Wednesday, April 23, 2008

P.S. - Uwe Boll Must Die!

I’ve got some assorted stuff that I’ve been hanging onto for a little while and have been just too lazy to post. For my part, I’m leaving tomorrow to go to my hunting property in another attempt at killing me some turkey. I’m really, really looking forward to the break from work and life. Things have been kind of crazy with my job as of late and, although it’s good crazy, it’s been wearying nonetheless. And I’m sure Mrs. Zombie will be glad to send me off to the woods for a couple days to drink and camp and just decompress because, quite honestly, the stress has made me kind of a dick at home lately.

I don’t even care that it’s supposed to rain this weekend. I just bought a Goretex MSS Bivy sack off of E-bay and I’ve been dying to try it in some rain. For those that don’t know, a bivy is a single person shelter that you slip over your sleeping bag. It’s dry, warm, and waterproof. It’s like a tent, only with a fraction of the set up time and carry weight. If you’re interested in pictures or more info – check out Zombie Squad Testing Guru WoodsWalker’s review of the MSS Bivy over at ZS. This review is solely responsible for why I bought mine.

So – what else do I have sitting around here? Hmmm…

First I have some older news, but I still think it warrants some review. I saw I Am Legend when it came out in the theaters a few months back. And, although it didn’t really even make an attempt to adhere to Richard Matheson’s source material, I still found it to be a really good movie. From a survivalist standpoint, Neville was a moron; but the movie had a great mix of action and horror. I especially liked how it showed Neville’s impending mental breakdown from the isolation. My biggest issue with the movie, however, was the ending. The things like poorly done CGI monsters and poor preparation on Neville’s part I can overlook and suspend disbelief about. The end, however, just sucked. Now, however, the DVD is out and the power of the internet has brought us the original ending that the movie studio thought was too esoteric for American audiences. I disagree wholeheartedly with that belief and think that the original ending was an ass-load better. You be the judge…

Here’s an amazingly dork-like and nerdy post! Are you ready? “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” That last sentence... the one with all the superfluous buffalos... is a valid, grammatically sound sentence. Seriously. Check it out if you don’t believe me. The English major in me is dancing in geekish glee!!!

Uwe Boll will quit making those abortions he calls movies if a million people sign a petition asking him to. Not that I believe him – but one can always hope, huh? And - for those who don’t know – Dr. Uwe Boll is the German director who has brought to the screen such steaming piles of crap as House of the Dead, Alone In the Dark, and BloodRayne. He is evil incarnate and deserves to be arrested, tortured, and painfully executed for his terrorist assaults on cinema and, more specifically, the horror genre. His claim to fame is that he takes reasonably good video games, buys the rights to them, and then makes movies based on them that are devoid of plot, good dialogue, or any sense of artistic worthiness. The scripts are embarrassingly bad, the effects are stupid, and the stories are painfully retarded. So retarded, in fact, they should be taken out back and shot in the back of the head in order to prevent their infecting the rest of the genetic pool. To watch an Uwe Boll movie is an act of suicidal self-lobotomy and is the equivalent of going to a theater and watching the cast down poison as the curtain goes up. You then very quickly realize that you will now watch those same actors writhe on the floor, in agony, vomiting blood and foam, as they spend the next HOUR AND A HALF dying painfully and prolonging the agony YOU must endure in watching it happen. What kills me is how Uwe Boll gets big name actors in his films, much less why such a universally reviled hack continues to get financing to make the shit he calls movies. And the thing is – his movies are not even bad in a good way. Ed Wood was passionate and tried to make good movies. John Waters whole career is defined by how awesome the camp he films is. Uwe Boll is just awful. His work is abhorrent, evil, and must be destroyed so that future generations can be saved from its infectious filth. Please sign the petition. Save the children. I beg you…

Because spring’s finally hit Northeastern Ohio -and I’ve been polishing the chrome on my Harley - I thought I’d throw out a list of the 10 best biker movies of all time. Like all of these lists, there are always going to be ones I disagree with… but it’s still a good start if you want to have some beers and watch a few outlaw flicks on one of those stormy nights when you can’t go for a ride!

More X-Files news! There’s been confirmation on the name. Gods! I can’t wait for this film. And – the title got me thinking. I think I want one of those posters that Mulder had hanging in his office on the series; one of those “I Want to Believe” posters. And, on an unrelated note - Gillian Anderson looks sooooo fucking hot!

Gillian … dear sweet Gillian…

Here is an interesting art project I read about over on MSNBC’s Clicked blog. People take pictures of themselves as children and try to recreate them as adults. Doesn’t make sense? Just take a look at the gallery. Really cool and something I’m thinking of trying. Just like Will at Clicked, I especially like the ones with siblings…

Finally – more Dark Tower geekishness. I, by the way, have begun to re-read the Dark Tower series and am totally immersed in Roland’s world. I thought this oddly appropriate as I will most likely be doing some shooting this weekend.

The Gunslinger's Litany

I do not aim with my hand; he who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I aim with my eye.

I do not shoot with my hand; he who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I shoot with my mind.

I do not kill with my gun; he who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father.

I kill with my heart.


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