Which brings us to the time-honored and somewhat ridiculous tradition of New Year's resolutions. Last year, my resolution was to learn the double nunchuks. I'm pleased to say that I'm now a master of the double nunchaku, especially when I'm drunk. For 2012, I'm still working on my resolution. I've narrowed the list to the following...
New Years Resolutions
- Get accepted by NASA as an astronaut on the first mission to Mars
- Genetically clone and create my own velociraptor from fossilized DNA, because velociraptors kick ass.
- Go to clown school.
- Become Batman, because the only thing that kicks ass more than velociraptors is Batman.
As a postscript to my resolution list, I've realized one important thing - namely, that I haven't written nearly as much as I'd like to. I have no excuse for why I haven't other than pure selfish laziness. I returned to school recently and that took a lot of my time, and work's been batshit crazy, but I - a few years ago - promised myself I would write at least an hour or so a day, and I've totally slacked. This blog and my lack of updating can attest to how poorly I've followed my own tenet. I'll be better next year because I, seriously, have like 6 novels, a screenplay, and several short stories I've started and just been too lazy to finish. I've gotten to where I like having royalty checks for my writing and need to get more.
I've also noticed that - recently - I've been drinking way too much. I started the year by joining an Irish whiskey tour at the local Irish American club where I'm a member and have been dutifully doing my two shots a month, plus a few pints of Guinness, plus maybe one or two more gratuitous auxiliary shots, and then some more Guinness. You know where that inevitably leads, right? That's right! Doctor Zombie, in his boxers on the front lawn, singing 'Tooraloora-loo!" and pissing the little wife (and the neighbors) off.
Add on top of that the fact that it's the holidays and that I've been going to holiday parties every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday since Thanksgiving (including a headache inducing sake party last night - Omae wa dare da? Omae o korosu! Kuso!!) and I've realized I need to cut back.
After tonight's party...
...and after the Whiskey Tour wrap-up party next Friday...
...And - oh yeah - I have to sign up for the next Whiskey tour.
But then I'm done. Seriously... Until at least St. Patty's.
So, as I stagger around the block to an annual New Year's party hosted by friends of Dr. and Mrs. Zombie, remember what old Doctor Zombie always says... your liver is the enemy and must be killed.
If you see something similar to the picture below, it's most likely me. In my pocket will be the number of my undead chauffeur minion. He'll know what to do! Please prop me up and call him. He'll get me back to the Midnight Theater of Terror.
Happy New Year, dear reader. I look forward to seeing you in 2012!
No comments:
Post a Comment