Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Fundie Baiting

I've been wanting to get one of those anti-fish stickers. You know what I'm talking about - those fish stickers that Christians put on the back of their cars to proudly proclaim that they are true believers? Right next to their 'W. in 2004' Stickers? The origin of the fish symbol in Christianty goes back to when Christians where unable to worship. So, they took the fish (whose named in greek - icthius(sp?) - was a synonym for Jesus, Son of god, and saviour) and drew it's likeness somewhere to let other Christians know who their allies in flogging were. Now, the Christians put silver fish stickers on the backs of their Buicks and Chevys.

You've seen 'em, right? Those stickers that undeniably state that the driver is a) born again and willing to pass judgement on those poor, heathen souls that aren't, or b) a member of the Christian right who, in a recent poll said that they felt that 'Christianity was under attack.' Funny that - considering that the Christian right (as represented by the current Republican majority in Congress, the POTUS, and soon, the Supreme Court of the US) controls the government right now!!! Anyway, I digress...

So, being who I am, (an undead, liberal, atheistic, and socialist misanthrope), I can't really let the Fundies be. So I want to get one of those anti-fish stickers. I'm torn though. They have the obvious choice of the Darwin Fish with the name of Darwin in the middle and two cute little feet proudly marching towards dry land, evolution, and the eventual formation of opposable thumbs. Apropos when one considers the current raging debate over Creationism..ooops...I mean Intelligent Design. "ID is NOT Creationism. No sirree! Uh-uh," sez the Christian right, in an attempt to blatantly deny they're trying to bring Creationism through the backstage door in a costume. It's like when Bugs Bunny dressed up as a cute girl bunny. Like Elmer Fudd, the Fundies hope we'll fall for it. The problem is, Elmer Fudd was retarded. The rest of us who can, at the least, tie our shoes and read beyond a second grade level, aren't so dumb.

So we have the Darwin fish which proclaims my love of and devotion to the mistress and wonder that is science, and then there's my second choice. A Chthulhu Fish. For those who don't know Chthulhu is a creation of HP Lovecraft, an early 20th century writer of wierd tales who is my favorite author. For the good Doctor, many a high school night was spent reading Lovecraft, or role playing to the Chaosium RPG Call of Cthulhu. The geek in me is drawn to this almost more than the Darwin fish. There's something about being in the parking lot and having a perturbed, yet confused, Christian ask me what the heck my Jesus fish parody with wings and a tentacled face means. The conversation would go something like this...

Christian (squinting and looking predictably irritated at the sticker, and then me): What's Cu..Cut..Chth...What's that sticker mean?

Doctor Zombie: The word's Cthuhlu.

Christian: What's it mean?

Doctor Zombie: Cthulhu is a mad Elder God who sleeps in the ancient sunken city of Rhlyeh. He slumbers and awaits the day when he rises up and calls upon his servants; Nyarlothotep, the Black Goat with a Thousand Young; Dagon; and the myriad evil and loathsome Deep Ones! He will lay waste to cities, burn the sky, and devour all of humanity. Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Phtagn!

Christian: Come children. Get in the SUV. Now! Don't look at the scary man!

Doctor Zombie (as they pull out with a squeal): Remember: Jesus saves, and so does Cthulhu... but that's probably because he wants to leave a a few of us to eat as a late night snack!

Hmmm... I'll have to make a choice. But it's sooo hard...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Put it right next to your Obama/Biden sticker.