Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Shotgun to the face...

I figured i'd weigh in on Vice President Dick Cheney shooting a fellow, fat, rich, Republican cronie. Some facts: The victim was wearing a blaze orange hunting vest and was thirty feet away from the Vice President. It was near sunset. Cheney kicked up a covey of birds and swung, shooting low, without seeing the same orange-clad dude some 30 feet away. He peppered the poor corporate board sitting son of a bitch in the chest face and neck with bird shot. Subsequently, dude has a heart attack.

Where do I begin? First off - - in terms of safe firearms handling and sporting conduct, Cheney is 100%, undeniably, and completely in the wrong here. Here’s the basics: As a responsible shooter and sportsman, one must always be aware of where EVERYONE in the hunting party is. Regardless of whether or not this guy made any noise before coming up behind the Veep, Cheney should have never swung his gun low, swept the muzzle BEHIND himself, and pulled the trigger without knowing what was behind his intended target. These are all the sort of things that any responsible shooter should know. These are things you should have been taught the first time one picks up a gun. Period. Bottom line. Cheney is responsible for this mess. Now, on to the handling of this. I feel the public and press notification on this whole affair is indicative of everything that this administration is about. Why is every goddamned thing a secret? Why does the administration and McClellan (the public face of the administration) not understand why these sort of secretive, backroom shenanigans piss off the (supposedly) liberal press corp and the American people? And the thing is, Cheney is the face of all that is abhorrent and evil with the Bush administration. He’s Machiavelli in a grey suit and, as any reasonable person can deduce, is probably truly running things in the Oval Office. And do you know what? I disliked the man prior to this, what with all of his smarmy, elitist, smug, condescensions to Congress, the press, the military, and the citizens to whom he is beholden. Now I detest the man because he is an irresponsible sportsman. It’s numbnuts like this that make other conscientious hunters and shooters like myself look bad. Aaarggh! The whole Executive Branch makes me want to scream inarticulately!

So. In observance of Dick Cheney’s monumentally poor gun handling skills; let’s review the necessary skills that every person should be taught before they even touch a gun. Additionally, said neophytes should be made to memorize and be able to repeat these, from memory, at any time. More importantly, one should LIVE BY THESE RULES. This will ensure that something like this will never, ever happen. The inviolable rules are as follows:

The 4 Rules of Firearms Safety.

1. Handle all firearms as if they are loaded.

2. Never, ever point a gun at anything you are not willing to destroy or kill.

3. Keep your finger off of the trigger and out of the trigger guide until you have made the decision to fire.

4. Know your target and what is behind it.

(And, just in case you were keeping track, Cheney violated at least 3 of the 4 rules. This. Is. Unforgivable. What a dumbass.)

Wow. Not that I don’t need a reason to stay away from drugs, but wow. My first thought was that there must be something about meth that makes people break out like a 15 year old two days before the prom. After some research though, I learned it wasn’t acne. I found that Meth actually gives you what they call “meth bugs”. It’s a neurological side effect that manifests itself by making your skin feel like there are bugs crawling out of it. You scratch yourself raw in response. Shudder. Additionally, I found that a growing problem among teens with Ice addictions is the new orthodontical affliction called “Meth Mouth”. Basically, meth makes your teeth (ALL OF THEM!) fall out. It’s especially bad among teens and adolescents because their mouths are more susceptible to it due to their age. I posted this just because it was kind of crazy. Note to self: Never, ever try meth. Meth bad! (On a side note, is anyone else pissed off at the meth snorting idiots who’ve made it such a pain in the whale eye to buy cold medicine? I mean, c’mon! All I want is to buy some Actified for my allergies and now I have to go to the pharmacy, show ID, bend over for a rectal exam, and give three business references to get some itchy eye and stuffy nose relief. Bastards.)

I ran across this and it almost made the good doctor cry. If this were my daughter, and if the legal venues had all failed, I’m sure a full-scale tactical assault would be the next order of business…This is a long commuter click. (That means: open it, print it, and read it on the bus to work, or at the doctor’s office, or while waiting to get tickets to a concert.) It’s also really sad. I have a zombie daughter and this story just hurt the good Doctor’s cold, dead heart. I started doing some random reading on Scientology over the last week or so, and I’m convinced that this is an evil cult. And as far as the tactical assault thing, I’m really serious about that. I know, intellectually, that it would be illegal to kick down a door to a cult, do a tactical entry, swoop up my daughter, and move out before the police showed up. This would then be followed by several weeks of deprogramming at a remote wilderness location. I know that this would be illegal. It would be breaking and entering, kidnapping and illegally transporting said abductee over state lines, in addition to several weapons violations. I know, I know, I know! The thing is, if this were my baby girl (no matter how old she is, she’ll ALWAYS be my baby girl!) nothing on earth would stop me. And may the dark pagan gods help anyone unfortunate enough to get in my way, because law enforcement could then also add murder to the laundry list of criminal charges. I’m just saying…

BTWhere’s one of the reasons for my recent studies about Scientology. Well put together site that may very well get added to my favorites…

That’s all for now, my faithful undead minions. Still no word on the job, so keep your cold, dead fingers crossed because I want nothing more than to work on this team! I NEED to work on this new team...

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