Wednesday, December 07, 2005


What a day.

Got up this morning, excited because my work is offering an inhouse bachelor's degree program. So I got after about 2 hours of sleep, got the kids on the bus, slurped down some coffee (which I don't really like, but I needed it dammit!), drove into work and found out... it's a BA in Business Administration. That is soooo not going to help me. I need about 21 hours towards my BA in English. So I left work grumpy.

Came into work later, got THE call about the job. Guess what... I didn't get the job. The manager said that I was the perfect candidate and that I would have had the job if the winning candidate hadn't already been doing the job for 5 years. The manager also said the job was mine, if the other candidate hadn't been doing a lateral move. Bonus, they want me to apply again if another job hits the board because everyone liked me so much.

If that's the case, why don't I have the friggin job?!?

Finally, to add insult to injury, I was supposed to have Friday night off to have dinner with the family for my birthday. I went to the trouble of setting up helpers to sit in on my class and made sure I had plenty of coverage. I was really, really looking forward to this. Then I'm notified that my manager doesn't want me to take off. It's completely arbitrary as to why. She just felt that I should have to stay at work that night.

I'm in a bad place right now. I'm thinking black murderous thoughts and I'm thinking I'm trapped in a job I don't want to do witha boss I don't particularly care for - - especially now. It's not like I didn't love the job at one time. I still do love the job. I just want to move on. I'm so tired of doing the same shit every day. I need change, I need a challenge, I need more money because I'm maxed out in my damn salary range and I've got no chance of any kind of raise any time in the future.

I'm leaving work tonight, I'm going home, and I'm going to have a few beers. And I'm going to try not to think about how depressed I am.

The only thing that's looking up right now is that I have my birthday coming up and I've made the decision to try and go back to school. Maybe that will give me some direction. Maybe that will fill this emptiness. Ambition sucks.

My! Aren't I being the whiny, melodramatic, drama queen! Enough, the good Doctor must depart in his hearse to go drink frothy adult beverages to dull his pain!

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