So I’ve a huge decision to make. I’ve been given permission by Mrs. Zombie to tentatively attend Zombiefest in October. Zombiefest is a zombie themed horror convention in the home of zombies – Pittsburgh. In fact, it’s actually taking place at the world famous Monroeville Mall. For those who don’t know what that is (and you should be ashamed if you don’t, my lovely undead minions!), it’s the mall where the great George Romero filmed the zombie classic Dawn of the Dead. George, as you should all know, is from Pittsburgh and it’s in the Pittsburgh area that he filmed all three of the Holy Trinity of zombie films; Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead.
On the list of can’t miss events are a Zombie Fest and Art Show, a Zombie Ball (zombie makeup and formal funeral wear optional) and an attempt to break the guinness Book of World Records record for the largest zombie walk ever.
Dear, dark pagan gods - - it’s going to fucking rock!!!
I’m almost thinking of making a weekend of it. Perhaps doing a zombie pilgrimage. I’ll go to the events at the Monroeville Mall, take a little jaunt over to the Evansville Cemetary (where Johnny famously said, “They’re coming to get you, Barbara! They’re coming!”), and maybe even a quick trip up to the former Wampum Mine (AKA the Gateway Commerce Center) where they filmed Day.
Pittsburgh is truly like Mecca to zombie flick fans. (Despite its horrifyingly bad football team and inbred, retarded football fans. One could almost say it’s an amazing mix of the truly sublime and grotesque!)
So – I’m excited about a weekend of zombies, Yuengling lager, and perhaps even meeting some of those wacky denizens from Zombie Squad. (They’ll have a table there. It’ll be cool to finally meet some of those crazy cats.)
So, you may be asking, what the fuck is the problem? Why are you bitching and moaning and complaining about having to make a decision? Well, dear reader, that’s the rub.
You see, in November I generally go on two major hunting trips. The first is at Veteran’s Day during the peak of the Ohio whitetail rut for bow hunting. The second is the weekend after Thanksgiving for the Ohio deer shotgun season. Considering that Zombiefest is the weekend before Halloween, Mrs. Zombie has put down her foot. (And it’s an odd foot. Mrs. Zombie is gorgeous and very pleasing to Dr. Zombie’s undead eye, but her feet leave something to be desired. She has strange mutant-like feet. They’re like Fred Flintstone’s feet. She sticks them out of the bottom of the car and starts it with her oddly shaped feet every morning. I love Mrs. Zombie…but I fear her feet. But I digress…)
Anyway, she’s put down her funky foot and said that, yes, I can attend Zombiefest - - but I need to give up a hunting trip. That, my dear readers, sucks. It sucks bad.
What’s an undead, evil scientist to do?
Sigh. Decisions, decisions.
I do know that I will be attending Zombiefest, so I suppose I’ll need to figure out the whole hunting thing at another time. That said… I wanted to extend an invitation to anybody who wants to join me at Zombiefest. I know a lot of my friends read this frequently as a means of keeping tabs on what I’m up to - -so I wanted to encourage all of you to email or call me. I want to invite you all to join me on the hajj to Zombieland USA.
We’ll camp somewhere near Pittsburgh, attend Zombiefest, and cause general mayhem and public disorder.
And for those who are saying, “Great! D’s going on and on about the zombies again. Sheesh!” I promise it’ll be fun. Really!
So check out the link, mark it on your calender, and consider it!
You won’t regret it!
Now go, I must feed and I don’t want to offend anyone’s delicate sensibilities. Eating human flesh is, apparently, off putting to some.