Zombie Mecca

Q: "So what did YOU do on your summer vacation, Doctor Zombie?"
A: "I only went to the coolest fucking place on the planet!"

So yeah... Mrs. Zombie and I took last week off and did a little vacation before the kids went back to school. We got a hotel in Pittsburgh and spent a day at Kennywood - an amusement park just outside of Pittsburgh.

I was cool with it, and told Mrs. Zombie so. Even though I was going to have to deal with crowds and waiting in line and the unceasing brutality of August sunshine (The sun is trying to kill me. The bastard.)...

I was fine with it because, when she started planning the trip, I told her that I would swallow my hate for other people, fight my general antisocialness and gamely tolerate the unwashed masses... if we made one stop while in Pittsburgh.

She was almost sorry she said yes.

You see, no self respecting zombie film fan would DARE go to Pittsburgh without making the pilgrimage to that most holy of holy zombie-related places -- the Monroeville Mall.

That's right, dear reader... I went to the very same mall where the father of the modern day zombie movie filmed his classic 1978 Dawn of the Dead. I was in geekish heaven!

The funny thing is, I was certain she'd never go for it... but she indulged my idiocy and gave in. (I suspect when she realized that I was asking to go to a mall - in a state where there's NO sales tax - she was much more likely to acquiesce, but whatever, dude. I went to the fucking mall of malls!)

So after a short hop into suburban Monroeville PA, we rolled up on the awesomeness of Zombie Mecca. We were on a holy pilgrimage, even though we were in Pittsburgh, which is the most unholy of places to any self respecting Browns fan. As I said many times during the week, we were truly pilgrims in an unholy land! But I digress...

So, while Mrs. Zombie and WolfGirl perused the likes of such stores as Justice and Bath and Body Works.... ZombieBoy and I ran around like the total geeks we are, snapping pictures and making fools of ourselves.

We arrived 15 minutes before the mall opened and this pleased me immensely as the gates were down in all of the stores, especially at the JC Penney. I snapped a couple quick pictures of the Penney's as it appeared in Dawn of the Dead. I even took a picture of myself in front of the very side where Peter, Roger, and Flyboy went in and out.

While I was running around, waxing nerdy about the awesomeness of being in the fucking mall where Romero filmed Dawn... and before the stores opened... Mrs. Zombie and WolfGirl wandered around trying to get a wireless signal so that Mrs. Zombie could update her Facebook page to say where she was and that her husband was acting like a big, geeky child. Alas, she couldn't get a signal...

One cool point... the comic book store at the mall, Toy Galaxy, totally embraces the cinematic history of the mall. The have autographed pictures, a "maul of fame" with bloody handprints and autographs from various stars of zombiedom, t-shirts, movie posters, and even a small exhibit in the back devoted to all things zombie. They have a great staff and host various zombie themed events throughout the year. Definitely stop in if you ever make the pilgrimage, you won't regret it.

So… the tour begins!

Mall Interior

Much of the mall has been remodeled, but the original 70's style skylights remain.


Another shot of the skylights. In the movie, our intrepid heroes peer down through these when they first land on the mall of the roof...


The fish pond. The original fountain is long gone, but this pond remains with some big hornking carp in it.


Me on the bridge over the pond, imagining the awesomeness of a biker falling from the upper level into it...


A carousel now stands where the original clocktower was. Next to the carousel is Toy Galazy and (gag!) a Steelers store.

One of the escalators that the zombies rode up and down on...

Some copyright infringement in the mall! Posted mostly so I could cross post over at Zombie Squad and let them know that - even at the Monroeville Mall - their shit's being ripped off!

Ice Rink

The ice rink is long gone now and has been replaced by a food court.

JC Penneys

A shot of the Penney's store, gates down and everything. This is pointing twards the corner that Roger, Peter, and Flyboy went into... and where Flyboy lost his rifle.

A long shot of the Penney's...with ZombieBoy providing some perspective....

A picture of me in the aforementioned corner. This is right in front of the spot where Fran sat looking at the sad zombie...

The world's most famous escalator? I think maybe!

Close Up of the elevator. I guess at one point they had those antislide things in the middle to prevent people re-enacting the scene where Peter slides down... but they're no longer there.

And... on that note... me pretending to slide down the escalator! : )

Myself and ZombieBoy, sharing a father and son moment...

A shot of the escalator from the top floor!

Long shot of the Elevator where Flyboy met his gruesome demise...

The old 70's style script and electronics of the elevator.

The elevator downstairs...

Boiler Room

The hallway leading to the boiler room... there's a bathroom at the end and ZombieBoy had to go, so I snapped a shot of him making his way down the hallway. Then I realized that, in my excitement, I need to go too... good thing because, at the end of the hallway, the entrance to the boiler room was open. I stepped past the Authorized personnel Only sign and snapped the following two quick shots. I jumped back out and hit the head!

Exterior

The entrance we went into the mall at. Actually, this lead to the hallway right above the former clocktower site. I was just jazzed becasue the sign said Monroeville Mall.

The Dock. It figured prominently in the movie.

Parking lot shot. There were several shots of this in the movie, but the view has changed considerably (the strip mall with the Dick's Sporting Goods is relatively recent.)

Another shot, looking East from the dock. The road that the bikers came down is immediately to the right of this picture, but the picture I took of it - sadly - didn't come out.

Toy Galaxy and the Monroeville Zombies Exhibit

The awesome zombie themed exhibit at the back of the store. It's free, but they'll accept donations. I threw in a couple bucks and then bought a Monroeville Zombies t-shirt as well to support the store. The staff - as I said - was cool and my shirt was rung up by a cute and friendly Goth chick (I know, friendly and Goth are oxymorons... but it's true!)

The sign says it all... I do think the reflection of myself and ZombieBoy in the glass is kind of cool...

I'll admit it... I eagerly await the day I can see an actual paper with this headline!

ZombieBoy and I in front of a mannequin of Bill Hinzman's original Night of the Living Dead graveyard zombie.

Maul of Fame shot - Ken Foree's autograph.

Maul of Fame - Tom I'm-Fucking-Awesome Savini!!!


Maul of Fame - "They're coming to get you, Barabara!"

Hope you enjoyed the pictures! I have one final thought...

BEST.VACATION.EVER.

The Doctor Z. SHTF Zombie Apocalypse AR15 Build - Part 3

or, Pimpin' (and Uppers) Ain't Easy!

So - uppers.

AR15 uppers are hard, dude.

There's so many variations and levels of quality, it's almost mind-numbing.

There are two basic types of upper receivers - an A2 and an A3/A4. An A2 is the type most people are familiar with and that you see on most M16's. The have a carry handle on top of the receiver. The A3/A4 upper is a flattop upper -- which means it has no handle and is flat with a piece of rail on the top to attach optics and other accessories to. The A2 is a classic style, and the A3/A4 flattop is more common with tactical applications because it's modular and you can mount stuff to it.

Sort of.

You see, technically, the names are wrong and vary from manufacturer to manufacturer. TECHNICALLY - the A2 refers to the M16A2, which it has a handle and is the full military version (meaning it's full auto...or, has the giggle switch!)

The A3, TECHNICALLY, is supposed to be the civilian, handle topped A2, just not rock and roll full auto. The A4 is flattop, semi auto.

This is all semantics and gun weenies get into internet fist fights because of this. Suffice it to say -- in the civilian world:
-- A2 - Has a handle
-- A3/A4 - -Has a flat rail.

Another consideration is barrel length.

Again - the standard M16 configuration of an AR replicated the longer, more accurate 20 or 18 inch barrels. While this is great for longer range shooting, it's not so great in CQC (close quarters combat). The alternative to the longer barrels is to go either carbine length or SBR. Carbine length is a shortened 16 inch rifle that's great for tactical applications, and the SBR is a short barreled rifle as defined by the ATF. Anything under 16 inches is an SBR of it has a stock on it and requires paperwork, a signature of your local chief law enforcement officer, and a $200 tax stamb.

You'll notice I said that it has to have a stock on it. It is possible to get around this by not putting a stock on your 12, 10, or 8 inch barreled AR. It's called an AR pistol then, but it still has the dorky buffer tube sticking off of the back. And it's interesting to note that even having an AR15 stock in the house with an AR15 pistol, whether you intend to attach it or not, is a felony. Let me repeat that. It's a felony to try and circumvent the feds here.

Just saying...

Anyway - that brings us back to MY choices.

I decided early on that I wanted a 16inch carbine length flattop, and that never changed.

It was the perfect length, with the perfect setup for the optics I was looking to get. Mainly, I wanted to use a red dot scope I had laying around with BUIS (back up iron sights).

So that never changed.

But then the shopping started.

I had to decide whether I was just going to buy an assembled upper and snap it into the pins on the lower, or build an entire upper from scratch.

Cost-wise, building from scratch was probably going to be the best bet -- but with one big exception: Tools.

To build an upper, you need a few more specialized tools than with a lower. You need a barrel wrench, a torque wrench, headspace gauges, vice blocks, and a few other things. When I calculated in the cost of this, with the cost of parts -- it was readily apparent that it was cheaper to just buy one prebuilt.

So I began the search and found that I was looking at $500 or so for an assembled mid range upper. (Remember - I wasn't building a low quality rifle.. I wanted at least a marginal bump in quality.) That alone would have blown my budget of keeping my gun in the $600 range. So I began looking for used ones, and even seriously reconsidered building my own... but then I found DS Arms.

DS Arms is a company with a solid reputation as the premier builder of FAL rifles. This last October, they decided to expand their business into the AR realm, and began offering a complete upper for... wait for it... $275.

That's right. $275.

I couldn't pass it up as it was nearly half of what I was seeing anywhere else.

Their uppers included a flattop upper, round handguards, a Nitride coating (similar to the Tennifer coating Glock uses on all of their handguns), and was named the ZM4 upper. ZM was close enough to ZoMbie to make me tingle with geekish delight.

The problem was -- I didn't have the money. To make things worse, it was looking like the offer for the uppers was a limited time thing. They'd had a cheaper, not nitrided version available for $255, but they'd pulled it. It was only a matter of time before the offer was done.

So I began saving money here and there from the sale of my books, various odd jobs, and some embezzling of household funds. By embezzle, I mean I begged the wife for some money. In actuality, I somehow actually convinced Mrs. Zombie to allow me to get my own checking account and allow me to direct deposit like $20 a pay. She was actually happy to do so because she was getting tired of my using the household account for gun part purchases.

You see, PayPal is aggressively anti-gun and anything even remotely gun related results in an account ban. So every time I needed a part, I was transferring money from my PayPal account to our checking account... and it was only a matter of time before I managed to forget to tell her I'd transferred money and she spent it on something frivolous -- like the electric bill, property taxes, or mortgage.

So I managed to save the money and DSA still had them for the ultra-low price of $275! A quick call to their customer service number let me know that they were basically making them as they got the orders. If I ordered then, it would be a 3 to 4week wait on the upper as they assembled it.

I figured that was a good thing. It'd give me a little time to save up for my Bolt Carrier Group, charging handle, and rear BUIS (back up iron sight).

Soooo... I ordered it on 7/2. Surprisingly, they charged my credit card (meaning they'd made my upper! on 7/13.

Unfortunately, at this point I received nothing further, so I called on 7/16. I know - I was a little impatient. Jason in DSA Customer Service printed a shipping label while I was on the phone and assured me it would go out that day. (So my impatience paid off. Just saying.... )

Shipped 7/16
Received 7/21

I came home on the 21st to this on the front porch....


What's in the box? WHAT'S in the BOX?!?

I opened it up and, lo and behold, I've got a mostly complete AR15.


The fit and finish are nice and I'm as giddy as a school girl!


Almost ready to kill the ravenous, moaning zombie hordes!





Total Build Cost To Date
FFL Transfer Fee for Lower $25
Spikes Tactical Stripped Lower $89
CMMG Lower Parts Kit $65
GMG 6-position Tactical Stock $38
- Includes buffer, spring, and tube
C-Product 30 Round Polymer Mag $10
DS Arms Upper Assembly (shipped) $283


Total $510

It should be noted that, at this point, I have an idea of my total build cost. My goal was to build a gun in the $600 range and, with the purchase of my BCG, charging handle, and BUIS -- I'll be in the range of $650 to $675. So, for less than $700 or so dollars, I've built a mid-level AR15 to the point of completion. Now I know I'll spend more money on things like a quad rail or Magpul MOE forearm, a light mount, extra mags, and other bells and whistles that this basic AR doesn't have -- but the point is I built a useable, shootable AR for under $700. Not bad...

And one more, artsy shot...

The Old is New...

... and I find that this pleases me.

Seriously. I always thought that the humor and brilliance of this show was never truly understood my the marketing juggernaut that ensued during its heyday.

Mike Judge made a funny, witty, cartoon with really cool characters. Coupled with the recent return of Futurama, this is just fucking awesome!

The 90's were fun, mainly because that was the beinning of my adulthood (end of college, and then several blissful halcyonic years of singledom. Wing nights with my brothers Phil and Rich, 22 oz. beers, no real responsibility to speak of... ahhh, those were the days.) And there was some awesome TV.

And those two slackers with the funny laughs were a big part of it.

Anyway, never mind my melancholy and nostalgia...

OF course... if we could just talk someone into bringing back Firefly...

The Doctor Z. SHTF Zombie Apocalypse AR15 Build - Part 2

Part Two - Or Shit! I didn't see that coming!

When we left off -- I had a shiny new Spike's Tactical Lower Receiver and had ordered my LPK (lower parts kit).

I was off and staggering down the road towards an evil, black, zombie slaying assault rifle; and it felt damned good.

So, I received the CMMG parts kit in a snazzy little tube and was all jazzed to start building. But then I went to Arf.com and saw that, as part of the lower build, I needed to install the buffer tube - which wasn't part of the lower parts kit.

Crap.

So, back to the internet I went. Because I was getting antsy, I posted an old motorcycle jack I had on Craigslist and scored $60. That means I had $60 bucks to spend on the build.

A little research showed that some of the commercially available buttstocks out there carried the buffer tube, spring, and buffer with them. Score! So I began searching and settled on the Tapco 6 position stock. It came with all the rear parts and even - according to Tapco's video on Youtube - the requisite buffer tube wrench. The only problem was, they were all OVER $60. I had $60 bucks to spend and knew that there was no way the little missus was going to tolerate my going over. You see, she hates guns and, truthfully, was not thrilled about my building an EBR (Evil Black Rifle). The thought of an assault rifle scares the hell out of her. So... in order to get my toys and not upset her too much... I needed to tread lightly.

Back to the internet and Google Shopping I went.

After much searching, I found a great site called area51tactical.com. Besides the cool name, they have some of the best internet prices on ar15 parts. After much searching and reading... I settled on the Mako GMG 6 Position Buttstock. It didn't have the bad reviews that the DPMS Pardus or UTG had. It came with the buffer, buffer tube and spring as well... and all for a price that was unbelievable at $38. That left me enough money to order the stock, a wrench ($5.95 - an investment in future builds!) and even a C-product 30 round polymer mag.

And I was still under $60.

I rock.

The C-product mags, by the way, are the best deal on AR Mags you can get. I wanted to pick a mag up to test my mag release when I assembled the lower, and I did quite a bit of research. The mags actually run for $10, $5 - $10 cheaper than most other mags. They're well respected on gun forums and at Zombie Squad. They're even cheaper than the dependable government issue mags. The mag is black, metal, and even has a orange Magpul type follower for clean feeding. When I get the rifle fully built, I anticipate I'll spend $50 or so on more of these awesome mags.

So, I eagerly awaited the arrival of the parts from Area 51... so I could actually get to the building.

A week or so later they showed up, but then they sat for a couple weeks because of my apprehension. I'm handy, but wasn't sure if I was up to the task.

I was agonizing over putting it together because I wasn't sure I still wasn't going to fuck it up. That and I felt I needed to get some more tools. The builds I saw on Youtube and online all said you needed roll pin punches, and brass hammers, and all kinds of other snazzy tools that I didn't have.

My delay - as I've already said - was largely due to my apprehension about actually starting the build. The tools were something I figured I'd pick up from Harbor Freight -- but money was again tight.

So, one night, after Mrs. Zombie, Wolf Girl, and Zombie Boy had gone to bed, I was surfing Zombie Squad. A day or so earlier, I'd posted the awesome CMMG Lower Parts kit deal I'd found in the online deals section when I got a PM from a ZS member who shall remain nameless. Turns out, this guy works for CMMG and said that they'd had some quality control issues with some of their parts kits and, if I had the black safety detent, takedown detent, and pivot pin... it was probably crap.

I darted upstairs and grabbed my lower parts kit and, don't you know it, I had the black ones.

Crap.

The funny thing is, as I was playing with the kit, one thing lead to another... and 50 minutes later I had an assembled AR15 lower.

Tools I used:
A printout of photos of a complete LPK from Ar15.com
A small hammer
A screwdriver
A single size craftsman nail punch
A block of wood
Some gorilla tape.

That's it. Some basic common tools and about an hour of my time was all it took. It wasn't as bad as I feared and was really easy. I found an online tutorial that was solely responsible for making it happen. Check it out here. .

This is even considering the fact that I screwed up and forgot to put the bolt catch spring in when assembling the bolt catch assembly. I carefully tapped out the roll pin with a broken hardened drill bit, installed the spring, and re-installed the roll pin. I only put a tiny scratch on the receiver, which made me happy!

And, thanks to my buddy on Zombie Squad, I found that my safety detent was - in fact - crap. A call the next morning to CMMG confirmed that they had some quality control issues with the safety detent, the takedown detent, and the pivot detent. My takedown and pivot work fine -- but the safety's crap. Don't know about you, but the safety's kind of important to me...

To CMMG's credit, they were totally cool, admitted there were some QC problems, and immediately offered to ship me a new one - no questions asked. I received the replacement two days later, and it dropped in with no problem and works flawlessly.

So... still a good deal and a great customer service response. This hiccup will in no way dissuade me from doing business with or using CMMG parts. In fact, they were cool enough about it that it makes me want to buy more bits for my AR build. Also - way cool of my fellow Zombie Squadder to give me the heads up. He's good people.



So now the search for an upper begins...


Total Build Cost To Date
FFL Transfer Fee for Lower $25
Spikes Tactical Stripped Lower $89
CMMG Lower Parts Kit $65
GMG 6-position Tactical Stock $38
- Includes buffer, spring, and tube
C-Product 30 Round Polymer Mag $10


Total $227

CLICK HERE TO READ PART III!!

What Am I Doing With My Life?!?

What the fuck!?!

I found a link to this website and the attached trailer a week or so ago.

This shit drives me into an insane rage. Seriously. Check out the trailer at the link.

I'll wait.

Go ahead.

Are you back? Do you understand why I'm pissed off?!?

That's right. It's a shitty Handicam movie shot by a bunch of hacks. The shitty fucking special effects were obviously done in something cheap like Adobe After Effects, and the makeup effects were done by sending a stooge down to the local party city to buy a couple $20-goddamn-dollar werewolf masks.

And as a further offense, this piece of cinematic crap was picked up for distribution by Troma films. That's right folks, this crap got a distribution deal.

From Troma.

Now Troma is known for it's shitty quality movies and it's been a long downward slide for Troma since the 80's heydays of The Toxic Avenger and Surf Nazis Must Die, but even this is bottom barrel by even their modest standards.

Why the hell haven't I gotten off of my ass and made my own horror movie? If these amateur fools can do it - why the hell can't I?!?

Seriously - I am insane with rage over this.

Gaaaahhhh!

In unrelated, but otherwise homicidal rage inducing news -- I saw this piece about Corey Feldman pimping the third Lost Boys movie.

Yes, after the rape that was The Lost Boys: The Tribe, they're making another pass at totally fracking with the memories of one of the most influential movies in young Doctor Z's life.

Only this one will have no Haim (which is probably not a loss. It was only a matter of time before he died, sad as it was). And I don't think I could have handled him slurring his way through Lost Boys 3, especially after he'd stroked out from doing so much coke in the 90's. While watching The Two Coreys, I found myself fixated on his wonky, drooping eye -- and Lost Boys 3 with Haim would have been an hour and a half of me staring at that eye, to the detriment of the rest of the movie and my already bad ADD.

The sad thing is that I'll probably end up getting it, because I'm that guy.

Memories of the original awesomeness of The Lost Boys will suck me in. Memories of how I wanted to be Michael and ride a cool motorcycle and date a girl like Starr will draw me to it like an ill-fated moth to a campfire. Christ, I still watch this movie every now and then becasue it was so damned good.

And that warm fondness will be forever tainted by an aging Corey Feldman and his dogged refusal to leave well enough alone. This is why we'll probably see a Goonies remake someday. Because Feldman can't leave shit alone.

I can see it now; Josh Brolin won't be in it because he's got fucking academy award nominations, Sean Astin won't be in it because there's no other fucking hobbits(and actually has Academy Awards), and that Chinese kid who played Data is probably dead. It'll be Feldman (wearing a "I was diddled by Michael Jackson and all I got was this shirt!" t-shirt) , Martha Plimpton, Tyler Mane in Sloth makeup, and that kid who played Chunk (who's not fat anymore) and they'll be chasing the treasure of some Incan explorer. Joe Pantoliano will be the bad guy simply because he needs to make a few Lexus payments. Rob Zombie will probably do the soundtrack.

It'll be like Indiana Jones meets the Goonies... but only retarded.

Damn you Corey Feldman. Damn you to whatever hell Corey Haim is currently basting in.

Sad, But Oh So True.

So - after yesterday's post about Beetlejuice, I kind of fell down the rabbithole. My love for Wynona Ryder sent me into the depths of Google Image Search for pictures of my beloved Winona.



Dear, sweet Winona.

And I found tons of pictures that reminded me how badly I wanted to marry Winona Ryder in the 80's and 90's. And I found out something about myself. That now, in the 00's and 10's of this new century... I still want Winona.

Sorry, Mrs. Zombie...



So there I was immersed in the eye candy of literally thousands of images of Winona when I found the one below. Winona and I are the same age, and that's what makes this picture so terrifyingly cruel.

Cruel and true.



Curse you JJ Abrams. Curse you to hell.

Dammit.

But Who Would Johnny Depp Play?!?

So I found this interesting article over at Bloody Disgusting.

Seems that Michael Keaton would love, love, love to do a Beetlejuice sequel. The word is that Geena Davis would be interested as well.

I find it really interesting because I watched Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland last night and - although it was very good - it wasn't (in my humble undead opinion)up to the caliber of Burton's early works.

The comments on the news item are really a bunch of internet fanboy whining about how Tim Burton's sold out, but it's also interesting to note that Tim Burton has changed over the years.

His early movies were so incredibly original and quirky, but his latest big budget films lack the soul of those earlier outings. Beetlejuice is one of them. I love Beetlejuice. I can honestly say it is one of my favorite movies of all time. From gloomy but oh-so-hot and lovely Winona Ryder, to the profane and over the top performance of Michael Keaton - Beetlejuice is an undeniable good time.




Now, though, Tim Burton's movies have become as predictably castable as a Kevin Smith film. Johnny Depp? Check. Helena Bonham Carter? Check. Christopher Lee? Check. Some cool, twisty trees? Double check.

And don't get me started on his casting his wife in every film he does now. That's what pisses me off about Rob Zombie's films (although I will add that Helena Bonham Carter can at least act, unlike Sherry Moon Zombie).

And I'll admit that Burton's always had a habit for casting many of the same actors and actresses. I'm cool with that. Certain actors 'get' Tim Burton, and it's cool that he gets to work with them again and again. Winona Ryder for example, or Christopher Walken, come to mind.

Doctor Zombie's Idea of the Perfect Woman!Winona...dear, sweet Winona. Oh how I love you!

But that adherance to acting consistency is not what I'm getting at here. Actually, I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but I really think that Tim Burton's directing career is like a rollercoaster that dips in and out of genius and mediocrity just like many other directors - but maybe it's more noticeable because the genius is so brilliant when he gets it right that it makes the disappointments so much more bitter to the palate when he doesn't.

Now don't get me wrong - the suckfest that was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was almost nullified by the deliciously chilling dark spectacle that was Sweeney Todd. And Sleepy Hollow more than made up for the big budget craptastically bad Planet of the Apes.

BAD Tim Burton! Doctor Z. would love to whack you in the nose with a rolled up newspaper for this shit!

But none of those hold a candle to Mars Attacks, or Edward Scissorhands, or Big Fish, or Ed Wood, or the original Batman.

Good Tim Burton! It would have been better only if Winona Ryder had been involved!

And - as for a Beetlejuice remake - I'm fully on board and it drives me insane with rage that the studio won't even consider it.

It makes me even more insane that there's not enough movies with Winona Ryder in them. C'mon Tim... do a brother a solid and give my dear, sweet Winona a call.

Please?

What do you guys think?

Honey? Do We Have an extra $1.5 Million?!?

How awesome would it be to buy this little gem?!?

It's a fixer-upper... and it's got some history to it. Demonic possession's just a bonus!

Crap. There's no way I can talk the wife into moving to Long Island.

Sigh.

It's Draw Mohammed Day

My own misanthropy aside... I tend to be quiet about my atheism. I'm firmly of the belief that, as I expect you not to try to preach to me or "save me for Jeebus!", you should expect the same of me. It's only right. My own religous "Quid pro quo Clarice" - as it were.

And I may have not been as quiet about my atheism here on my blog as I should have been. I am sometimes very suddenly struck with an uncontrollable urge to poke fun at the Fundies... I can't help myself.

However... today is a day that goes beyond my mere disdain for organized religion and crosses over into that area of reasoning I like to refer to as my "What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?" spot.

Today is May 20, National Draw Mohammed Day.

That's right. It's a day to deliberately stick it to the Muslim religious zealots who work themselves into a jihadist fury over any drawings or depictions of their prophet by we infidels. I have a lot of feelings here -- but my main feelings can best be summed up by one simple word.

Freedom.

I'll come back to that word in a moment...



The Middle East doesn't have a patent on whacko religious nuts. We have our own versions a-plenty here in the Western world. Mormon Fundamentalists, Christian Fundamentalist, asshat douchebags like Focus on the Family and William Donohue's Anti-Catholic Defamation League, and those fucktards with the Westboro Baptist Church.

But the thing that really chaps my ass about the Muslims is their unwillingness to adapt to whatever culture they go to. They are convinced that their medieval, atavistic beliefs are the only way and will KILL because of it.

What the fuck?!?

Europe has had to pass laws banning burquas. They've actually had to write laws saying Sharia Law has no place in a democracatic or civil society because some crazy dick in a turban felt it was all right to murder his 'westernized' daughter for dishonoring him, or chop off the hands of a dude who stole some bread. THIS IS IN EUROPE! And the Muslims don't care.



That's the worst affront of all; this belief that Sharia and the Koran trump all laws. And there's the fundament for why we will never find peace with the denizens of the Middle East. Our 1st Amendment - the first fucking one because it's so fucking important - basically says "Sorry. Our government will not make laws or establish a national religion."

Which is anaethema to everything the fundamentalist Muslims believe.

That's the beauty of that simple first Amendment to our Bill of Rights, which says:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

This sentence, long in words but exquisite in its simplicity of purpose,says that we can say or do or worship as we see fit - and we don't give a crap how you feel about.

Which brings us back to that word - Freedom.

Or in this case, liberty. The Preamble to the Constitution also says, "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union... and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity..."

It's because of this core belief in freedom and liberty that's a part of our national identity that we need to stand up to the zealots who would threaten to KILL artists who DARE to draw Mohammed. Whether it was the Danish politcal cartoonist who is now living in hiding because he drew a comic depicting the Muslim prophet or the pussyi-ing out by Comedy Central over Southpark's treatment of Mohammed -- we artists need to stand up and say we won't be dictated to or told what we can and can't say or do.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

And it's not even like Southpark really drew Mohammed. It was a drawing of a dude in a bear costume and YOU NEVER SAW MOHAMMED. And - Muslim dudes - have you ever SEEN Southpark? Believe me when I say that Trey Parer and Matt Stone let you off easy. Have you SEEN what they did to Tom Cruise?!?

So... in solidarity with my fellow artists... I've done an internet search and grabbed some random depictions of Mohammed of of the internet to post up here. Tons can be found over at this awesome blog - Everyone Draw Mohammed. I will not take them down and - if you're stupid enough to declare a Jihad on me - I might be forced to write some mean things about you.

Because I can.

The First Amendment says so.

So suck it, bitches.

Night Zero Comics

Dear, dark Pagan gods! This is awesome on soooooo many levels.

Go to this link - - - - > Clickety-Click

Night Zero is an online comic that explores the stories of several survivors of the zombie apocalypse. After Night Zero (the night the ZPAW starts), they struggle to survive in a world overrun by zombies, and also survive the inhumanity of their fellow survivors.

What's amazing about it is that it looks and feels exactly like a comic - except that it's done with real actors, photography, and photoshop.

It has a beautiful, incredible look and the shot set ups are breathtaking. It looks like this is a huge production with some really talented and gifted artists. It doesn't have the feel of, "Hey! Let's put together a website and make something cool out of the garage, Joe Bob!"

See below for some examples of the awesomeness. (Found via CancerKitty over at Bricks of the Dead. Thanks,dude!!!)

Oh, and make sure you click the pictures to embiggen them and revel in how truly incredible the detail and artistry is.

Wait...What?!?

iro·ny: (ī-rə-nē) - Noun
From the Latin ironia and from the Greek eirōnia
1 : a pretense of ignorance
2 a : the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c : an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1) : incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2) : an event or result marked by such incongruity b : incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play —called also dramatic irony, tragic irony

(Emphasis mine...)

Or, another definition might be this...


Really? Really?!?

One vile child raping pedophile defending another vile child raping pedophile?!? Too bad Michael Jackson's dead... they could start their own child raping club.

What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?



(Cartoon Courtesy of Baloo at toonpool.com)

Movie Review - George A. Romero's Survival of the Dead (2009)

So I finally got a chance to view Zombiemaster George A Romero's next installment of his "...of the Dead" series. Old GAR is the father of the modern zombie film and any zombie flick fan worth his weight in freshly torn flesh and brains would be remiss in not seeing any of his outings.

The thing is, I'm a big follower of horror forums and internet boards. Between Dread Central, Zombie Squad, Allthingszombie.com, and the other dozen or so sites I check every day -- a common refrain has been that old George has lost his mojo. There are some that would argue that he hasn't made a good film since Dawn of the Dead. Denizens of the horror world have even gone so far as to say that his social commentary trope has long since worn out its welcome and that his 1960's radicalism has given way to cliche and triteness.

The argument is that others are doing better zombie movies than George and that he's lost his relevance.

I resisted this. Despite what the fan boys say, I always felt that Day of the Dead was a movie equal to Dawn of the Dead. Ad, in his more recent films, his social commentary has taken a back seat to better production quality and better budgeting. Some would point to this and say, "See! Old George has started suckling at the teat of the big studios! He is a sellout like we said!"

But I resisted the argument because of the simple fact that George was THE man.

Thing is, I'm starting to come around to the fact that George may not have it anymore.

Survival of the Dead is a perfect example of why people say what they say about Romero. It's hard to look the other way when you have a zombie movie where the zombies are secondary to the story. George was once the best at what he does... but when you get shown how to do a zombie movie by a couple of Brits (Danny Boyle in 28 Days Later and Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright in Shawn of the Dead)- when you fucking invented the genre - you might be losing your touch.

Survival of the Dead starts out promising enough.

It introduces us to Sarge (Alan Van Sprang, who's appeared in 3 of the last Romero ...of the Dead films, believe it or not). Sarge's actual character is a character who we've seen before. He was on screen for 30 or so seconds in Diary of the Dead. This was a nice tie in to Romero's previous film and gave the fan boy in me a nice thrill. I've always loved the idea of connecting Romero's films. How cool would it be to have Riley Denbo make an appearance in this film, or have the main characters have an interaction with Peter and Roger while at a dock in Pittsburgh. This connectivity is something that Romero's universe has always lacked, and has been a well of untapped potential. In this case, it was an excellent tie in and this alone showed me that this movie had promise.



Add to that that this is the most well shot and filmed movies Romero's ever done. Despite George's directing, the DP of this film deserves a medal. The scenes were lush and filled with just the right touch of menace and lurking zombie goodness.

The story follows Sarge's group of ragtag soldier/deserters as they flee the onslaught of the zompacalypse. They pick up a young, hip kid who shows them a Youtube video directing survivors to Plum Island - an isolated island off the coast of Delaware.

They go to the dock where they are directed and meet Patrick O'Flynn (played with a Malcom McDowell-like intensity by Kenneth Walsh). O'Flynn is one of two feuding patriarchs from Plum Island who has been banished by the other patriarch - Seamus Muldoon. It goes without saying that both are very Irish and the brogues are in full effect.



O'Flynn believes that the zombie's should be put down, and Muldoon feels that they should be saved until they can be 'saved by God', or taught to eat something else. Muldoon gets the drop on O'Flynn and his men and so O'Flynn is exiled. He also manages to lose the support of his beautiful daughter, Janet(Kathleen Munroe). Sadly, her Irish accent seems to wander all over and disappear at times.

Anyway, there's retribution, the patriarchs square off, the zombies escape, the henchman get eaten... there's nothing we haven't seen before.



Truthfully - watching this movie reminded me very much of the 1958 Gregory Peck western, Big Country. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that that very movie was the basis for a large part of this film's plot. You've got two powerful men, neither willing to concede to the other or seek common ground. You've got the outsider trying to understand it, and you've got the daughter in the middle.

And - to further muddy the plot - I couldn't tell what secondary genre George was going for. We have a New England island with fisherman and the culture that that reflects... but the Muldoon clan all wear western gear, talk like cowboys, and shoot six shooters.

It is this lack of direction and confusion that was the greatest disappointment for old Doctor Zombie. Either you wanted lobstermen with Maine (or, in this case, Irish) accents, or you wanted a Western. Pick one, George. Please.

This was, in my opinion, the least satisfying of all of George's movies. The thing is, his last two films weren't the horrible messes most people thought they were. With subsequent watchings, I've grown to love Land of the Dead, and I think Diary of the Dead was a great concept and failed only in the disparity between the cinema verite execution and the polished production quality of a big studio editing lab.

Don't get me wrong, I liked the movie. It had some great zombie goodness (although not enough), but the CGI was overdone, and poorly. As I said before, the scenery was beautifully shot and the film quality was lush and mesmerizing. This was also the best acted of any of George's other movies. I suspect that there were others involved in the writing process besides George because it lacked some of the ham-handedness of some of his previous ...of the Dead scripts. There was none of the hackneyed, stereotypical "Aw shucks" lines like those of Charlie in Land, and the quality of the production made it feel like a better made movie. There were some great jump scares.

That said, it is still a Romero film. If you're a zombie fan, you must see it. But don't go into it expecting anything genre bending. George defined the genre, and he's loathe to change things. I get that. The thing is, with the advent of running zombies, the staggering, lunging-from-behind-a-corner zombies of Romero's era seem somehow tame. In fact, when Tom Savini directed NOTLD 1990, he was the first to point out that the slow zombies were really little, if any, threat. Even George has picked up on this and made the zombies seem like docile, easily handled children. They lack the viciousness and evil of Big Daddy from Land of the Dead, or the creepiness of Ridley from Diary.

I should add that the zombies themselves were unremarkable. In fact, they were - makeup-wise - not as good as previous movies either.

So - in the final analysis, George still puts together a good old fashioned zombie movie... but he's not reinventing the wheel here either. He came up with the fucking thing, so why should he be the one to change things, dammit!



If, like Doctor Zombie, you're a zombie film freak and you will not be able to eat, or sleep, or make sweet zombie love to your woman until you've seen all of George Romero's films... you'll get your grubby paws on a copy and make your own judgments. My opinion will carry little weight. And, I am enough of a fan to admit that maybe - after multiple viewings - the film may grow on me much like Land of the Dead did. And it's not a bad movie. I'd actually rank it over Diary of the Dead based on quality alone.

So, where's that leave us? I honestly have no idea. I've confused myself.

Oh, what the hell. It's a Romero film. Get it...watch it... buy your own copy.

Dr. Zombie will.

DOCTOR ZOMBIE'S RATING: 3 out of 5 Chomped Brains

WWYD?

So I'm cross posting this from Zombie Squad.

On the Zombie Squad Forum, there's a 'What would you do?' section. It's mostly comprised of questions like, 'If the Zombie Apocalypse started RIGHT NOW, what would you do?' or 'What would you use as money/barter items in a post-apocalyptic world?'

There's also a great deal of tactical/tacticool questions related to self defense, Castle Doctrine, or weapon choice.

A while back, someone posted the simple question, 'You are sound asleep in your bed when you hear from somewhere in your house the sound of breaking glass. What do yo do?'

I normally don't do much posting in the WWYD? section, but this one got me thinking about my unique tactical situation. With the increase in home invasions and things, I actually thought about this one quite a bit.

Although it's quite detailed, here's what I posted:

1. Sleep through the breaking glass.
2. Wake up when my wife punches me because I slept through the breaking glass
3. Stagger out of bed. Naked. Not pretty, but there it is.
4. Yell at my idiot dogs who are probably yipping and baying to wake the dead.
5. Get up to a) investigate, or b) kick whichever idiot dog broke something.
6. In my half awake state, walk around the bed and proceed to trip over a pair of my wife's shoes because she can't seem to ever put them in the closet that's FOUR FRACKIN' FEET AWAY.
7. Curse loudly as I fall painfully into the elliptical, striking the only exposed metal part on it that ISN'T covered with drying clothes.
8. Yell at the madly barking dogs again, adding a threat of taking them to the fucking pound to be put to sleep if they DON'T SHUT UP!
9. Stagger through the darkened wife's shoe/mine field of the bedroom to the top of the steps.
10. Turn around because I've woken up some and realized I might want to get some protection if someone is breaking in. Of course why they'd want to over ALL OF THAT FUCKING BARKING DOWNSTAIRS I have no idea.
11. Grab the Glock 23 and return naked to the top of the steps.
12. Yell I have my gun and will shoot anything downstairs that doesn't belong there... or IS STILL FUCKING BARKING!
13. Proceed downstairs and realize that one of the dogs has knocked a glass off of a table. But I'm up, so let's go ahead and wag our stupid tails and run to the back door with an idiotic, "You're up, Dad! Might as well let us out!" expression.
14. Stand naked at the back door, with my Glock, thinking about shooting the dogs who have to sniff every corner of the damned back yard before peeing for all of two seconds and running back in.
15. Clean broken glass while keeping the idiot dogs out of the glass because, "Hey! Dad's down on the floor! It must be time to play! wOOt".
16. Shoot the dogs a murderous look because they have started barking again.
17. Go back upstairs.
18. Put Glock away.
19. Trip over several pairs of the wife's shoes getting back into bed.
20. Spend the rest of the night staring at the ceiling because now I'm wide awake.

Fucking dogs.

The Doctor Z. SHTF Zombie Apocalypse AR15 Build - Part 1

This is the first in a series of articles on how to build your own AR15 rifle on a budget. Not my usual type of article, but a public service regardless. Apropos also, when one considers that one needs to prepare themself for the impending zombie apocalypse (will it EVER get here?!?!). And, when the mindless, ravenous, moaning hordes of the undead are pounding on your door in search of your flesh -- you're going to want something to shoot them in the head with. So, in that vein...

The Dr. Zombie AR-15 project was begun because I decided that I really, really needed a go-to, shtf, zombie apocalypse gun.

I have several shotguns, and I am most comfortable with a shotgun... but I got the rifle bug a couple years ago and decided I had to have a combat rifle. The big problem, however, is my lack of funds.

I'm not a rich dude, and I don't have much in the way of disposable income. When I decided to get a new gun, I also agonized over WHAT to get. I initially decided to follow my shotgunner instinct and pick up a Mossy or Remington to tacticool up. I actually came close to picking up a Maverick 88 for $175, but was waylaid by some unexpected car trouble that necessitated my spending my hard earned and saved gun money. Fucking responsibility...

Anyway, after that, I continued to agonize as to what I could get once I saved up some more money. I vacillated between a new shotgun, an SKS, a High Point carbine, or an AK47. The common denominator with all of these was their cheapness. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved AR's, and they are the ultimate in kickass zombie killing tactical tool... but I always figured they were too expensive.

And that's true.

An off the shelf, middle to upper grade AR15 at the local gun store will run you $1k or more bucks. Much too rich for my cheap blood.

But then I did some research and saw that if you were frugal, and harnessed the full and evil power of the internet, you could build your own AR for almost half that. $600 or so dollars - spread out over a year or so - seemed suddenly attainable. My buddy Aaron W. encouraged me further when he built his own 10.5 inch SBR(short barreled rifle) and assured me it took little to no mechanical aptitude. Basically, if you can use a screwdriver, you could build an AR.

I was sold.

I took the plunge and decided to build my own. And so began the madness.

What follows is my detailed build notes for anyone interested in building their own rifle.

I had a few criteria to keep in mind as I did my build. They were:
- Cost - I wanted to build a rifle over a longer period, but in the cheapest possible way. In the age of the internet, this is easier to do than ever. If I could grab a piece here or there, when I could, and if it didn't impact the household budget, life was good. This is also known as the Theory of Keeping Mrs. Zombie Happy. If the CFO is happy, we're all happy.
- Quality - The other side of the equation was quality. I knew I wasn't going to build a top end Colt or Bushmaster, but I also didn't want to build a bottom of the barrel Olympic or DPMS-type rifle. So, the cost was balanced with the search for a mid-range (and hopefully more reliable) zombie gun. I think I did pretty well in this respect... but you be the judge.


The Build
I made the decision and had a $100 check for an article I wrote for a local paper, as well as another $50 or so in birthday money. So I pulled the trigger (pun intended), and went for it. I knew that, once I plunked down the money for the first part, I was in. It actually was harder than I thought...

My first purchase was a Spike's Tactical Stripped Lower Receiver. Spike's makes an awesome product and, around the holidays, they were running a great deal and offering their stripped lowers for $89. This was $50 - $70 cheaper than anything locally (there was still a little post-election panic pricing at the time) and, even considering shipping on an internet purchase, it was a deal almost too good to pass up. The lower receiver was the only part that qualifies as a true gun... so, once I purchased that, I had control over every other piece that I bought. An $11 shipping fee and a $25 FFL dealer transfer fee later, and I was officially in the AR game.

Spikes Tactical Receiver - this is the only part that is a 'gun', must be purchased through a licensed firearms dealer, and is subject to registration. Everything else is parts and can be shipped to your door.

A few months later, in January, I managed to get a little extra money and scoured the internet for a lower parts kit to begin the build. My local gun shops had DPMS parts kits for $66 and $75 dollars respectively. Calculating in local sales tax, I realized very quickly that the internet was the way to go. Thank the dark pagan gods I showed some self control and came home to do a Google search. I found probably one of the best deals an AR fan could hope for. The DPMS kits I found on the internet were all in the $60 range on the internet, but then I saw that AIM Surplus (an Ohio supplier!! wOOt for quick ship times! Booo for Ohio sales tax!)had CMMG lower parts kits for $65 with free shipping! Awesome!

DPMS is the bottom end for parts kits and their quality control, finish quality, fit, and even their ability to put all the parts in the bag is suspect and unreliable. For the price of a bottom end DPMS parts kit I got a significantly better quality and consistent parts kit. Yeah!

CLICK HERE TO READ PART II! - With a lower and a lower parts kit in his blue, undead hand -- Doctor Z. begins the build!