver function was just naturally high, Mrs. Zombie still keeps a tight grip on my balls when it comes to the drinking. Too much beer - and squeeze from Mrs. Zombie. Too much Guinness at me Da’s - and squeeze and twist by Mrs. Zombie.
Mrs. Zombie feels very strongly about the benefits of negative reinforcement.
Another barrier to the drinking for me is Ohio’s drunk driving laws. We have this program where, if you get busted driving under the influence, they have an ingenious way to ensure that you are properly punished. In addition to the usual penalties (suspension of license, weekend in jail, name printed in the paper, etc.) here in Ohio, they give you special plates for a time period established by the presiding judge. These plates, which are bright yellow with bright red lettering, proclaim to the whole world that you are a dumbass who chose to foolishly drive drunk. It’s very Nathanial Hawthorne, Hester Prynne, and the Scarlet Letter. And I know people who’ve had what we here in Ohio affectionately call “Party Plates.” People will seriously pull up next to you at lights and point and laugh and call you an asshole. Never mind that, by virtue of having the highly visible plates, any law enforcement officer can pull you over – at any time – to make sure you’re not drunk driving. I know a guy who gets stopped at least once a day. Can you say Probable Cause, baby?!?
Fuck a bunch of that noise.
So what got me thinking about this? Well, my brothers Phil and Richie an I are finally at a point – family-wise - where we can actually get together a little more often. I’ve actually started working days and I’m actively trying to get them join a dart league or something. One can’t let happy hours go to waste, can one?!?
Also, we’re planning on getting some season tickets to or newest minor league hockey team – The Lake Erie Monsters, so we’ll be frequently downtown, drinking Guinness and Labatt’s by the kegful. Noice!
The sad thing is, the three of us were once a formidable force. Unfortunately, our powers have waned some. That doesn’t mean we aren’t above a little binge drinking – what’s a severely damaged liver between friends? – it’s just that I have a bad feeling about this.
So – in honor of my coming debauchery – I thought I’d share some things I’ve learned while drinking over the years. These are rules I live by, guidelines I occasionally follow, and idiotic things that I probably should have learned from but obviously didn’t:
My brother Richie sets the bar for drinking. If Richie says, at any point, “I’ve drank so much I can’t see!” – everybody needs to stop drinking. If it’s gotten to this point, someone else is most likely going to the hospital to get their stomach pumped to avoid alcohol poisoning.
Tequila – for some odd reason – makes me think that the world wants to see me naked. This is most likely attributed to the fact that I was introduced to tequila in college at a party in Chicago. The fact that I split a bottle with a gorgeous actress named Carol doing body shots may have something to do with the nakedness thing. So… no tequila. Ever. Especially when at work functions or with people I don’t want to see me naked.
No matter how hot the bartender is, no matter how long you’ve known her, don’t ever let her make drinks up for you, because, quite honestly, vomit is never funny. Especially vomit in a friend’s car. Especially if they don’t drink. I’m still soooo sorry about that Jay-Jay…
Jagermeister is bad. Ouzo is really, really bad. *Gag*.
Everclear, when done as a straight shot, will burn your throat and leave you hoarse for days.
You can say all you want about tequila worms. You can even say you’ll never, ever eat the worm. That’s all well and good until you’re halfway into a bottle of Jose Cuervo. At that point, you’ll eat live earth worms from the front yard. No one knows why this is.
Despite popular myth… Guinness, like revenge, is best served cold.
Turning a shot glass upside down, filling the depression with vodka, and then snorting it like cocaine will guarantee a bloody nose, as well as a blackout later that evening.
Never let our buddy Matt drink an entire bottle of Glen Fiddich Scotch in the time it takes one to go to the bathroom. This will ensure that, at some point, you’ll need to talk to the cops and explain why Matt is running around with a pair of boxer shorts around his head, screaming that I – Doctor Z. – am the Antichrist and the Dark One. He will then try to destroy me with drunken kung fu. This will lead – inexplicably – to both of us getting tazered, beat with nightsticks, and thrown into the back of a cruiser. I still don’t know what I did to deserve this…
Great Lakes Brewery has the best beer. Especially their seasonal Halloween brew – Nosferatu. Mmmmm…
If, after drinking a galaxy of Guinness at the local pub’s Two-For-One night, it will never, ever please Mrs. Zombie to have my brothers screech up to the house and kick my unconscious body out of the car into a snow drift on the tree lawn. It will make her even more mad if, after she wakes you from said snow pile, you start singing Irish drinking songs loud enough to wake the neighbors.
And my final piece of drinking wisdom, the one thing that is probably the most important thing I’ve learned in my years of alcohol abuse, is this: With the exception of Guinness, never drink draft beer. I’m not as young as I used to be, and I can’t drink like I used to. Whereas I might have blithely killed a keg back in college, a night of heavy drinking at this point in my life warrants an inordinately large recovery time. Drinking draft beer will ensure a headache and the dreaded Swamp Ass. (That’s where you spend the whole next day with the shits and your ass is…well, swamp-like. You know what I mean, right? It’s like a swamp in that it is hot and wet all day. ) So stick to bottles!
Hmmm… I think I’ll have a few beers tonight…
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
October Dreams...
So I’ve a huge decision to make. I’ve been given permission by Mrs. Zombie to tentatively attend Zombiefest in October. Zombiefest is a zombie themed horror convention in the home of zombies – Pittsburgh. In fact, it’s actually taking place at the world famous Monroeville Mall. For those who don’t know what that is (and you should be ashamed if you don’t, my lovely undead minions!), it’s the mall where the great George Romero filmed the zombie classic Dawn of the Dead. George, as you should all know, is from Pittsburgh and it’s in the Pittsburgh area that he filmed all three of the Holy Trinity of zombie films; Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead.
On the list of can’t miss events are a Zombie Fest and Art Show, a Zombie Ball (zombie makeup and formal funeral wear optional) and an attempt to break the guinness Book of World Records record for the largest zombie walk ever.
Dear, dark pagan gods - - it’s going to fucking rock!!!
I’m almost thinking of making a weekend of it. Perhaps doing a zombie pilgrimage. I’ll go to the events at the Monroeville Mall, take a little jaunt over to the Evansville Cemetary (where Johnny famously said, “They’re coming to get you, Barbara! They’re coming!”), and maybe even a quick trip up to the former Wampum Mine (AKA the Gateway Commerce Center) where they filmed Day.
Pittsburgh is truly like Mecca to zombie flick fans. (Despite its horrifyingly bad football team and inbred, retarded football fans. One could almost say it’s an amazing mix of the truly sublime and grotesque!)
So – I’m excited about a weekend of zombies, Yuengling lager, and perhaps even meeting some of those wacky denizens from Zombie Squad. (They’ll have a table there. It’ll be cool to finally meet some of those crazy cats.)
So, you may be asking, what the fuck is the problem? Why are you bitching and moaning and complaining about having to make a decision? Well, dear reader, that’s the rub.
You see, in November I generally go on two major hunting trips. The first is at Veteran’s Day during the peak of the Ohio whitetail rut for bow hunting. The second is the weekend after Thanksgiving for the Ohio deer shotgun season. Considering that Zombiefest is the weekend before Halloween, Mrs. Zombie has put down her foot. (And it’s an odd foot. Mrs. Zombie is gorgeous and very pleasing to Dr. Zombie’s undead eye, but her feet leave something to be desired. She has strange mutant-like feet. They’re like Fred Flintstone’s feet. She sticks them out of the bottom of the car and starts it with her oddly shaped feet every morning. I love Mrs. Zombie…but I fear her feet. But I digress…)
Anyway, she’s put down her funky foot and said that, yes, I can attend Zombiefest - - but I need to give up a hunting trip. That, my dear readers, sucks. It sucks bad.
What’s an undead, evil scientist to do?
Sigh. Decisions, decisions.
I do know that I will be attending Zombiefest, so I suppose I’ll need to figure out the whole hunting thing at another time. That said… I wanted to extend an invitation to anybody who wants to join me at Zombiefest. I know a lot of my friends read this frequently as a means of keeping tabs on what I’m up to - -so I wanted to encourage all of you to email or call me. I want to invite you all to join me on the hajj to Zombieland USA.
We’ll camp somewhere near Pittsburgh, attend Zombiefest, and cause general mayhem and public disorder.
And for those who are saying, “Great! D’s going on and on about the zombies again. Sheesh!” I promise it’ll be fun. Really!
So check out the link, mark it on your calender, and consider it!
You won’t regret it!
Now go, I must feed and I don’t want to offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities. Eating human flesh is, apparently, off putting to some.
Whatever…
On the list of can’t miss events are a Zombie Fest and Art Show, a Zombie Ball (zombie makeup and formal funeral wear optional) and an attempt to break the guinness Book of World Records record for the largest zombie walk ever.
Dear, dark pagan gods - - it’s going to fucking rock!!!
I’m almost thinking of making a weekend of it. Perhaps doing a zombie pilgrimage. I’ll go to the events at the Monroeville Mall, take a little jaunt over to the Evansville Cemetary (where Johnny famously said, “They’re coming to get you, Barbara! They’re coming!”), and maybe even a quick trip up to the former Wampum Mine (AKA the Gateway Commerce Center) where they filmed Day.
Pittsburgh is truly like Mecca to zombie flick fans. (Despite its horrifyingly bad football team and inbred, retarded football fans. One could almost say it’s an amazing mix of the truly sublime and grotesque!)
So – I’m excited about a weekend of zombies, Yuengling lager, and perhaps even meeting some of those wacky denizens from Zombie Squad. (They’ll have a table there. It’ll be cool to finally meet some of those crazy cats.)
So, you may be asking, what the fuck is the problem? Why are you bitching and moaning and complaining about having to make a decision? Well, dear reader, that’s the rub.
You see, in November I generally go on two major hunting trips. The first is at Veteran’s Day during the peak of the Ohio whitetail rut for bow hunting. The second is the weekend after Thanksgiving for the Ohio deer shotgun season. Considering that Zombiefest is the weekend before Halloween, Mrs. Zombie has put down her foot. (And it’s an odd foot. Mrs. Zombie is gorgeous and very pleasing to Dr. Zombie’s undead eye, but her feet leave something to be desired. She has strange mutant-like feet. They’re like Fred Flintstone’s feet. She sticks them out of the bottom of the car and starts it with her oddly shaped feet every morning. I love Mrs. Zombie…but I fear her feet. But I digress…)
Anyway, she’s put down her funky foot and said that, yes, I can attend Zombiefest - - but I need to give up a hunting trip. That, my dear readers, sucks. It sucks bad.
What’s an undead, evil scientist to do?
Sigh. Decisions, decisions.
I do know that I will be attending Zombiefest, so I suppose I’ll need to figure out the whole hunting thing at another time. That said… I wanted to extend an invitation to anybody who wants to join me at Zombiefest. I know a lot of my friends read this frequently as a means of keeping tabs on what I’m up to - -so I wanted to encourage all of you to email or call me. I want to invite you all to join me on the hajj to Zombieland USA.
We’ll camp somewhere near Pittsburgh, attend Zombiefest, and cause general mayhem and public disorder.
And for those who are saying, “Great! D’s going on and on about the zombies again. Sheesh!” I promise it’ll be fun. Really!
So check out the link, mark it on your calender, and consider it!
You won’t regret it!
Now go, I must feed and I don’t want to offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities. Eating human flesh is, apparently, off putting to some.
Whatever…
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Religious Freedom?
Serious post today. I'm working on an article and sort of fleshing out ideas here. There may be some incoherentness, but I wanted to get some initial thoughts down. Sorry about that. I'll get back to posting fart jokes sometime soon. I promise...
So – religion. Or, more specifically, fundamentalism and cults.
I’ve railed before about the evil creature that lurks behind the cold, dead, blue eyes of Tom Cruise. He’s a hollowed out golem for the evil that is Scientology and, poor Katie Holmes has been sucked in by his toothy smile and preternatural good looks. When all is said and done, the good, beautiful, Catholic girl from Toledo has given birth to the savior-like spawn of all of the Scientology whackos.
Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, Leah Remini, and Isaac Hayes all believe in this “religion”. A religion that, quite truthfully, could very well have been thought up by Hubbard on a night of too much drinking with Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and Phillip K. Dick. (Heinlein actually took a passing swipe at the absurdity of Scientology in Job: A Comedy of Justice. He referred to Scientologists as “those nutty ElRonners”)
What concerns me most about cults like this is their willingness to trample on people’s rights and do blatantly illegal things to censor those who would speak out against them. A simple google search will undoubtedly show you the lengths Scientology will go to in order to completely crush those who would speak bad of their "religion".
So why am I mentioning this? Well, it’s because I found this article while doing some random searching on presidential candidates. Specifically, I was looking a little more closely at Mitt Romney.
Now – I have some insight into Mormonism. You see, I live within a mile of, and have lived that close most of my life, to Kirtland Ohio. Kirtland was the first stop for the Mormons after they were thrown out of New York. After getting thrown out of Kirtland (they did things like make their own money and force non-Mormon businesses and farmers out of Kirtland. Joseph Smith was also tarred and feathered when he started chasing after local underage girls) the LDS moved on to Missouri (where they actually did WORSE stuff) and finally on to Utah.
Despite most of the Saints moving to the new Zion of Utah, many stayed behind and still live and thrive here. So at least once a week I get a knock on the door from some clean cut, young Republican looking, man or woman looking to ask me if I’ve read the book of Mormon. So I’ve kind of grown up around the LDS – although I never ever considered it a viable belief system.
The problem as I see it is two fold. The first is the idea of a Mormon Mafia that is intent on squelching anyone who would speak out against them. The previously mentioned article is an example of this. This reeks of the same tactics that the Scientologists employ, and, truthfully, with all the money that the Mormons have (ALL members are expected to tithe, without question, 10-15% of all their earnings.) they have a lot of political and economic clout to silence anyone who would rouse some rabble about them. The second part – and the part that Romney needs to overcome – is the growing Fundamentalist LDS movement. Specifically polygamy. (It sure don’t help that his father was part of a Mexican polygamy group. Whoops!)
Anyway - The reformist or fundie LDS groups are pushing for a return to polygamy and they are making some headway – especially since they have a visible candidate running for president.
The thing is – Fundamentalist LDS sects bring a whole lot of other shit with them – besides the polygamy thing. Which, by the way, I’m ambivalent about. If a dude can handle more than one wife, kudos to him. I can barely handle the ONE I’ve got! On the other hand, the dark side to modern day polygamy is the mysogonistic, male dominated, subjugation of girls who should be shopping for their first training bras. The sad, twisted, fucked up reality is that 12 and 13 year old girls are being married off to middle aged and older men who are raping them and forcing them to bear babies. The Taliban does that kind of shit. It’s not right there, and it’s definitely not right here.
I feel strongly about fundamentalist LDS because I have some personal experience with one of these groups.
You see – when I was in high school, I worked at the local mall in the paint section of Sears. It was a good job for a high schooler. One of the people I worked with was a man named Dennis Avery. He was a bit odd – sort of a quiet Walter Mitty-esque man who bore more than a passing resemblance to Don Knotts in his Mr. Limpett role. Anyway, Dennis was a nice guy who struggled in the job and myself and another clerk named Brian watched out for him. What was odd was that, while he worked, his three daughters; Trina, Becky, and Karen would wander the mall, occasionally checking in with their dad. Apparently, they had no sitter while Dennis and his wife worked separate jobs.
They were all beautiful little girls; aged 15,13, and 7 respectively.
Myself and the other clerks took to giving them money and buying the girls food on our breaks. We also occasionally looked out for them for Dennis.
Unknown to all of us, the Avery’s were members of a splinter group of Mormons known as the Reformed Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In April of 1989, the leader of the group led Dennis, his wife Cheryl, and those three little girls into a barn in Kirtland. All five of them were bound with duct tape, thrown into a pre-dug pit, and shot – one by one – with a Colt Commander 1911 .45 caliber pistol.
Their crime? Questioning the authority of Jeffrey Lundgren – the leader of their group about things like polygamy and the other crazy shit that is part of LDS dogma.
Religion can be a terrible thing.
For more information on Mormonism and the genesis of what’s been called the “quintessential American religious movement”, I can’t recommend Jon Krakauer’s Under The Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith highly enough. It's an EXCELLENT book on the entire fundamentalist mormon movement. While unrelated to the Lundgren Murders, it gives a great synopsis of the entire history of the LDS and Fundamental Mormonism.
And for a better account of the murder of Dennis and his family, see this website.
The Avery family. ( Counter clockwise from left: Trina (aged 15), Cheryl, Dennis, Becky (13), and Karen (7)
So – religion. Or, more specifically, fundamentalism and cults.
I’ve railed before about the evil creature that lurks behind the cold, dead, blue eyes of Tom Cruise. He’s a hollowed out golem for the evil that is Scientology and, poor Katie Holmes has been sucked in by his toothy smile and preternatural good looks. When all is said and done, the good, beautiful, Catholic girl from Toledo has given birth to the savior-like spawn of all of the Scientology whackos.
Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Jenna Elfman, Leah Remini, and Isaac Hayes all believe in this “religion”. A religion that, quite truthfully, could very well have been thought up by Hubbard on a night of too much drinking with Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and Phillip K. Dick. (Heinlein actually took a passing swipe at the absurdity of Scientology in Job: A Comedy of Justice. He referred to Scientologists as “those nutty ElRonners”)
What concerns me most about cults like this is their willingness to trample on people’s rights and do blatantly illegal things to censor those who would speak out against them. A simple google search will undoubtedly show you the lengths Scientology will go to in order to completely crush those who would speak bad of their "religion".
So why am I mentioning this? Well, it’s because I found this article while doing some random searching on presidential candidates. Specifically, I was looking a little more closely at Mitt Romney.
Now – I have some insight into Mormonism. You see, I live within a mile of, and have lived that close most of my life, to Kirtland Ohio. Kirtland was the first stop for the Mormons after they were thrown out of New York. After getting thrown out of Kirtland (they did things like make their own money and force non-Mormon businesses and farmers out of Kirtland. Joseph Smith was also tarred and feathered when he started chasing after local underage girls) the LDS moved on to Missouri (where they actually did WORSE stuff) and finally on to Utah.
Despite most of the Saints moving to the new Zion of Utah, many stayed behind and still live and thrive here. So at least once a week I get a knock on the door from some clean cut, young Republican looking, man or woman looking to ask me if I’ve read the book of Mormon. So I’ve kind of grown up around the LDS – although I never ever considered it a viable belief system.
The problem as I see it is two fold. The first is the idea of a Mormon Mafia that is intent on squelching anyone who would speak out against them. The previously mentioned article is an example of this. This reeks of the same tactics that the Scientologists employ, and, truthfully, with all the money that the Mormons have (ALL members are expected to tithe, without question, 10-15% of all their earnings.) they have a lot of political and economic clout to silence anyone who would rouse some rabble about them. The second part – and the part that Romney needs to overcome – is the growing Fundamentalist LDS movement. Specifically polygamy. (It sure don’t help that his father was part of a Mexican polygamy group. Whoops!)
Anyway - The reformist or fundie LDS groups are pushing for a return to polygamy and they are making some headway – especially since they have a visible candidate running for president.
The thing is – Fundamentalist LDS sects bring a whole lot of other shit with them – besides the polygamy thing. Which, by the way, I’m ambivalent about. If a dude can handle more than one wife, kudos to him. I can barely handle the ONE I’ve got! On the other hand, the dark side to modern day polygamy is the mysogonistic, male dominated, subjugation of girls who should be shopping for their first training bras. The sad, twisted, fucked up reality is that 12 and 13 year old girls are being married off to middle aged and older men who are raping them and forcing them to bear babies. The Taliban does that kind of shit. It’s not right there, and it’s definitely not right here.
I feel strongly about fundamentalist LDS because I have some personal experience with one of these groups.
You see – when I was in high school, I worked at the local mall in the paint section of Sears. It was a good job for a high schooler. One of the people I worked with was a man named Dennis Avery. He was a bit odd – sort of a quiet Walter Mitty-esque man who bore more than a passing resemblance to Don Knotts in his Mr. Limpett role. Anyway, Dennis was a nice guy who struggled in the job and myself and another clerk named Brian watched out for him. What was odd was that, while he worked, his three daughters; Trina, Becky, and Karen would wander the mall, occasionally checking in with their dad. Apparently, they had no sitter while Dennis and his wife worked separate jobs.
They were all beautiful little girls; aged 15,13, and 7 respectively.
Myself and the other clerks took to giving them money and buying the girls food on our breaks. We also occasionally looked out for them for Dennis.
Unknown to all of us, the Avery’s were members of a splinter group of Mormons known as the Reformed Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In April of 1989, the leader of the group led Dennis, his wife Cheryl, and those three little girls into a barn in Kirtland. All five of them were bound with duct tape, thrown into a pre-dug pit, and shot – one by one – with a Colt Commander 1911 .45 caliber pistol.
Their crime? Questioning the authority of Jeffrey Lundgren – the leader of their group about things like polygamy and the other crazy shit that is part of LDS dogma.
Religion can be a terrible thing.
For more information on Mormonism and the genesis of what’s been called the “quintessential American religious movement”, I can’t recommend Jon Krakauer’s Under The Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith highly enough. It's an EXCELLENT book on the entire fundamentalist mormon movement. While unrelated to the Lundgren Murders, it gives a great synopsis of the entire history of the LDS and Fundamental Mormonism.
And for a better account of the murder of Dennis and his family, see this website.
The Avery family. ( Counter clockwise from left: Trina (aged 15), Cheryl, Dennis, Becky (13), and Karen (7)
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Anal Probes For All!
I wanted to update and throw up some more links that I’ve found lately.
I’m also sorry about the lack of updating lately, but my new job has kept me really, really busy. That and anytime I’m feeling creative, I find myself working on my newest novel. So sorry. I’ll try to update more.
Now bite me.
My first batch of links have to do with extraterrestrial stuff. While looking at these, it’s important to let you know where I stand on the whole “life on other planets” argument. For my part, I believe in the possibility of extraterrestrial life – despite the inherent unlikeliness of it. Insofar as the Fermi Paradox, the Drake Equation, and the Rare Earth Hypothesis contradict the likelihood of alien life – I’m still a diehard sci-fi, Star Trek, Star Wars loving geek. Fermi’s Paradox says that the size and age of the universe suggest that many technologically advanced extraterrestrial civilizations ought to exist. However, this hypothesis seems inconsistent with the lack of observational evidence to support it. That being said, I hold out the hope that there are others out there.
Which brings us to the second part of the equation – are they good or bad?
To answer that, I need to place a condition on my first answer. I absolutely do not – under any circumstances – believe all of those redneck, white trash morons who believe they’ve been serially abducted, or “probed” by wandering greys. How fucking self-important do you have to be to think that an technologically advanced alien explorer has crossed the endless vacuum of light of years of space to stick a probe into your whale eye? Do they really think that the aliens care about the south end of our digestive tracts? And the whole alien-human hybrid thing too. Believe me, they don’t want to mate with us. I’ve got a sinking feeling that – with all the infinite variety of possible intelligent life out there – we earthlings probably have a lock on the deviant sexuality. Sex with aliens is just a reflections of our own degeneracy. Not that I’m saying there isn’t anything wrong with internet porn, plushy conventions, midget sex, S&M, or a good old fashioned boinking – it’s just that I’m certain they’re not interested in our naughty bits.
So the whole good and bad argument should be predicated on the aliens not wanting to peg us in our fudge makers. If they are bad – which I suspect they would be – they want us for some other nefarious reason. Like in Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, or M. Night Shymalan’s Signs. I do believe they could look at us as just primitive, dumb animals to be dissected or used as livestock. But is that evil? Amoral? Or the luxury of being an apex predator with bigger brains than we hairless monkeys? I don’t know.
So – what does that have to do with today’s posting? Well – to get back on track...
The aliens are here! They’re coming! Watch the skies! And they’ve been spotted by different people!!! So – has the invasion begun?!? I should say that I found another article on the internet where someone suggested that these pictures might be part of a guerilla/viral internet marketing campaign for the new Transformers movie. I don’t know though. Pretty compelling pictures, huh? I am not going to be happy if I have to put my plans for single-handed world domination on the back burner to fend off an alien invasion. I’ve got deadlines to meet, people to kill, and contractors who need to get paid for chrissakes!
I found this article also which is a lot less tin foil hat and a lot more real science – an earthlike planet has been discovered. This is exciting on all kinds of levels. You know – it’s funny that it’s possible that an advanced alien civilization could possibly be detected by the SETI project, but we don’t have the resources to listen to a fraction of the universe out there. This discovery is cool in that it gives us something to point the radio towers at. Now if we can just figure out warp drives, we can zip out to take a look see. Where’s Zephram Cochran when you need him?!?
And now for something a little more earthly – this made me laugh so I hard I had a little bit of pee squirt out… I love a good prank. Remind me to tell you about The Great MetroPark Massacre sometime…
Ever have an asshole for a roommate? Ever have someone leave little notes about not cooking fish in the microwave in your office kitchenette? Ever want to punch them in their throats because of their snarky, passive aggressiveness? This is my new favorite site…
And now it’s time for today’s chilling story about President Bush’s campaign to make us the biggest asshats in the free world. If you didn’t see this coming, you’re either a Republican apologist, a naïve moron, or suffering from severe mental retardation. Now let me add that Ahmadinejad’s a dumbass who’s asking to get his nutsack kicked; him and that Castro-wannabe Hugo Chavez. I get that. But can’t we fix the shitstorm we started in Afghanistan and Iraq (where we shouldn’t have been in the first fucking place!) before we go looking for the next contender?!? God, can somebody please take away George W.’s cowboy boots , cowboy hat, and cap gun before he hurts himself or somebody else’s kid?!?
Now scram! I’ve got to fend off an alien invasion!
I’m also sorry about the lack of updating lately, but my new job has kept me really, really busy. That and anytime I’m feeling creative, I find myself working on my newest novel. So sorry. I’ll try to update more.
Now bite me.
My first batch of links have to do with extraterrestrial stuff. While looking at these, it’s important to let you know where I stand on the whole “life on other planets” argument. For my part, I believe in the possibility of extraterrestrial life – despite the inherent unlikeliness of it. Insofar as the Fermi Paradox, the Drake Equation, and the Rare Earth Hypothesis contradict the likelihood of alien life – I’m still a diehard sci-fi, Star Trek, Star Wars loving geek. Fermi’s Paradox says that the size and age of the universe suggest that many technologically advanced extraterrestrial civilizations ought to exist. However, this hypothesis seems inconsistent with the lack of observational evidence to support it. That being said, I hold out the hope that there are others out there.
Which brings us to the second part of the equation – are they good or bad?
To answer that, I need to place a condition on my first answer. I absolutely do not – under any circumstances – believe all of those redneck, white trash morons who believe they’ve been serially abducted, or “probed” by wandering greys. How fucking self-important do you have to be to think that an technologically advanced alien explorer has crossed the endless vacuum of light of years of space to stick a probe into your whale eye? Do they really think that the aliens care about the south end of our digestive tracts? And the whole alien-human hybrid thing too. Believe me, they don’t want to mate with us. I’ve got a sinking feeling that – with all the infinite variety of possible intelligent life out there – we earthlings probably have a lock on the deviant sexuality. Sex with aliens is just a reflections of our own degeneracy. Not that I’m saying there isn’t anything wrong with internet porn, plushy conventions, midget sex, S&M, or a good old fashioned boinking – it’s just that I’m certain they’re not interested in our naughty bits.
So the whole good and bad argument should be predicated on the aliens not wanting to peg us in our fudge makers. If they are bad – which I suspect they would be – they want us for some other nefarious reason. Like in Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, or M. Night Shymalan’s Signs. I do believe they could look at us as just primitive, dumb animals to be dissected or used as livestock. But is that evil? Amoral? Or the luxury of being an apex predator with bigger brains than we hairless monkeys? I don’t know.
So – what does that have to do with today’s posting? Well – to get back on track...
The aliens are here! They’re coming! Watch the skies! And they’ve been spotted by different people!!! So – has the invasion begun?!? I should say that I found another article on the internet where someone suggested that these pictures might be part of a guerilla/viral internet marketing campaign for the new Transformers movie. I don’t know though. Pretty compelling pictures, huh? I am not going to be happy if I have to put my plans for single-handed world domination on the back burner to fend off an alien invasion. I’ve got deadlines to meet, people to kill, and contractors who need to get paid for chrissakes!
I found this article also which is a lot less tin foil hat and a lot more real science – an earthlike planet has been discovered. This is exciting on all kinds of levels. You know – it’s funny that it’s possible that an advanced alien civilization could possibly be detected by the SETI project, but we don’t have the resources to listen to a fraction of the universe out there. This discovery is cool in that it gives us something to point the radio towers at. Now if we can just figure out warp drives, we can zip out to take a look see. Where’s Zephram Cochran when you need him?!?
And now for something a little more earthly – this made me laugh so I hard I had a little bit of pee squirt out… I love a good prank. Remind me to tell you about The Great MetroPark Massacre sometime…
Ever have an asshole for a roommate? Ever have someone leave little notes about not cooking fish in the microwave in your office kitchenette? Ever want to punch them in their throats because of their snarky, passive aggressiveness? This is my new favorite site…
And now it’s time for today’s chilling story about President Bush’s campaign to make us the biggest asshats in the free world. If you didn’t see this coming, you’re either a Republican apologist, a naïve moron, or suffering from severe mental retardation. Now let me add that Ahmadinejad’s a dumbass who’s asking to get his nutsack kicked; him and that Castro-wannabe Hugo Chavez. I get that. But can’t we fix the shitstorm we started in Afghanistan and Iraq (where we shouldn’t have been in the first fucking place!) before we go looking for the next contender?!? God, can somebody please take away George W.’s cowboy boots , cowboy hat, and cap gun before he hurts himself or somebody else’s kid?!?
Now scram! I’ve got to fend off an alien invasion!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Life, Liberty, and LARP'ers
There is a phenomenon out there that I find absolutely unexplainable. It’s called LARP. Now I am a geek. A huge, unrepentant, geeky geek. I spent a considerable part of my teens and twenties in candle lit rooms eating barbecue Pringles, drinking Cherry Coke, and arguing with my fellow geeks that my 12th level Dwarven Cleric could totally kill a dragon with my +12 Battle Hammer of Doom. I own my geekiness. Part of owning this quirk of personality is the understanding that I will get made fun of for it. I TOTALLY get the new Alltel commercials with the cellphone guys in the van when they snort that “…Dungeonmasters don’t have levels!” There is a certain way one is perceived when you can understand what a d12 is, or can quote entire scenes from Monty Python’s Holy Grail, or explain – with great conviction – that while the fight scene from the original Star Trek where Kirk battles the Gorn on Cestus III is still the WORST choreographed fight scene ever…it’s still one of your favorite episodes. Some of us rise above this (like myself) and actually move out of our mom and dad’s house and actually have real sex with real girls and go on to lead normal lives. But, even considering the levels of geekiness I am capable of – even normal Role Playing geeks like myself shake our heads when confronted with the wrongness that is LARP’ing. This is the lowest level of geek – the geeks that get made fun of by other geeks. They are the Untouchable Caste. It is all that is wrong with being a geek. And this guy encapsulates the whole evil, filthy practice… and does it well. There but for the grace of the dark gods of Krynn go I.
And to further show how geeky the good Doctor is… I present a really cool grammar, linguistic thing. I am a word geek. This sort of stuff please the geeky English major that I am….
Yeah, yeah. I know... another political thread. But I also feel it’s really, really, really chilling. This has overshadows of Kristallnacht and if this isn’t something that scares the hell out of you, it should. This is how democracy ends… "First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me. – Martin Niemoeller 1892-1984 "
This is one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen written. Especially considering the writer’s field and audience. I don’t have much more to say about it, just that I’m so impressed with Christine’s courage…
This was a really cool article that struck my zombie fancy. In spite of, or maybe because of, the whole cold war slant… this had the feel of one of those news excerpts that science fiction writers throw into a story to help show how “advanced” their story is from modern day. It had a definite Heinlein or Asimov feel. It could have been written in the 50’s or 60’s. It’s got the Cold War US vs. Russia angle, the wondrous, clean burning, alternate fuel in Helium-3, and even the idea of mining rights on the moon. Gods! I am absolutely chock full of the geekiness today.
At first I thought this was a tongue in cheek piece of satire, but then it dawned on me that this guy is absolutely serious. This is exactly the sort of fearmongering and agenda pushing I was afraid the Virginia tech shootings would cause. Taken in conjunction with the earlier article about dictatorships, and I find myself lamenting what little liberty we have left to give up. I am a minority among my fellow liberals in that I feel that the second amendment is as important and inviolable as every other one in the Bill of Rights - - and fucknuts like this would make the eventual Bush dictatorship EASIER by disarming us. An unarmed populace is no longer classified as citizens - -they are subjects. And idiots like this and the Brady gun-grabbers would rather we become defenseless because they are afraid of guns and the crazy whackos who would want those same evil, people killing weapons. I hope this guy becomes the victim of a home invasion. What do you want to bet if that happens, and his wife or daughter gets raped, he’d want a gun then?
And finally…
Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ! Spiders! In his ear!!!! Gaaaaagghhh! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! Oh god! Oh god! Where’s a Q-Tip!?! The Doctor is an arachnophobic and this is just wrong! Spiders are fucking evil!!! I’ve said for years that this is what they do when you sleep…but nobody fucking believed me!!! You see! I! WAS! RIGHT!
Go. Leave now. I must go and shudder uncontrollably in the nearest available corner. AFTER I track down some earplugs….
And to further show how geeky the good Doctor is… I present a really cool grammar, linguistic thing. I am a word geek. This sort of stuff please the geeky English major that I am….
Yeah, yeah. I know... another political thread. But I also feel it’s really, really, really chilling. This has overshadows of Kristallnacht and if this isn’t something that scares the hell out of you, it should. This is how democracy ends… "First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me. – Martin Niemoeller 1892-1984 "
This is one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen written. Especially considering the writer’s field and audience. I don’t have much more to say about it, just that I’m so impressed with Christine’s courage…
This was a really cool article that struck my zombie fancy. In spite of, or maybe because of, the whole cold war slant… this had the feel of one of those news excerpts that science fiction writers throw into a story to help show how “advanced” their story is from modern day. It had a definite Heinlein or Asimov feel. It could have been written in the 50’s or 60’s. It’s got the Cold War US vs. Russia angle, the wondrous, clean burning, alternate fuel in Helium-3, and even the idea of mining rights on the moon. Gods! I am absolutely chock full of the geekiness today.
At first I thought this was a tongue in cheek piece of satire, but then it dawned on me that this guy is absolutely serious. This is exactly the sort of fearmongering and agenda pushing I was afraid the Virginia tech shootings would cause. Taken in conjunction with the earlier article about dictatorships, and I find myself lamenting what little liberty we have left to give up. I am a minority among my fellow liberals in that I feel that the second amendment is as important and inviolable as every other one in the Bill of Rights - - and fucknuts like this would make the eventual Bush dictatorship EASIER by disarming us. An unarmed populace is no longer classified as citizens - -they are subjects. And idiots like this and the Brady gun-grabbers would rather we become defenseless because they are afraid of guns and the crazy whackos who would want those same evil, people killing weapons. I hope this guy becomes the victim of a home invasion. What do you want to bet if that happens, and his wife or daughter gets raped, he’d want a gun then?
And finally…
Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ! Spiders! In his ear!!!! Gaaaaagghhh! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!! Oh god! Oh god! Where’s a Q-Tip!?! The Doctor is an arachnophobic and this is just wrong! Spiders are fucking evil!!! I’ve said for years that this is what they do when you sleep…but nobody fucking believed me!!! You see! I! WAS! RIGHT!
Go. Leave now. I must go and shudder uncontrollably in the nearest available corner. AFTER I track down some earplugs….
Friday, April 20, 2007
Dr. Z's Conveyance of Doom II
So the weather finally broke and I spent some time washing and waxing the Harley.
Behold! Doctor Zombie's Conveyance of Doom. Tremble in fear! Wallow in your jealousy!
Now I'm a bald, sexy, motorcycle-riding badass!
Now scram, you! Begone before someone drops a house on you!!!
Behold! Doctor Zombie's Conveyance of Doom. Tremble in fear! Wallow in your jealousy!
Now I'm a bald, sexy, motorcycle-riding badass!
Now scram, you! Begone before someone drops a house on you!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Obligatory Virginia Tech Posting
So I was watching the Today show yesterday. They had a graduate student from Virginia Tech on. The reason they were interviewing her was because she went to high school at Columbine.
Yep. That's right. She was there at Columbine and she was there at the Virginia Tech shooting. Talk about having the worst damned luck in the world.
She was actually in the cafeteria when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were going from table to table, extermininating all of the kids who had ever done them wrong. And now, years later, she's got to live through this shit again.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't stand next to this chick during a lightning storm...
All in all, this whole thing in Virginia sucks. The thing is, every time something like this happens, I can't help but sympathize with these poor guys who freak the fuck out and start shooting people. I was one of those kids who wore dark clothes in high school. I was one of those kids who got picked on by the beautiful people. My friends and I were a little too smart, a little too weird, a little too nihilistic and misanthropic.
I understand. Not that I went that way, but I understand.
I have two concerns with this whole mess. First, that it will give the Democrats in Washington an excuse to institute additional gun bans. I'm a liberal. I'm REALLY liberal. But I also grew up in a family of sportsmen who hunted. Also, my father was a cop. I grew up around guns and I differ from many of my liberal counterparts in that I feel the Second Amendment is inviolable and sacred. And, if the liberal pussies at most American universities (Virginia Tech included) would allow licensed concealed carry holders to carry their weapons on college campuses, 33 people might not be dead right now. We don't need more gun laws, we need common sense loosening of the current laws. Guns - in the hands of licensed citizens - are the first line of defense. Cops can't be everywhere and can only respond to situations like this after people begin dying. So where does that leave those who are there, defenseless and facing the psychotic gaze of a mentally unbalanced nutjob?
My second concern is that this tragedy will allow the anti-gun agitists to push their agenda and, in so doing, bury the deeper issues that should be at the forefront of any rational evaluation of this tragedy. Namely, that there are kids out there who need help. Kids who are walking timebombs that have all the signs. To extend the metaphor, they are ticking so loudly that anybody with a reasonable ability to interpret such things should hear it. Generation Y, the current generation of kids born after 1980, have lived their whole lives with the belief that they are the center of the universe. They are the "Baby On Board" generation who have been told that they can be anything they want and do anything that they set their minds to...all while being catered to and pampered by overindulgent parents. This manifests itself in increased rudeness, a sense of entitlement, and a need for continued attention. And when they don't get it - - some of them end up like this guy Cho. Or Eric Harris. Or Dylan Klebold. And that's where the focus should be...
Enough for today. I know return you to your regularly scheduled mental breakdown...
Yep. That's right. She was there at Columbine and she was there at the Virginia Tech shooting. Talk about having the worst damned luck in the world.
She was actually in the cafeteria when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were going from table to table, extermininating all of the kids who had ever done them wrong. And now, years later, she's got to live through this shit again.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't stand next to this chick during a lightning storm...
All in all, this whole thing in Virginia sucks. The thing is, every time something like this happens, I can't help but sympathize with these poor guys who freak the fuck out and start shooting people. I was one of those kids who wore dark clothes in high school. I was one of those kids who got picked on by the beautiful people. My friends and I were a little too smart, a little too weird, a little too nihilistic and misanthropic.
I understand. Not that I went that way, but I understand.
I have two concerns with this whole mess. First, that it will give the Democrats in Washington an excuse to institute additional gun bans. I'm a liberal. I'm REALLY liberal. But I also grew up in a family of sportsmen who hunted. Also, my father was a cop. I grew up around guns and I differ from many of my liberal counterparts in that I feel the Second Amendment is inviolable and sacred. And, if the liberal pussies at most American universities (Virginia Tech included) would allow licensed concealed carry holders to carry their weapons on college campuses, 33 people might not be dead right now. We don't need more gun laws, we need common sense loosening of the current laws. Guns - in the hands of licensed citizens - are the first line of defense. Cops can't be everywhere and can only respond to situations like this after people begin dying. So where does that leave those who are there, defenseless and facing the psychotic gaze of a mentally unbalanced nutjob?
My second concern is that this tragedy will allow the anti-gun agitists to push their agenda and, in so doing, bury the deeper issues that should be at the forefront of any rational evaluation of this tragedy. Namely, that there are kids out there who need help. Kids who are walking timebombs that have all the signs. To extend the metaphor, they are ticking so loudly that anybody with a reasonable ability to interpret such things should hear it. Generation Y, the current generation of kids born after 1980, have lived their whole lives with the belief that they are the center of the universe. They are the "Baby On Board" generation who have been told that they can be anything they want and do anything that they set their minds to...all while being catered to and pampered by overindulgent parents. This manifests itself in increased rudeness, a sense of entitlement, and a need for continued attention. And when they don't get it - - some of them end up like this guy Cho. Or Eric Harris. Or Dylan Klebold. And that's where the focus should be...
Enough for today. I know return you to your regularly scheduled mental breakdown...
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