Thursday, March 22, 2007

Some Hot Buttered Links!

I’ ve got some great Theater of Terror related links and news to throw up. Some of them may be a week or two old, but that’s largely because I’ve been so busy with work lately (and I just came back from a three day Communications conference for work. (Craptacular as it may have been. Sigh. ) Anyway, some great, great news out there!

Rob Zombie News!!!! The first is this article from Fango about The Werewolf Woman of the S.S. You may or may not know it, but Rob wrote and directed one of the intermission ‘trailers’ for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’ orgasm inducing Grindhouse. It’s got some delicious pictures of Sherri Moon Zombie, and looks fan-fucking-tastic! I read another article in the NY Post that said that Grindhouse was almost certainly going to get an NC-17 and much of that rating can be attributed to the nasty little vignette that Rob put together. Rock on! Here are two more links about Rob’s remake of Halloween. There’s some info about the script and story, as well as some casting announcements. All I’ve got to say is that he’s gone and made a brilliant casting choice in Malcolm McDowell as Doctor Loomis. Brilliant! Also, he’s managed to cast Danielle Harris in the film. Danielle played the little girl Jaime in Halloween 4 and 5. You may also recognize her as Bruce Willis’s daughter from The Last Boy Scout (one of the best action movies EVER!). Well, little Danielle grew up into one of the hottest goddamned woman on the planet - - and Rob’s got her doing a nude scene. Rob Zombie is a god among men.

I don’t know about you, but I am soooo excited to see what Zombie does with Halloween. Truth be told, Halloween is one of my top three horror movies of all time. And, if anybody but Rob or John Carpenter himself were to remake it, I’d probably be screaming and actively campaigning to have those responsible garrotted. But it looks like Zombie’s got a great vision and from everything I’ve read, he’s a true fan - - so hopefully he can do it justice. Either way – I’ll be in my seat at the first showing…

In other movie news – Disney’s released the trailer for the new Pirates of the Carribean. Dark Gods help me, I love this series. And I love Keira Knightly… dear, sweet, tiny Keira. I’d sever an undead arm to meet her…

And in British film news – Shaun and Ed, from Shaun of the Dead, are back! Their new movie - Hot Fuzz - will be hitting US theaters in May. Check out the film’s web site and the trailer that can be found there. Looks like more fried gold, chum! Shaun of the Dead was one of the most brilliant, funny movies I’ve ever seen – and I expect these guys will do a similarly great job skewering the cop film genre.

For my friend Stephen – who’s as nutty about the Doctor Who as me – here’s a great little weekend home improvement project. This is cool on so many geeky levels that it defies logic!!!

And in Tech News - Prevent skynet from becoming self aware! Find Sarah Connor!

And – because it’s been a few weeks since one of my rants against organized religions and the Holy War being conducted by the whackos on the extreme right in our country – I found this to be a really interesting article. The argument is that, basically, if the fundie Christians insist on bringing religion into our schools, that’s fine. Just so long as we provide OTHER religions as a counterpoint. How loud do you think they’d squawk if, right after the Intelligent Design As An Alternative To Real Science class, their little fundie spawn had to go to a Wiccan bonfire, or a Pagan Goddess ritual? Fair is fair, right?

Enough for now, my lovely undead minions. Back to the mines! I need various minerals and heavy metals to build my newest doomsday device! Go! Back to work!

Don’t make me put the leeches on you…

Monday, March 19, 2007

Doctor Zombie's Conveyance of Doom!

Suck it, bitches!

The Doctor now has a Harley! I pick it up on Saturday.

Here's what it kind of looks like - I'll have better pictures next week.

That is all.

Move along, nothing to see here...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Guilty Pleasures, Venom, and Filth

Some links have been building up in my saved file and I thought I’d throw them out there.

Still so hot! Lucy counts as a guilty pleasure, and I’m ecstatic that she is on Battlestar Galactica now. She will very likely become my backup, auxiliary Zombie Queen. After Mrs. Zombie of course… It’ll be like Big Love on HBO. Mrs. Zombie will be the Head Zombie Queen, and Lucy Lawless, Charlize Theron, and Sarah Silveman will be the backup Zombie Queens.

Speaking of Sarah Silverman, dark evil gods is she hot! And she’s hot in a different way then most famous babes. Besides the fact that she’s smoking hot looks-wise - - I totally think she’d be cool to hang out with. She’s funny, smart, and would have no problem farting in front of her man.
I want Sarah Silverman.

I want her in a deep, dirty, primal way.

Anybody else think this bodes ill? I expect that there is some Lovecraftian explanation for this and messing with it will cause bad things to happen. I, for one, welcome our new overlord and master, Cthuhlu! Ia Ia Cthuhlu Pthagn!

I found another celebrity with a Blogger account. I think it’s cool that celebs are using the same system as I do. I don’t know if it’s the ease of Blogger for posting, or if it’s just lame-ass cheapness on the part of the celebrity for not hiring a real web designer. Either way, I’m thinking of putting together a blog with links to all the celebrity blogs I can find. Unlike MC Hammer though, ol’ Pete doesn’t have an email address. Too bad, but maybe not so bad. Now I’ll probably get a knock on the door from the Justice Department for linking to the site of a known pederast. Won’t be the first time…

Speaking of getting my name put on a list for some dumbass thing I’ve written… This was an interesting read. John Edwards is really cool, and I was bummed when he didn’t get the Democratic nomination last time around. This time, he seems to really be courting the grassroots Gen X and Y voters with his online campaign blitz. Of course, he runs the risk of what happened in the article. Which brings me to my own stupidity. This blog, and my honesty here, have most likely torpedoed any chance I might have had to be a political force to be reckoned with. Oh well, no loss there. Just kind of funny though – the writer of the article was astute in observing that he would have been a liability to the Edwards campaign. I’m certain my railing against Fundie Christians, the Right Wing whackos, President George W. Fucknut, and anybody else who I don’t like is a definite political liability.

Thing is - - I don’t care.

And in that same vein – once again – Ann Coulter is a dirty whore who exemplifies all that is wrong with the Right Wing Conservative Machinery of Lies and Death. She says exactly what all of the idiots who listens to her and buy her books are thinking. Republicans are ALL racist, homophobic, hate mongerers – and she’s the one they call on to say all the bad things the “Official” RNC can’t say. Don’t think for a minute that the RNC doesn’t encourage her or give her the hateful soundbites she spews like a poisonous ejaculate. And bravo to Edwards for capitalizing on it.

Of course – this whole Edwards thing is academic as Gore will enter the race in August and September and lock up the Democratic nomination. Gore in 2008!!!

By the way – according to this site, I’m banned in China! Woo-hoo! I guess I’m a voice of Democracy and I scare the hell out of the Communist leaders of Big Red. Sweet.

And finally – check out my buddy Snake’s custom shop – Sick Shit Customs. The Snake fucking rocks and, when I finally do get my Harley, he’ll be helping me pimp it out. Rock and roll, brotha!

That is all.

Monday, March 05, 2007


I’m so not happy right now. I had a shitty weekend and I’m none too pleased in general.

So – I tracked down a Harley for a good price. I called the dealer where it was at and spoke to a salesmen no less than 4 times. I was looking at a 1973 Harley XLCH. It’s an old Sportster with an 1100 motor. I’m all about the old school look, and the old school Ironhead motor it came with. So I talk to this tool salesman 4 times and he assures me that this bike is pristine. It runs great, it has zero major problems, and is in great shape.

“Does it leak oil,” I ask, fully expecting it to – but also wanting to know what I’m getting into.
“Nope!” He replies.
“This bike is rideable, right?” I ask, “Because although I expect to wrench on it, I also would like to tool around and play on it before I begin the major rebuild on it. Spring is coming.”
“It’s ready to go, man,” he says.
“Are you sure” I ask.
“Absolutely!” he says.

I had this conversation 4 goddamned times. I was assured it would be a ready to go, rideable bike.

Soooo, I take a day off of work. I ask my dad to take a day off of work. We load up my buddy Snake’s trailer, my bike for trade, and Zombie Boy (who was sick on Friday and was off of school). We then drive 2 ½ hours to Pittsburgh to get my new (older) Harley.

Then we get there and see it.

Let me give you the breakdown of what was wrong with this bike:
-It had a shitty battery that would not hold a charge because it had an aftermarket alarm on it that was drawing the battery dry.
-The entire electrical system had all kinds of problems.
-It was beat and dinged, with scratches and rust on all of the tins, the cylinder heads, and the pipes.
-It had a Honda CB 350 seat that was bolted to the rear fender with a rusty lagbolt. The front of the seat was DUCT TAPED to the tank!
- When I lifted the seat, the wiring was stuffed under the seat in a big, tangled, matted ball. The aftermarket alarm system had wires that randomly dangled from different parts of the bike.
-Remember the rideable part? The brake pedal was BROKEN OFF! So I guess it was rideable if I didn’t want to FUCKING stop!
-Remember the no oil leak part? Yeah – that was a lie too. There was a significant leak off the rear cylinder head that ran down and dripped off of the back of the sheared brake pedal.
-And – finally – when it started (with a jump only) it sounded great, except for the spray of oil that poured out when it was under compression.

I understand that they wanted to get rid of it. And I might have taken it if it was $500 bucks and local. It would have cost me another $2k or so to get the bike rideable. I could have dealt with this. But this knob KNEW I was coming from Cleveland. KNEW that I was going all the way to Pittsburgh (which is another story in and of itself. Cleveland Browns fans DO NOT willingly go to Pittsburgh. I and my father were truly pilgrims in an unholy land. Pittsburgh Steelers fans are known to be vile sodomites and cannibals!)

So. I told them I didn’t want the bike and – I’m a bit embarrassed about this – in my rage, I murdered everyone at the dealership and bathed in their blood.

They shoulda known better than to mess with Doctor Zombie.

The search for a Harley continues…