Thursday, August 03, 2006

One of those days...

So, as if my week wasn't already bad enough...

I have always been bit of a klutz and have never been what one could call, "catlike and nimble". I have suffered from this my whole life and, to add insult to injury, I also have horrible luck.

Let me tell you how my day went.

So I go to the local 5/3 Bank to make a payment on my Jeep, "The Blue Zombie". I pull up to the window and, as I have my softtop off, reach out and retrieve the canister from the drive through tube thingy. I put in my payment, get ignored by the pretty girl inside the bank, and eventually get my payment taken. The tube whooshes back to me, I pick it up, and retrieve my receipt. And here is where the wheels fell off the cart...

I go to RETURN the tube to the tube thingy and fumble it. It drops with a clunk to the ground. "Crap," says I. I try to reach it from the driver's seat, but as there's a door between myself and the ground, that doesn't work. So, being the suave and nimble cat that I am, I open my door and bend down to grab the canister from where it lies beneath the Jeep. Unfortunately, my door hits the concrete bank tube thingy and comes to an abrupt stop about a quarter of the way open. With a meaty thwock, I bash my bald forehead ON THE DOOR. "Fuck," I says, rubbing my forehead in that way that doesn't do anything for the pain, but makes you feel better.

Now I'm mad. I pop my emergency brake and put the Jeep into first gear. My intention is to roll far enough forward to clear the dumb concrete tube thingy, open my door and repeat the process - - less the meaty thwock to my now angry and swollen forehead. Unfortunately, I'm so focused on watching the tube thingy, and figuring out the point at which my door clears it, I completely forget to watch the fallen tube on the ground.

Too late, I realize this as I hear the plasticky crunch of the tube as I run it over with a beefy 30x9.5 mud tire.

So, a few minutes and several curses later, I am out of my Jeep, standing in the drivethru lane of the bank. I am holding the shattered pieces of tubing in both hands and pushing the call button.

"Excuse me," I say to the pretty girl who so handily ignored me previously, " thing...ummmmm. Sorry?"

"That's all right," she says, "That happens quite a bit. Just set it on top and I'll come and get it on my next break."

So I set the broken pieces on the tube thingy, which is sporting a nice scrape of Jeep factory Patriot Blue paint, and go back to my Jeep. I climb in and a glance in my rear view mirror shows a now golfball-sized knot growing from my forehead like some malignant tumor.

As I pull out of the bank parking lot in my topless Jeep, it begins to rain.

How was your day?

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