Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Groan

God, I hate summer.

So hot.

This insane heat makes me sooo cranky.

Things I said this last weekend:

  • "I'm an evil undead scientist. I don't work in the sun on 95 degree days. I burn easily."
  • "If I ever talk about transfering to my company's Florida office again, please kick me square in the nuts."
  • "Is it wrong to want to rub a lime popsicle all over my body?"
  • "I don't know what you're complaining about... you try living with sweaty, sticky balls.
  • "I'm an adult, and I contribute a not insignificant part of my salary to the mortgage...that's why I feel I am perfectly within my rights to sit in front of a box fan, in my underwear and nothing else, while drinking a cold beer. I don't care if your mother is coming over."
  • "If these fucking dogs don't stop laying on me or against me, I swear to god I'll give them the needle myself. It's like sitting with a furry, panting, hot pillow on my lap."
  • "Don't touch my leg with your leg! It's like I'm sitting against a microwave-warmed slab of meat!"
  • "You're not a doctor. How do you know that extreme heat doesn't give me diarrhea?!?"
  • "Oh god! I've got sweat in my ass crack!"
  • "It's a vast global conspiracy against me! The CIA's targeting Cleveland with a orbitally platformed laser just to get me. And stop looking at me like I've lost my mind!"
  • "My brain's melting."

I'll be in my crypt until this heat wave passes. It's cooler there and Mrs. Zombie told me I'm not allowed out until I promise to be nicer.

Like that'll happen anytime soon.

5 comments:

fool said...

At least you don't have to deal with boob sweat.

fatrobot said...

good
i like it when people are uncomfortable because of my weather machine

Dr. Zombie said...

Fool - but there is always moob sweat. Besides having a horribly low body image, I gotta say being a guy takes precedence here. Gotta say that honestly, sweaty or not - boobs are nice.

FatRobot - So besides my OWN government I now need to worry about you wacky Canadians?!? That's it - undead Jihad on you!!!

Nölff said...

I'll trade weather with you.

Dr. Zombie said...

Nolff - I feel bad for you. Humidity must be monstrous where you're at. Add on top of that your luxurious, thick, monkey pelt...